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Overthinking and social issues

I’ve become more aware of my overthinking and I’m trying to work on it. I do feel like I’ve made some progress, but it’s still something I struggle with. A big trigger is when I message people and don’t get a reply or get left on seen. My mind jumps to thinking I’ve done something wrong, that people are getting sick of me, or that I’m being a burden. In a group chat with people from my course, I sometimes ask a question and get no reply, and even though it’s likely they just didn’t want to answer or were busy, I still end up overthinking. I remind myself that everyone is different. I’d probably reply and say I’d rather not answer, but not everyone would, and that’s okay. If someone had an issue with me, they’d probably block me or say something. Being left on seen usually isn’t about me personally.
This tendency to overthink has been around for a long time. I remember years ago watching Instagram lives from YouTubers, and if my question didn’t get answered, I’d panic and convince myself they were talking about me. That mindset still creeps in sometimes, especially because I’ve had friends and college staff talk behind my back, which has made me more paranoid and sensitive. I overthink in other situations too, like driving. If I make a small mistake and get honked at, I dwell on it for ages. Even when I get feedback like being told I’ve done well but to try not to be late, I focus too much on the negative and ignore the positive. I also constantly worry that I’m annoying people or being a burden, because sometimes I probably have been, and those thoughts stay with me. I think a lot of this comes from past experiences and the fact I’m going through a hard time in life right now.
My social anxiety adds to it. Only about a year ago I managed to start answering the door myself. Just a few months ago I started going to drive-through takeaways on my own. One time I went through the drive-through, got my food, but drove off before they gave me my drink, and I overthought that for ages. I was already anxious and that mistake made it worse. That same day I went to Argos to collect an order, but they said it wasn’t ready even though I had a message saying it was. I went back and still got told the same thing until I showed the message and they gave it to me. It should have been a simple task, but it ended up awkward and fed into my overthinking. My anxiety also shows in situations with familiar people. My old driving instructor came to our house and even though I knew him well, I couldn’t say hello. A few years ago I visited my old school to collect certificates and see my mentor, and I was really nervous even though I’d known them for years. I still think about that now, even though it was four years ago. More recently, I went to a park where my uncle’s old tennis partner and his wife were running their coffee trailer. I’ve known them for years and even went to primary school with their son, but I couldn’t bring myself to go up and buy a coffee. My social anxiety stopped me even though I knew they’d be friendly.
Overall, I’m just trying to overcome all this. The overthinking, the anxiety, the constant self-doubt and fear that I’m bothering people. I know I’ve improved compared to how I used to be, but I still want to get to a place where I don’t overthink every little thing and where anxiety doesn’t stop me from doing normal things.
This tendency to overthink has been around for a long time. I remember years ago watching Instagram lives from YouTubers, and if my question didn’t get answered, I’d panic and convince myself they were talking about me. That mindset still creeps in sometimes, especially because I’ve had friends and college staff talk behind my back, which has made me more paranoid and sensitive. I overthink in other situations too, like driving. If I make a small mistake and get honked at, I dwell on it for ages. Even when I get feedback like being told I’ve done well but to try not to be late, I focus too much on the negative and ignore the positive. I also constantly worry that I’m annoying people or being a burden, because sometimes I probably have been, and those thoughts stay with me. I think a lot of this comes from past experiences and the fact I’m going through a hard time in life right now.
My social anxiety adds to it. Only about a year ago I managed to start answering the door myself. Just a few months ago I started going to drive-through takeaways on my own. One time I went through the drive-through, got my food, but drove off before they gave me my drink, and I overthought that for ages. I was already anxious and that mistake made it worse. That same day I went to Argos to collect an order, but they said it wasn’t ready even though I had a message saying it was. I went back and still got told the same thing until I showed the message and they gave it to me. It should have been a simple task, but it ended up awkward and fed into my overthinking. My anxiety also shows in situations with familiar people. My old driving instructor came to our house and even though I knew him well, I couldn’t say hello. A few years ago I visited my old school to collect certificates and see my mentor, and I was really nervous even though I’d known them for years. I still think about that now, even though it was four years ago. More recently, I went to a park where my uncle’s old tennis partner and his wife were running their coffee trailer. I’ve known them for years and even went to primary school with their son, but I couldn’t bring myself to go up and buy a coffee. My social anxiety stopped me even though I knew they’d be friendly.
Overall, I’m just trying to overcome all this. The overthinking, the anxiety, the constant self-doubt and fear that I’m bothering people. I know I’ve improved compared to how I used to be, but I still want to get to a place where I don’t overthink every little thing and where anxiety doesn’t stop me from doing normal things.
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Comments
Firstly, I just want to say that we really appreciate you sharing so openly and honestly. Everything you’ve said about overthinking, social anxiety, and those spirals of self-doubt feel really deeply relatable and human. You’re not alone in feeling this way, even if it often feels like you are. That jump your mind sometimes makes from silence to self-blame is something so many of us experience, especially when we’ve been hurt before. The past can be really alive in the present sometimes, and the impact of previous hurts can linger. It makes total sense that those past betrayals or awkward moments you've described still echo today, even if you wish they wouldn't. It sounds like part of you is still on high-alert for that kind of treatment, and trying to protect you maybe.
It feels really positive that you're holding so much self-awareness around this, and that you're also reminding yourself that different people communicate in different ways. That's a really significant step. And even if the anxiety still kicks in sometimes, the fact that you notice it and try to stay grounded and to be kind to yourself / hold onto hope about other people being kind is hugely positive too.
I really do hear just how exhausting it is to carry that fear of being a burden, especially when it follows you into situations that should feel simple or everyday. Fearing you're a burden can be so awful - feeling like you're constantly tiptoeing through your own life, second-guessing every word or need, or getting worried that simply existing might be too much for someone else. I wonder if this is something you've felt able to chat through with other people or support systems before, e.g. within therapy? I wonder too how it feels to put your thoughts into words here? You're doing so well to express this because you deserve to not have to carry it all alone!
How have you been taking care of yourself lately @Redemption ? Even in small little ways? What's one promise you could make to yourself for the next time you're anxious or your thoughts are racing? How can you find some kindness for yourself there and reassure yourself?
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