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I don`t understand myself

DancerDancer Community Connector Posts: 8,180 Legendary Poster
in Neurodivergence
Sometimes it`s as though the world is all in a foreign language and there is no Google Translate or Dictionaries to help. There have been a lot of battles I have had to fight over the past 18 months and it has changed me so much. I sometimes feel as though I don`t understand myself. I get trapped within my body sometimes and it is hard to move or speak and people see it as something that isn`t real but it is. And now one of my places where I felt like I could be me without masking has been taken away from me. People say that I have complex needs but I don`t understand it and it`s as though people don`t want to tell me as they don`t want to upset me but then it upsets me not knowing. I know that I am not a perfect person and I have done bad stuff but I don`t understand why.
"There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
"The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
"I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 

Comments

  • 63marie63marie Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    Hey @Dancer, thank you for sharing this with us. I can hear how confusing and isolating this must be, especially when people aren't explaining things to you. I'm really sorry to hear that you've lost a place where you didn't need to mask. I know personally how exhausting masking is and how important it is to have places where you can just be yourself so it makes sense that that would hurt a lot.
    It's also completely valid to feel upset about people saying you have complex needs but not explaining what they mean. The fact you're reflecting on your experiences shows how much you want to understand them, and you deserve to feel understood and supported by those around you.
    We're here to listen and support you <3
  • DancerDancer Community Connector Posts: 8,180 Legendary Poster
    I know that it was kind of my own fault that I lost the place I don`t have to mask at. I made mistakes and I wasn`t always very nice to people but at the same time I didn`t always feel understood by the staff and I found it a bit difficult to settle in.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
  • 63marie63marie Posts: 99 Budding Regular
    edited December 22
    Making mistakes doesn't mean you're a bad person, and being able to acknowledge your part in what happened just shows how much you care. It doesn't mean you deserved to lose that place where you didn't have to mask, it sounds like you were doing the best you could, as you didn't feel understood or supported very well, which can make settling in feel very hard. We're always here to listen, and you never have to mask here :)
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