Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 27.10.25

Leyla · October 27

This is a space to chat or vent about things which you think may be more triggering for the Community but still want to get off your chest.

Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.

Nemuritai · October 27

This might not be triggering but I'll put it here to be on the safe side. If I'm being honest, I've been feeling kind of depressed lately, although sometimes it feels more like background noise than an all-consuming thing. Other times it'll feel like a huge wave of sadness crashes over me and I can't do anything but cry until it passes. And while I'm safe and have never had any plans at all, sometimes I start thinking it would be better if I weren't here, because then the pain would go away. I won't go into a lot of detail but upsetting things have happened at home before with my brother (we don't get on and he doesn't speak to me at all these days, although I kind of prefer that) and even though they ended years ago, I still feel deeply hurt and angry and upset about them, and if I mention it to my parents they act like nothing happened and tell me I'm making it all up, which hurts as well. It's just a lot to deal with sometimes, and I feel so exhausted at the moment that tiny things seem really difficult. I have been making an effort to be nicer to myself recently though, and I've been working on self-care and taking time to do things to recharge, like warm cups of coffee and stretching. It's kind of hard because the voice in my head tells me I'm being lazy if I'm not constantly being productive, but I'm getting better at managing that.
That was a lot but I wanted to get it off my chest.

Lottie5433 · October 27

I’m struggling right now and just want to push people away.

Peer support was cancelled again last week and this week I won’t be able to go due to work, I think I might just not turn up anymore and see what happens. Like all P (peer support group person) said would happen is that if I don’t show at group regularly or don’t let them know I won’t be attending then they will just wellbeing call me to check In as apparently I show a lot of “risk” - she said this when she told me that she spoke with my gp to only issue my meds weekly not monthly (which annoyed me because I wasn’t told this conversation was happening).

Struggling a lot with the self harm thoughts and the suicidal thoughts and going to group helped decompress this but like coz I haven’t been for 2 weeks soon to be 3 weeks I’m finding it hard to control the thoughts and like I want to engage with them just as a release.
I’ve been edging towards a crisis to a point where I wanted to go a&e but got scared and felt I’d be wasting their time so just stayed home sitting with my thoughts instead. I’ve tried SHOUT and like papyrus, Samaritans just everything really and still do t think I’ve got to a place that is back to my “normal”. I don’t want to see my GP about this they are useless and I keep getting passed to another gp when one gets fed up with me so no point in trying that.

I’m dreading the next week or 2 at work and am anticipating a confrontation from one of the employees based off a private comment I made to my boyfriend over a message that they read as she opened the message that I sent to my boyfriend - which we are both annoyed at. I’m just anticipating confrontation or nasty comments made which never goes well in my head as I internalise everything and then this leads to me punishing myself, turning off my location and just yeah.

I just kinda feel like giving up

Also had a conversation with my parents about me moving in with my boyfriend as he’s been offered staff accommodation- they are fine with this and we’re waiting for the conversation. In my head I want to move in with him but again I loose a “safety” net of that I can’t self harm when I’m with him and if I live with him I can’t do it because he will find out and it’s like the only way of coping that temporarily works. But then there is the aspect that I won’t have my dog with me all the time as we said due to his age he would live with my parents and me and my boyfriend would have him on our days off and when we can - which I’m a way breaks me because he’s what’s kept me going at times (now I’m crying thinking about all this too)

Like I’m just finding it hard to process a lot of this and am struggling not to hurt myself as a release for it all

mai · October 28

i feel so tired right now because all i’ve done is spend my night panicking and worrying to the point i feel physically sick because there was police outside my house last night and i immediately panicked thinking that someone has shared what i’ve said then as i tried to get some sleep a few hours after they left an ambulance then appeared. i hate this so much. every single noise i hear, vehicle that passes, voice that speaks im panicking and hiding because im worried confidentiality has been broke by someone, even more so because police phoned my mum about concerns passed onto them a few weeks ago and the only people i had spoken to was a counsellor who confirmed it wasn’t her & a helpline who confirmed it wasn’t them so i have no idea who it was so that makes me really worried now. i did ask the police officer who told them and he said he can’t tell me which was strange as usually when they come they always say “we’ve had concerned passed onto us by *helpline inserted*” so i know who it was but he wouldn’t tell me. i just want to be able to live a life where im not in constant worry over every single noise, voice, vehicle etc i hear😭

Matthew_04 · October 28

That sounds so stressful @mai especially because your trust has been broken before.
I'm hearing that you were worried about every noise you heard outside in case it was the emergency services, that must have been so tough to deal with alone last night.
I can see how exhausting that must have been, especially since you were already so amped up.
Is there something nice you can do for yourself today to relax and try have a better night tonight?

mai · October 28

Matthew_04 wrote: »

That sounds so stressful @mai especially because your trust has been broken before.
I'm hearing that you were worried about every noise you heard outside in case it was the emergency services, that must have been so tough to deal with alone last night.
I can see how exhausting that must have been, especially since you were already so amped up.
Is there something nice you can do for yourself today to relax and try have a better night tonight?

@Matthew_04 no😭i really need to get a shower and wash my hair today but im scared to in case emergency services come. i spend my life convincing myself they’re coming. i hate me.

Redemption · October 28

I wish you could stay @Matthew_04 , can't believe you're leaving

Lottie5433 · October 28

I’m actually done with everything
Sat having a panic attack and wanting to hurt myself - I hate myself for all this
Why am I defective

Redemption · October 28

Lottie5433 wrote: »

I’m actually done with everything
Sat having a panic attack and wanting to hurt myself - I hate myself for all this
Why am I defective

Deep breaths @Lottie5433 , we are all here for you

Lottie5433 · October 28

Thank you @Redemption i just can’t focus on anything right now. My brain is chaos and overwhelmed and hates everything

Redemption · October 28

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Thank you @Redemption i just can’t focus on anything right now. My brain is chaos and overwhelmed and hates everything

No problem , I understand and we hear you. If you need any services I have some here

https://kellysheroes.org.uk/
These are normally pretty good they open at 6 pm till 10pm Monday to Friday and open on weekends 6pm till 11pm

https://www.myblackdog.co/
These are pretty good but only open Sunday to Wednesday 7pm till 10pm

https://knus.io/
This is a peer to peer support service, someone should set you up through a peer and chats are done through what's app

Shout is a text messaging service, open 24 hours but at night it takes a very long time to get through, text 85258

Phone service
Call 116 123
and has text service but it only works for some
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Leyla · October 28

@Lottie5433 Please continue to let us know how you're feeling, we hear that the urges to hurt yourself are really strong right now to cope with the thoughts.

Is there anyway you can perhaps spend some time with your pup or be in the room with your boyfriend? I know that has been really helpful for you in the past, even if it might feel hard to choose right now. We're all here for you, and we believe in you!

mai · October 28

i’ve just wasted a whole day scrolling through tiktok thinking about how much i would rather not be here (safe).

Lottie5433 · October 28

Leyla wrote: »

@Lottie5433 Please continue to let us know how you're feeling, we hear that the urges to hurt yourself are really strong right now to cope with the thoughts.

Is there anyway you can perhaps spend some time with your pup or be in the room with your boyfriend? I know that has been really helpful for you in the past, even if it might feel hard to choose right now. We're all here for you, and we believe in you!

@Leyla the urges are still strong. Trying to be crafty at home in my room whilst my boyfriend is at work but it’s kinda hard to do any crafts that I want without think about my thoughts anyway

Invisible_me · October 28

Redemption wrote: »

I wish you could stay @Matthew_04 , can't believe you're leaving

Ohh is @Matthew_04 leaving?? I can't see a thread.

Invisible_me · October 28

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Leyla wrote: »

@Lottie5433 Please continue to let us know how you're feeling, we hear that the urges to hurt yourself are really strong right now to cope with the thoughts.

Is there anyway you can perhaps spend some time with your pup or be in the room with your boyfriend? I know that has been really helpful for you in the past, even if it might feel hard to choose right now. We're all here for you, and we believe in you!

@Leyla the urges are still strong. Trying to be crafty at home in my room whilst my boyfriend is at work but it’s kinda hard to do any crafts that I want without think about my thoughts anyway

@Lottie5433

Well done for using the techniques! Its fustrating but unfortunately they don't work straight away, you have to keep using them- keep trying! How u feeling?

Dancer · 1:47PM

My friend`s mum is terminally ill with brain cancer. She has had to be moved to a hospice earlier this week and it`s not looking good. Maybe a few days or weeks. I knew that the cancer had been worsening and she wasn`t going to get better but I didn`t think it would be this quick.

Nemuritai · 2:02PM

@Dancer I'm really sorry to hear that, I can imagine that must be really hard for both you and your friend. How are you feeling about everything? We're always here if you need to talk

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 27.10.25

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