I give up TW// suicide!!

River · July 15

I want to die. I just, I feel like no one understands me or my feelings and it just kinda hurts like why does not one single person understand. Maybe I’m just gone wrong. I’m really trying my hardest to be like others and not a complete weirdo but it’s so difficult when I feel like I can’t just be me but who I act like is a total jerk

say: Ive always liked being alone, i dont make friends, im mostly non verbal, i sit there and organise things by Color for hours, im not a neat and tidy person but things have to be in colour order, i observe everywhere i go, id rather sit in pouring rain than be inside, i hate rain but its comfort, i put a blanket in the bath and lay there for hours thinking about things, i dont sleep on a bed, i hate duvets, im just weird

DonnerKebab · July 15

@River Hey river, i just wanted to say, you are not a wierdo at all. You are who you are, and who you are is good, and screw others for trying to act like you have to fit into there mould of what it means to be normal. There's nothing bad about any of the things you described. 99% of my uni was introverts as was I, you being an introvert?, nothing wrong with that. You not making friends? You're my first friend in 23 years, nothing wrong with that either, mostly non verbal?, that's perfectly fine, nothing wrong with that, a bit of OCD perhaps?, it's quite normal, sitting in the rain is fine, observing wherever you go if fine, blanket in the bath is unique but perfectly fine, and not sleeping on a bed is also fine (i slept on a table for 2 days to sort out a back issue once, trust me, it's fine). There is nothing wrong with being unique River. It would be a very dull world without people being unique. Think of it like that.

You shouldn't have to struggle to try and be like others, just you being you is good enough. I understand the exhaustion and the tiredness, and not wanting to suffer through it anymore. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to be anybody o0ther than who you are friend.

River · July 15

Thank you @DonnerKebab like I have a bed before anyone takes it the wrong way but sometimes because of trauma I genuinely just have to sleep on the floor to feel safe

can literally sleep on coat hangers just to feel safe

it’s hard

DonnerKebab · July 15

River wrote: »

Thank you @DonnerKebab like I have a bed before anyone takes it the wrong way but sometimes because of trauma I genuinely just have to sleep on the floor to feel safe can literally sleep on coat hangers just to feel safe it’s hard

@River i can completely understand how hard that could be. A lot of the time, i'd volunteer to sleep on the stairs outside my brothers room because he had a habit at night of running downstairs and going into the kitchen and messing things up in there, and in the front room and trying to unlock the front door to run outside. It sucked, but it was needed. It's not the same as trauma though.

Can i ask if you're at least able to make the floor comfy for you?

River · July 16

When the trauma is bad and sleeping on a bed doesn’t feel safe anything is comfy tbh

DonnerKebab · July 16

River wrote: »

When the trauma is bad and sleeping on a bed doesn’t feel safe anything is comfy tbh

@River it doesn't mean that anything can't be made comfier. Just because the bed isn't an option for you with t, it doesn't mean whatever alternative can't be made comfier for you, you know.

Matthew_04 · July 16

Hey @River
I want to echo @DonnerKebab 's words here. You are definitely not a complete weirdo at all, you're just doing what feels best for you and that is completely okay.

DonnerKebab wrote: »

It would be a very dull world without people being unique. Think of it like that.

How are things going for you right now?

Sian321 · July 17

@River , I just wanted to say thank you for this vulnerable post and for opening up as you have about the different things that you fear make you 'weird' or that you're self-conscious about sometimes. It can take so, so much courage to share these parts of ourselves, especially if we're worried people won't understand.

I also echo @DonnerKebab 's words here, that you're uniqueness (and each of our uniqueness!) is so deeply human and okay.

I wonder if something had happened that perhaps left you feeling like you want to die a few days ago, or that these different preferences and safety needs that you have aren't acceptable?

Just checking in too to ask how safe you're feeling following those strong feelings on Tuesday? We're here for you, and we're listening.

River · July 17

@Sian321 just found out my so called boyfriend is dating someone else 👍🏻 fucking marvellous 😭😭😭

I give up TW// suicide!!

Comments