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Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 17.11.25
Leyla
Community Manager Posts: 525 Incredible Poster
This is a space to chat or vent about things which you think may be more triggering for the Community but still want to get off your chest.
Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.
Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.
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Everything feels like too much.
Hey jazz its bennyboo
wanna talk bout it?
Hello it is Echo here.
It sounds like everything is piling up all at once and that can be so heavy to carry.
You’re not alone here and you don’t have to carry it all by yourself, we are here to listen if you wish to share anything
FFact me and echo have showed up shows something
@Cutelivejazz hey jazz, i'm here if you want to chat a bit more about things. You don't have to bottle everything up and face it alone friend.
I have literally become my own crisis team at 16 bc I literally dont have anyone to go to my parents dont get it and if I go to anyone at school well thats a whole other issue. Year 10 (2 years ago) was pretty rough for me I had constant panic attacks got forced into talking to people i didnt trust a really heavily realied on my maths teacher (who last year got arrested for basically being a pedophile) he was my go to person and I talk to him about pretty much everything. And then one of the teachers when i was talking to them misunderstood what i said and reported me for being suicidal i had to go to my GP and the Dr asked me a ton of question half of them which i lied and i had to go a second time for a check in. And this one time I sh bc well (it sound stupid yes I know ive had enough lectures on it) bc i wanted somone to check in ig as a proof to that I was struggling and i got reported and they called home but they basically ignored it bc they were like oh shes doing it for drama. My parents had ago at me that night they mocked me abt it and they still bring it up now. After that ig I used sh as a way to "distract" me from thoughts like every time I would have an overwhelming though id want to sh but i dont mainly bcnif my parents find out im gonna be mocked and every time I speak to them theyre gonna look at my arm. Sixth forms been rough to i manged that there would be like a 50 50 split betwen new students and old students but there wasnt i wa pretty disappointed bc I though oh maybe i can finally make new friends nope. My bestie is kinda dirfiting off too shes got her how ppl shes happy she only texts back if I text her first and last time I saw her it just didnt feel the same it kinda felt like pur friendship had died im still gonna ge a gift for her b-day but idk it feels like we've gone from besties to kinda friends which sucks bc we rly clicked. Lessons are rough too theyre rly hard concepts and it makes me feel dumb and some ppl like get it and show off their knowledge which just makes me wanna stuff my fist down their throat. I have a jubilee thing were warching tmr which means im missing physics like i feel like that kinda stuff should be optional i have shit to do i can tbe faffing arounf with a catholic jubilee (for context i go to a Catholic school) and attend masses like i rly couldnt care less dont get me wrong if someone belives in that great love that for them but idk why its being forced on me. My point is i cant be missing physics. Then i have IT im gonna have to redo the work i did today bc saving issues i saved it to the wrong place which ment the file got lost and go back on monday for an extra hour bc of the lost time tho id much rather go home early (i have period 5 privilege which means if you have a study period period 5 and yove done all the requiresd tasks you can leave) i have triple maths so f.maths maths and maths and I am losing what little sanity i have left. Ppl are a lot nicer i dont get bullied anymore but its still overwhelmed bc sometimes ill look at ppl including teachers unsure if theyre mad at me or not so.i panic in my head and its just not fun. I have an appointment tmr (not Drs just a personal appointment) i dont wanna go but i have to. Also doesnt help that ive been disassociating half the time most of the days so i have this weird floaty feleing where I dont feel real and it drains me a lot bc I have to use up are energy just to focus on whats going on. Anyway rant over i couldnt find the community guidelines so idk if ive broken any of the rules if I have pls lmk and ill edit/delete accordingly. Thank you both of you for being here.
*all of you (auto correct sry)
Oh and i also need to go to the doctors abt my dizziness last time I went they told me to book a separate appointment which was annoying i have so much to do and so little time im literally being strached in every which way but im kinda doin git to numb everything esle out like have so much to do I dont have time to think. I mean im practically doing 5 A levels maths f.maths btec it physics and l
*lamda idk why that got cut off
@Cutelivejazz just writing a reply up, might be a short while friend
Ive started reading and straight away id like to say we are all here for you and we ask if your safe so we dont miss understand what your saying :)
You sh because wanting someone to check in although wasnt sensible (so please dont do again) but makes sense since it does get you that check in you wanted but as you hopefully now know there is another methods to achieve same outcome :)
I was getting changed and i feel so fat i hate my body...
rly having a shit evening. i have noone
@BensonE pls dont tell me off you had no right to say that. I understand your intention is to be supportive but it hurt.
Please try to not beat your self up, I suffer with IBS I feel fat when I get a bloating flare up so I understand the feeling of feeling fat but honestly size doesnt mean beauty
I didn't mean to tell you off :(
hey eylah whats up
I try and be supportive
I understand it just sounded like it the reasons why i did it are a bit beyond that but basically thats the reason snd i wont rly get into it bc that could be a whole other explibstion paragraph. But thank you for elaborating
hey benson. thankyou :).
just feeling sad is all. but ill be ok :). just tired 😴 i need a gd night rest.
I am having to be careful what im saying so mods know im not encouraging it
But your reasoning made sense especially when your already in a low place
I dunno why I didn't just say I dont encourage it but then said above
I hope you'll feel comfortable to talk here if you ever get that low again
Here if you need to talk
Hey @eylah - I'm just about to get some sleep, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm always here for you if you need someone to vent to. I really do hope you get a good night's rest, and I'll be here in the morning if you want to talk at any point <3 Sending hugs 🫂
thankyou @Nemuritai i hope you can get some well deserved rest tonight. i’ll pop on in the morning and check in with you. <3 sleep well lovely. :)
@BensonE . thankyou so much! i’m here for you too. :)
@Cutelivejazz
I’m so sorry you had to go through constant panic attacks and being forced to talk to people you didn’t trust. It’s completely understandable that you leaned on your maths teacher and what happened with him and later with the reporting incidents sounds incredibly painful. You were seeking care, attention, and understanding and instead you were treated as if you were being dramatic. That’s not your fault at all, and it makes sense that experiences like that left you feeling hurt and mistrustful. I can’t imagine how isolating that must have felt.
You were never wrong for wanting someone to see your pain. That longing to be noticed, to be cared for, is deeply human. I’m so sorry that your vulnerability was met with mockery instead of the compassion you deserved.
It’s completely understandable to feel heartache when a deep connection starts to fade. That kind of bond is rare and meaningful and it’s okay to feel however you feel because that connection was real and your feelings are too. You’re handling an enormous load and the fact that you’re still managing day-to-day shows how strong you are, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
I am very sorry you feel that way.Your body has been through so much with you, and you deserve kindness not because of how you look, but because of who you are.
Please know from the bottom of my heart that you are more than enough. You’re doing your best in a world that hasn’t made it easy for you to feel safe, seen, or supported and it’s okay to take things at your own pace, one step at a time.
@eylah we are here for you and holding space for you
I hope you get some lovely rest tonight and that tomorrow it feels lighter, even if just a little.
@Cutelivejazz sorry i took so long with a reply.
Nobody should ever have to become there own crisis team and support network, let alone at that age. The fact that you weren't given the support you deserved reflects on how broken the system is, not at all on you as a person Jazz. The fact is, most people couldn't do that, and you should be immensely proud of yourself. it takes a lot of strength so well done. And the stuff with your math's teacher, and having what was perhaps your only safe space destroyed in such a horrid way is beyond heartbreaking. School teachers, and doctors are supposed to be safe people, not people who jump from 0-100 and make you feel like you have to lie. And it absolutely does not sound stupid at all jazz. It's a failure of the people who are supposed to care for you, for it to get to that point, not you, and i want to make this clear. You won't ever be judged or criticised for that by me friend. Not many have been in that position that you were in, and nobody has the right to make judgement ever. Everybody deals with things differently. And you should be proud of making it through that all.
And about your parents, nobody deserves to be ignored or mocked for something as serious as what you were going through. You deserve support, not shame. And about sixth form, i wish i could offer some advice, but i don't have any to give, and i won't give you the typical cliché replies. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go through all of that, and then deal with the friend situation, to grow apart from your bestie and then struggle with making new ones.
And i fully agree it shouldn't be mandatory. I felt the same way at school about sports days. Where there's all sorts of things that we should be learning, instead of playing sports if we didn't want to. And about the subjects, i won't sugar-coat things and say they'll be easy, and it's true some people get concepts easier than others, but for the most important thing is that your learning at your pace and at your rate. And i just wanted to add, just looking at the mind maps you posted in chats shows your actually incredibly smart in my opinion. And your dedicated to the subject. sometimes, it's not about grasping a concept instantly, but about working on it until you do. And it's human to feel that way.
And there is nothing worse than losing IT work. I did that once, and lost a chunk of my dissertation. I know this is no consolation, but it won't take as long to redo it, than it did to first do it initially. You've got a huge amount of workload by the sounds of it, but with any luck, you'll be able to have a break from it all come christmas time hopefully.
And finally, I also wanted to just say, well done for being so open. Your going through an extreme amount right now, and have been through so much in the past. There might not be anything i can say to make things easier, but we do see all the effort your putting in, and should be immensely proud of yourself. Sorry if this sounds like a bit of a ramble or too preachy.
@eylah sorry for the slow reply my favourite twat ❤️. I know it's not much, but if you ever want someone to talk to, even just about lighter stuff as a distraction, i'm here for you friend, just like you've been here for me. Nobody as kind as you should ever be alone.
@Nathan/@Ech0/@BensonE Thank you all for your support i really appreciate it, and it does really mean a lot to me to have people who do stay even if it is online so thank you.
Also good news i found my hat i got from Paris on b-day last year, its very french, AND it matches with my jumper!
Front sorry for bombarding chat with my posts haha.