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my bf keeps mentioning his ex any second he gets 😕

eylaheylah Community Connector Posts: 9,414 Supreme Poster
in Sex & Relationships
im rly struggling bc he keeps bringing up his ex gf and it’s rly doing my head in. he doesn’t understand that i rly dont want to know abt his ex gf and that it’s just ridiculous that he keeps going on abt his ex gf. like have has not moved on from her? he must feel something abt her bc he talks abt her literally every day. and he doesn’t care or seem to care that it bothers me. i know it might make me sound a bit crazy but it’s rly not fair. i struggle with relationships anyway and hearing her name every day is just not nice for me to hear. also bc my ex bf was rly abusive towards me i get scared to get attached to ppl and love ppl so loving. him and trying to is just rly traumatic for me so hearing her name come out of his mouth literally any second he gets the chance it’s rly hard for me to cope with it.

i don’t want to come across as a insecure person but it’s rly just shit for me to be in this position. i love him i do but i dont want to have to constantly hear this nonsense. he even said he wants to go back to the same spot she is from which is a bit daft bc he has a new gf ( me )and he wants to travel to that same place where she is from.. its like he misses his ex gf and i just idk if i want to bother with this anymore. :( i would miss him if we broke up but idk if i can break up with him. its so hard for me and i just needed to let all this out. it hurts so much :(. i feel so alone in this he may as well be with his ex gf bc she seems to mean more to him then i ever have done. i hate everything. :heartbreak::( it’s like im not gd enough and it hurts so much. i just want to be loved and cared for but im not and it’s shit. i hate everything.
ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

Comments

  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Community Connector Posts: 2,068 Boards Champion
    @eylah i may have the emotional intelligence of a brick and am the least qualified person in all of human civilization to talk relationships, but I can promise you don't deserve to feel overshadowed like this, and you aren't being crazy or insecure. From my understanding, any relationship should be just you and your boyfriend, not ex's being brought up at every chance, not being made to feel like your crazy, and not being made to feel hurt like this. It definitely sounds as though he's never gotten over her fully, and she's still on his mind a huge amount. Bringing his ex brought up everyday to you, his current partner, is something that sounds really disrespectful and incredibly insensitive of him, and it's understandable it will be taking a toll on you. It doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic at all by the sounds of it, and no relationship should ever leave you feeling like your not good enough or should leave you upset like this.

    What i would advise is that you draw a line in the sand over this point and set a boundary that isn't to be crossed. It might be worth talking to him, explaining how it's been making you feel, and how in any context it is disrespectful to bring up everyday, and explain the impact it's been having on you. And then make clear that your setting a boundary over this point. That way, there's no room for him to continue on by pleading ignorance, he will 100% know of the impact it's having undeniably, and whether he stops or not will then be up to him, but he'll have no excuse if he keeps doing it. I am mindful though that it's an extremely difficult anniversary coming up for you, and i don't want you to be alone on that day and take on too much at once, so it may be worth delaying this for a few days just until after if you feel like this is something you want to do. At least, this is what i would advise.

    I also want to make this point abundantly clear, and this is something that every single person on here will agree with me on, you deserve to be loved and cared for, you are good enough, and nothing anybody else does changes that. Sorry if this sounds like rambling or sounds like awful advice. As i said at the start, i have the emotional intelligence of a brick and relationship advice is not something i'm good at giving.
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,482 Part of The Furniture
    eylah wrote: »
    im rly struggling bc he keeps bringing up his ex gf and it’s rly doing my head in. he doesn’t understand that i rly dont want to know abt his ex gf and that it’s just ridiculous that he keeps going on abt his ex gf. like have has not moved on from her? he must feel something abt her bc he talks abt her literally every day. and he doesn’t care or seem to care that it bothers me. i know it might make me sound a bit crazy but it’s rly not fair. i struggle with relationships anyway and hearing her name every day is just not nice for me to hear. also bc my ex bf was rly abusive towards me i get scared to get attached to ppl and love ppl so loving. him and trying to is just rly traumatic for me so hearing her name come out of his mouth literally any second he gets the chance it’s rly hard for me to cope with it.

    i don’t want to come across as a insecure person but it’s rly just shit for me to be in this position. i love him i do but i dont want to have to constantly hear this nonsense. he even said he wants to go back to the same spot she is from which is a bit daft bc he has a new gf ( me )and he wants to travel to that same place where she is from.. its like he misses his ex gf and i just idk if i want to bother with this anymore. :( i would miss him if we broke up but idk if i can break up with him. its so hard for me and i just needed to let all this out. it hurts so much :(. i feel so alone in this he may as well be with his ex gf bc she seems to mean more to him then i ever have done. i hate everything. :heartbreak::( it’s like im not gd enough and it hurts so much. i just want to be loved and cared for but im not and it’s shit. i hate everything.

    @eylah your feelings are valid and its absolutely understandable how you feel about him talking about his ex, Im sure most if not all women would feel the same. I hear you and its so understandable how you feel. You absolutely deserve him to be focused on you, hes lucky to have an incredible young lady like you. Everything you said here is valid and understandable. Im so so sorry you have been through previous traumas in other relationships. You definitely definitely are good enough and dont deserve any of this treatment. Have you got anyone you trust to talk about this? We are here and Im here too, we wouldn't judge you. Of course you want to be loved and cared for, you absolutely deserve that. Big hugs if you're confortable with that.
  • eylaheylah Community Connector Posts: 9,414 Supreme Poster
    edited September 20
    DonnerKebab wrote: »
    @eylah i may have the emotional intelligence of a brick and am the least qualified person in all of human civilization to talk relationships, but I can promise you don't deserve to feel overshadowed like this, and you aren't being crazy or insecure. From my understanding, any relationship should be just you and your boyfriend, not ex's being brought up at every chance, not being made to feel like your crazy, and not being made to feel hurt like this. It definitely sounds as though he's never gotten over her fully, and she's still on his mind a huge amount. Bringing his ex brought up everyday to you, his current partner, is something that sounds really disrespectful and incredibly insensitive of him, and it's understandable it will be taking a toll on you. It doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic at all by the sounds of it, and no relationship should ever leave you feeling like your not good enough or should leave you upset like this.

    What i would advise is that you draw a line in the sand over this point and set a boundary that isn't to be crossed. It might be worth talking to him, explaining how it's been making you feel, and how in any context it is disrespectful to bring up everyday, and explain the impact it's been having on you. And then make clear that your setting a boundary over this point. That way, there's no room for him to continue on by pleading ignorance, he will 100% know of the impact it's having undeniably, and whether he stops or not will then be up to him, but he'll have no excuse if he keeps doing it. I am mindful though that it's an extremely difficult anniversary coming up for you, and i don't want you to be alone on that day and take on too much at once, so it may be worth delaying this for a few days just until after if you feel like this is something you want to do. At least, this is what i would advise.

    I also want to make this point abundantly clear, and this is something that every single person on here will agree with me on, you deserve to be loved and cared for, you are good enough, and nothing anybody else does changes that. Sorry if this sounds like rambling or sounds like awful advice. As i said at the start, i have the emotional intelligence of a brick and relationship advice is not something i'm good at giving.

    so i spoke to him abt how it’s making me feel and at first he was like you need to stop being so jslous bc apparently that doesn’t look gd on me apparently. so that made me more upset bc im not a jealous type but the fact i just want to be loved and feel it but getting nothing is just hurting.

    he was playing with his friend all night so i havent talked to him yet. i just hope things will sort themselves out bc its hurting me. he knows abt what my ex did to me etc and he sympathised with me which makes 0 sense. :( i just feel so hurt isolated alone and not loved. :( why is it so hard to be loved. :(

    thankyou also for always replying and being so kind to me. it means the world to me. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • eylaheylah Community Connector Posts: 9,414 Supreme Poster
    Redemption wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    im rly struggling bc he keeps bringing up his ex gf and it’s rly doing my head in. he doesn’t understand that i rly dont want to know abt his ex gf and that it’s just ridiculous that he keeps going on abt his ex gf. like have has not moved on from her? he must feel something abt her bc he talks abt her literally every day. and he doesn’t care or seem to care that it bothers me. i know it might make me sound a bit crazy but it’s rly not fair. i struggle with relationships anyway and hearing her name every day is just not nice for me to hear. also bc my ex bf was rly abusive towards me i get scared to get attached to ppl and love ppl so loving. him and trying to is just rly traumatic for me so hearing her name come out of his mouth literally any second he gets the chance it’s rly hard for me to cope with it.

    i don’t want to come across as a insecure person but it’s rly just shit for me to be in this position. i love him i do but i dont want to have to constantly hear this nonsense. he even said he wants to go back to the same spot she is from which is a bit daft bc he has a new gf ( me )and he wants to travel to that same place where she is from.. its like he misses his ex gf and i just idk if i want to bother with this anymore. :( i would miss him if we broke up but idk if i can break up with him. its so hard for me and i just needed to let all this out. it hurts so much :(. i feel so alone in this he may as well be with his ex gf bc she seems to mean more to him then i ever have done. i hate everything. :heartbreak::( it’s like im not gd enough and it hurts so much. i just want to be loved and cared for but im not and it’s shit. i hate everything.

    @eylah your feelings are valid and its absolutely understandable how you feel about him talking about his ex, Im sure most if not all women would feel the same. I hear you and its so understandable how you feel. You absolutely deserve him to be focused on you, hes lucky to have an incredible young lady like you. Everything you said here is valid and understandable. Im so so sorry you have been through previous traumas in other relationships. You definitely definitely are good enough and dont deserve any of this treatment. Have you got anyone you trust to talk about this? We are here and Im here too, we wouldn't judge you. Of course you want to be loved and cared for, you absolutely deserve that. Big hugs if you're confortable with that.

    hey . unfortunately i have no one to talk to abt this. i dont talk to my dad anymore bc of reasons and of course my mum isn’t here anymore so i dont have anyone. thankyou for replying and being so kind and sensitive. it means a lot to me. :)
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,482 Part of The Furniture
    eylah wrote: »
    Redemption wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    im rly struggling bc he keeps bringing up his ex gf and it’s rly doing my head in. he doesn’t understand that i rly dont want to know abt his ex gf and that it’s just ridiculous that he keeps going on abt his ex gf. like have has not moved on from her? he must feel something abt her bc he talks abt her literally every day. and he doesn’t care or seem to care that it bothers me. i know it might make me sound a bit crazy but it’s rly not fair. i struggle with relationships anyway and hearing her name every day is just not nice for me to hear. also bc my ex bf was rly abusive towards me i get scared to get attached to ppl and love ppl so loving. him and trying to is just rly traumatic for me so hearing her name come out of his mouth literally any second he gets the chance it’s rly hard for me to cope with it.

    i don’t want to come across as a insecure person but it’s rly just shit for me to be in this position. i love him i do but i dont want to have to constantly hear this nonsense. he even said he wants to go back to the same spot she is from which is a bit daft bc he has a new gf ( me )and he wants to travel to that same place where she is from.. its like he misses his ex gf and i just idk if i want to bother with this anymore. :( i would miss him if we broke up but idk if i can break up with him. its so hard for me and i just needed to let all this out. it hurts so much :(. i feel so alone in this he may as well be with his ex gf bc she seems to mean more to him then i ever have done. i hate everything. :heartbreak::( it’s like im not gd enough and it hurts so much. i just want to be loved and cared for but im not and it’s shit. i hate everything.

    @eylah your feelings are valid and its absolutely understandable how you feel about him talking about his ex, Im sure most if not all women would feel the same. I hear you and its so understandable how you feel. You absolutely deserve him to be focused on you, hes lucky to have an incredible young lady like you. Everything you said here is valid and understandable. Im so so sorry you have been through previous traumas in other relationships. You definitely definitely are good enough and dont deserve any of this treatment. Have you got anyone you trust to talk about this? We are here and Im here too, we wouldn't judge you. Of course you want to be loved and cared for, you absolutely deserve that. Big hugs if you're confortable with that.

    hey . unfortunately i have no one to talk to abt this. i dont talk to my dad anymore bc of reasons and of course my mum isn’t here anymore so i dont have anyone. thankyou for replying and being so kind and sensitive. it means a lot to me. :)

    We are here for you no matter what to talk about stuff, Eylah. No problem about replying and everything. You deserve the absolute world Eylah.
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