Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 20.10.25

Leyla · October 20

This is a space to chat or vent about whatever might be on your mind right now, nothing is too big or small!

Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's triggering stuff edition thread, click here.

Leyla · October 20

From @Redemption on the last thread before it closed:

Im just fucking slated for everything I fucking do

independent_ · October 20

I've decided I'm just going to have to resort to numbness and disassociation to get by at the moment. And not having here for a week does worry me. But it is what it is... and this is post number 9999 so I'm off to the GC thread to make the 10,000th before I go lol

Cutelivejazz · October 20

Im so exhausted im just not okay. I need a friend for once someone's thats actually gonna stay idk if its me but everyone seems to eventually leave it feels like everyone's holding a sword waiting for the right moment to stab me.

shannon_164 · October 20

hey @Cutelivejazz - i hope you’re ok!!

i hear how much you’re struggling right now with wanting to have a friend that actually will stay in your life, it’s totally understandable to want that and for sure very common to experience too! i can totally relate to that feeling, just waiting on everyone to leave as that’s what they always do - sometimes it’s for the best though with how people can treat you but you are so deserving of people that will treat you the way you deserve in life. is there anything you could maybe join to make friends? i know it can be hard in places like education or work, so maybe something with more of a focus on socialising? it might really help you

Nathan · October 20

Cutelivejazz wrote: »

Im so exhausted im just not okay. I need a friend for once someone's thats actually gonna stay idk if its me but everyone seems to eventually leave it feels like everyone's holding a sword waiting for the right moment to stab me.

@Cutelivejazz I know what you mean jazz. It's hard, especially when you've faced so many issues with past "friends" betraying you before, so it's normal to be wary of friends, but also normal to want to have a friend in person too despite all of that. And it can feel confusing. What i will say is that there are still some good people out there. Not all will stab you in the back.

Cutelivejazz · October 20

@shannon_164 ive literally thrown myself at every opportunity to make friends but nothing it just stays at surface level and everyone's like oh your dont need friend but as a person who barely had any friends until year 9 (so when I was 13/14) and got super attached to her (for context i have attachment issues i get super attached to people who show me the tiniest glimpse of kindness and i rly struggle when it comes to seperation this might sound weird but ive found it alwyas happens more with the guys in my life like my guy best friend (well he used to be its complicated) and a couple other guy friendsi breifly had i a friend group) and as i mentioned in chat im a very physical person like I will literally hug someone every 5 seconds bc ig thats the way I calm myself down and going from finally having a bestie to now having no one is rly hard for me especially after that false sense of security with my bestie and we still talk but it isn't the same and now when i feel like crap i feel rly scared bc idk who I can go to. Recently ive been vetrer with talking to adults bc at one point I rly trusted my maths teacher i was in his classroom every single day with my besite some other students which were all girls which tbh should of been the first red flag and there was this one incident that still like haunts me and makes my skin crawl. Basically i was in his classroom with my 3 other friends and smth happened and we were all laughing our heads off like in proper tears i think it was nc i drew a rly bad stick figure like horrendously bad and it was hilarious i tried to draw a pony tail and I looked like a certain smth else so my friend literally just went why does it have that on its head anyway im getting side tracked. Basically I was staning at the end of the table bent over looking at the picture laughing while. Then I was trying to get my hair bobble out while still bent over laughing my hair off and it got stuck so my friends tried to help then my maths teacher came along and was like do you need help and I was like yeah so he stood behind me while keeping in mind I was bent over the desk not rly paying attention to my position then it was class time everyone left and it was just me and him in the room he was trying to help me get the hair tie out and he kept saying oh this must be rly embarrassing for you and I thought he was saying the fact that the hair tie was stuck in my hair but he ment the way I was standing which I didnt realise at the time anyway after a while I realised that I was kinda bent over the table and I got rly uncomfortable and he was standing rly close to me like uncomfortably close so I couldn't move and I was literally squirming and he was very much clearly enjoying it. If you couldn't tell he was a pedo and got arrested in Feb last year his house got raided and they found pretty disgusting stuff that i won't even go to i mean what I experienced was nothing compared to the other girls but none of us got any support for it and when I asked they said well why do you need support you just finished counselling

shannon_164 · October 20

oh wow @Cutelivejazz that sounds like such a heavy thing to carry!! you don’t at all deserve to have been through all of that. i hope that you know none of that was your fault, and it’s completely valid to feel hurt, confused, and even scared after everything that happened. it also makes total sense that you’d crave closeness and connection right now, and you deserve to have people around you who make you feel safe and cared for. please don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re “too much” for wanting that - i promise you that you are absolutely NOT!

i know it might feel impossible right now, but the right people will come, the ones who actually see and appreciate you for who you are! i’m really proud of you for opening up about all this, it takes a lot of strength to share something so personal, i know it isn’t easy

eylah · October 21

got to travel to london today then a hour on top of that. i rly don’t want to do it bc i never travelled on a train before. but if i want my relationship that ended to get back together then i have to.

Nathan · October 21

eylah wrote: »

got to travel to london today then a hour on top of that. i rly don’t want to do it bc i never travelled on a train before. but if i want my relationship that ended to get back together then i have to.

@eylah that sounds exhausting. Aren't you able to talk over facetime or something so you don't have to go so far?

eylah · October 21

Nathan wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

got to travel to london today then a hour on top of that. i rly don’t want to do it bc i never travelled on a train before. but if i want my relationship that ended to get back together then i have to.

@eylah that sounds exhausting. Aren't you able to talk over facetime or something so you don't have to go so far?

i want to see him. plus bc of everything that’s happened past few days i need a break from my home town. so ive decided going to him for a mini holiday will do me gd.

. just the journey is scary.

River · October 21

Somehow managed to loose my laptop 💀

so_very_tired · October 21

This is my first time posting on here so sorry if I do something wrong but I need to vent about something that happened an hour or two ago that I'm pretty damn pissed at. So I got a call from my Mum telling me that she told my course director that she doesn't want me to do a position at the asda cafe (For context, I am doing a Supported Internship and someone on the course suggested I do a position at the asfa cafe because I have a qualification catering and because it will be very easy for them to get a postion there for me.) The reason my mum didn't want me doing that position was because I was primarily just going to be doing dishwasher and I will admit, I'm not exactly happy about it either as i would of liked to be more involved, but i would of been fine with it if it was only to get me used to working there and getting adjusted and i would be doing more in the coming weeks. The thing I'm am pissed about though, is that she told my course director to not bother getting me a position at Asda. The reason why I am so fucking pissed about this though is because it took a good few weeks to set all this up and I should primarily have an internship by the end of the half term and now I very well could have to start searching somewhere else. I was also pretty pissed of when she decided to call me as well, she decided to call me while I was talking to a therapist about controlling my emotions, something that I already find pretty stressful now just got even more stressful for me as I was pretty agitated for the rest of the session. (The session it self was finr though, i got to vent a bit to my therapist about it.) Lastly, I was not informed by by the college about any of this as I would of liked to give my own opinion and ask if something can be done to be more involved or if there is another position somewhere else I could take instead. Right now, I'm going emil someone in the course and see if anything can be done. And that's it. This was longer than I expected.

Nathan · October 21

so_very_tired wrote: »

This is my first time posting on here so sorry if I do something wrong but I need to vent about something that happened an hour or two ago that I'm pretty damn pissed at. So I got a call from my Mum telling me that she told my course director that she doesn't want me to do a position at the asda cafe (For context, I am doing a Supported Internship and someone on the course suggested I do a position at the asfa cafe because I have a qualification catering and because it will be very easy for them to get a postion there for me.) The reason my mum didn't want me doing that position was because I was primarily just going to be doing dishwasher and I will admit, I'm not exactly happy about it either as i would of liked to be more involved, but i would of been fine with it if it was only to get me used to working there and getting adjusted and i would be doing more in the coming weeks. The thing I'm am pissed about though, is that she told my course director to not bother getting me a position at Asda. The reason why I am so fucking pissed about this though is because it took a good few weeks to set all this up and I should primarily have an internship by the end of the half term and now I very well could have to start searching somewhere else. I was also pretty pissed of when she decided to call me as well, she decided to call me while I was talking to a therapist about controlling my emotions, something that I already find pretty stressful now just got even more stressful for me as I was pretty agitated for the rest of the session. (The session it self was finr though, i got to vent a bit to my therapist about it.) Lastly, I was not informed by by the college about any of this as I would of liked to give my own opinion and ask if something can be done to be more involved or if there is another position somewhere else I could take instead. Right now, I'm going emil someone in the course and see if anything can be done. And that's it. This was longer than I expected.

@so_very_tired don't worry friend, you've done nothing wrong at all. That's not a helicopter parent so_very_tired, that's a helicopter parent with a radar and sonar kit and then some. An work experience position is a work experience position, no matter what. It's something that A) you can put on your CV and B ) is something that can get your foot in through the door in the catering industry. At the end of the day, you have the knowledge, it's just the experience you need i assume. And the reality is that all entry level jobs aren't prestigious or anything, but good for starting out. So i can only imagine how enraging it must be to have a position locked down, only for your mother to swoop in and pull the rug out from underneath you. It really isn't fair at all on you.

And for your mum to have called you during a therapy session, that is just madness. My advice, put the phone on silent and ignore her call during therapy sessions. It really seems incredibly toxic and uncaring. Interrupting your mental health support, pulling the rug out from underneath you for a position in the industry, and then to tell you what she did over call? That's incredibly toxic. It's your life and your path, not hers. The term helicopter parent really does stick here.

And lastly, you are 100% right that the college should have informed you. It's your future, you doing the course, you doing the work, you are the one who needs to know everything going on. It's not your mum doing the course. I'm sorry but how in the heck is it considered okay to be told by the college that they can get you a position, and then after who knows how long, you find out through your mum that they aren't trying to get you a position on her orders, and the college have left you in the dark, wasting time that could have been put towards searching for other positions. That is outright sabotage, from your mum and your college, or at the very least, negligence.

How you are feeling is entirely valid, and you have every right to be outraged friend.

toffuna101 · October 22

i did bad in my mock exam, i was so confused on the questions. if i get anything above 10 marks ill be surprised.

so_very_tired · October 22

So I'm actually going to be doing the internship at asda after all. I talked to my mum about it and for some reason, she is now fine with me doing this internship even though she thinks I won't be doing much at all and wasting my talent. No idea when I'm starting, hopefully soon. Still pissed her and the college and still feel like utter shit.

Nemuritai · October 22

Hi - I've never posted here before but I really need to get something off my chest. Apologies if I end up rambling.

I don't really understand what my parents are angry about, I'm assuming they're stressed out right now, but they've been taking it all out on me this past week. I generally don't get on great with them but recently one of my parents ends up shouting hurtful things at me whenever I'm around, so I've been trying to keep to myself. They've been telling me that I'm useless and pathetic and that they want me to move out as soon as I'm old enough because it's 'hell living with me'. I'm not entirely sure what I've done for them to say those things and they usually don't shout at me like that, but I've been feeling kind of empty and low lately and my parents just minimise me whenever I tell them and say I'm just sulking, which I'm not. I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to act around them right now, because they seem to get angry whether I talk to them or stay out of the way. I hope that didn't sound too confusing.

Nathan · October 22

so_very_tired wrote: »

So I'm actually going to be doing the internship at asda after all. I talked to my mum about it and for some reason, she is now fine with me doing this internship even though she thinks I won't be doing much at all and wasting my talent. No idea when I'm starting, hopefully soon. Still pissed her and the college and still feel like utter shit.

@so_very_tired you have every right to be pissed. Even if it has worked out in the end, that doesn't make it okay what happened. If it was in some sectors, that entry position would have been filled within the hour. You shouldn't have been left in the dark by your mum and your college for so long, you shouldn't have had that temporary pause on things with the internship, and you shouldn't have had the rug pulled out from under you in the first place at all, or temporarily been blocked from going down the path you chose. Just because the rug got put back, and no lasting impact was done, it still doesn't make it okay.

shannon_164 · October 22

hey @Nemuritai 🙂

firstly, thank you for sharing this with us as i know it’s not easy to talk about such things! i can kind of relate to a lot of what you’ve said too from my own experience but please know this isn’t your fault, even if it feels like it is right now.

it sounds really painful, and you don’t deserve to be spoken to like that, especially when you’re already feeling low. it makes sense that you’d feel empty and unsure how to act, that’s you just trying to protect yourself.

their words don’t define you - you’re not useless or pathetic, i promise! you are so deserving of kindness and support.

i wonder if you have any support around you? if you want to share, no pressure! we’re all here for you

Nathan · October 22

Nemuritai wrote: »

Hi - I've never posted here before but I really need to get something off my chest. Apologies if I end up rambling.

I don't really understand what my parents are angry about, I'm assuming they're stressed out right now, but they've been taking it all out on me this past week. I generally don't get on great with them but recently one of my parents ends up shouting hurtful things at me whenever I'm around, so I've been trying to keep to myself. They've been telling me that I'm useless and pathetic and that they want me to move out as soon as I'm old enough because it's 'hell living with me'. I'm not entirely sure what I've done for them to say those things and they usually don't shout at me like that, but I've been feeling kind of empty and low lately and my parents just minimise me whenever I tell them and say I'm just sulking, which I'm not. I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to act around them right now, because they seem to get angry whether I talk to them or stay out of the way. I hope that didn't sound too confusing.

@Nemuritai no worries, rambling is perfectly okay. I call it venting myself, so no need to apologise for getting things of your chest. It isn't confusing at all.

Parents are supposed to be supportive, caring, and encouraging. What your parents are doing is the exact opposite. They are demeaning you, and bringing you down with cruel insults, demoralising you bit by bit, and over time, that really destroys a persons self worth and self belief and has lingering long term effects on mental heath. And then to dismiss and and minimise the impact it's having on you as "sulking" is outright cruel. I want to assure you right now on that point that what they saying is utter crap. If somebody who is supposed to be supportive does the opposite and demeans you and belittles you instead, that says more about them than it does about you. If there was an issue, parents should sit you down and talk calmly about the issue and nudge you in the right direction on it, but for them to instead try and break you down with insults and belittling comments instead, is outright wrong.

I know that it's hard to when you get shouted at when you try to keep to yourself, but also get shouted at when you make yourself known and are present, and it can be confusing. And i know this won't make any difference, but i want to say that you do deserve better than that.

Nathan · October 22

toffuna101 wrote: »

i did bad in my mock exam, i was so confused on the questions. if i get anything above 10 marks ill be surprised.

@toffuna101 the good news is that it is only a mock. Mock exams are there to learn from, to practice from, to see where you get things wrong, and then improve on those things. I know it might feel demoralising, and even somewhat crushing, but i want to make this clear that it's a learning experience, and won't impact your final grades of your course.

So try and learn from the things you struggled with this time, and you'll do even better next time. Also, mock exams can be quite interesting. Also, Some people think they do terrible on them, but are surprised to get really good grades instead. Try not to jump to conclusions with it yet, as you might have even surprised yourself.

Nemuritai · October 22

@shannon_164 @Nathan I really appreciate hearing that, it honestly means the world to have people listen

It might not change what's happening but it makes me feel so much lighter knowing other people care.

To answer Shannon's question, I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life, I only have my parents really. It's kind of complicated but I've always been quite isolated, and just bad at communicating in general, so I've never had any friends or anyone to talk to. But I'm really grateful to have this community to turn to, and although I've not been here for long I really like it here.

Nathan · October 22

Nemuritai wrote: »

@shannon_164 @Nathan I really appreciate hearing that, it honestly means the world to have people listen It might not change what's happening but it makes me feel so much lighter knowing other people care.

To answer Shannon's question, I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life, I only have my parents really. It's kind of complicated but I've always been quite isolated, and just bad at communicating in general, so I've never had any friends or anyone to talk to. But I'm really grateful to have this community to turn to, and although I've not been here for long I really like it here.

@Nemuritai I only made my first ever friends 6 months ago when i joined here. I fully get being isolated and how much of an impact and toll it takes on your mental health, and to have the only people you talk to being so hostile and demeaning, but i can promise you that you'll always have friends on here who will listen to you, support you and who genuinely care about you. You aren't alone anymore friend.

Nemuritai · October 22

@Nathan Thank you so much

shannon_164 · October 22

Nemuritai wrote: »

@shannon_164 @Nathan I really appreciate hearing that, it honestly means the world to have people listen It might not change what's happening but it makes me feel so much lighter knowing other people care.

To answer Shannon's question, I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life, I only have my parents really. It's kind of complicated but I've always been quite isolated, and just bad at communicating in general, so I've never had any friends or anyone to talk to. But I'm really grateful to have this community to turn to, and although I've not been here for long I really like it here.

i understand how that feels @Nemuritai in terms of not having anybody to talk to in real life, that’s been my situation for several years too but i’ve met so many amazing people on here! apologies if you already know but there’s also lots of chats that happen too (the weekly schedule is in the community announcement section of the boards) and also in the halloween section there is some info about stuff happening over halloween too. in case it’s helpful for you here’s a list of other services too that may be helpful for you - you deserve support

if you’re feeling unsafe pls reach out for immediate support from the following:
nhs 111 - england / scotland / wales (option 2 for mental health)

phone first - northern ireland (8am-6pm monday-friday; the number will vary depending on the health & social care trust area that you live in)

out of hours - northern ireland (6pm-7:30am monday-friday, 24/7 weekends; the number will vary depending on the health & social care trust area that you live in)

999 - england / scotland / wales / northern ireland

uk helplines - some of these are specific to england / scotland / wales / northern ireland & also depend on age too:
childline (24/7) - call 08001111

shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258

hopeline (24/7) - text 88247

samaritans (24/7) - call 116123

lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000

papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141

inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036

community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737

knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687

mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393

rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927

kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website

saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000

calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858

suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800

sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

Cutelivejazz · October 22

Im feeling pretty lonely like i mentioned in chat I did some maths which helped I feel like maths always helps just smth abt numbers is so peaceful like crunch crunch like does that make any sense I feel like bc I need to give all my attention to it and my brain just likes numbers bc crunch crunch (idk if that makes any sense whatsoever) like my brain is actually quiet for once and plus like its soothing going through steps and doing things in order idk I just like it anyway im just rambling bc why not

Nathan · October 22

@Cutelivejazz i fully understand that. it makes perfect sense. I always liked maths myself because unlike things like english, maths was a fixed answer, had a fixed solution, and didn't leave room for interpretation. It's very much matter of fact, with no room for anything else. I'm really glad you've got something that is both calming and helps to stop your brain from going into overdrive. Even just as a short bit of break, that sounds good. If it works, it works.

And it's not rambling at all, it's talking. Nothing wrong with either talking or rambling btw.

so_very_tired · October 22

Nathan wrote: »

so_very_tired wrote: »

So I'm actually going to be doing the internship at asda after all. I talked to my mum about it and for some reason, she is now fine with me doing this internship even though she thinks I won't be doing much at all and wasting my talent. No idea when I'm starting, hopefully soon. Still pissed her and the college and still feel like utter shit.

@so_very_tired you have every right to be pissed. Even if it has worked out in the end, that doesn't make it okay what happened. If it was in some sectors, that entry position would have been filled within the hour. You shouldn't have been left in the dark by your mum and your college for so long, you shouldn't have had that temporary pause on things with the internship, and you shouldn't have had the rug pulled out from under you in the first place at all, or temporarily been blocked from going down the path you chose. Just because the rug got put back, and no lasting impact was done, it still doesn't make it okay.

I was never trying to make the implication that any of this was okay and I think one of the main reasons why my mental health is so bad right now is because of the internship and some family problems, they have both put a lot of stress on me. But at least one of them was sorted out.

Cutelivejazz · 7:03AM

Im feeling pretty lonely
Edit: My bestie found someone and im happy for her I really really am but idk it just feels like the universe is handing out happy moments and care I just got skipped over again

shannon_164 · 8:09AM

i’m supposed to be at college today but i genuinely am not in the mood for it at all. i feel awful as i already missed monday too for the same reason and now im missing today as i actually can’t face it.

our ucas deadline is tomorrow, do i even care? no. will i regret that at a later date? probably.

i’m genuinely so so close to dropping out for good this time and simply not going back again.

Nemuritai · 8:54AM

Hi @Cutelivejazz - nice to meet you by the way! I know this doesn't change what's happening, but I understand what that feels like, and I'm here if you ever need to vent

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 20.10.25

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