Anybody want to vent or chat about anything?

DonnerKebab · June 15

@River i know it probably doesn't mean a lot, but I would never ever cut you off and go cold like they did to you in July. Even if the whole platform went cold, just know i wouldn't. I can only promise that for myself, but i'm sure the rest of them on here would as well.

And i hope you know i'll still tag you daily throughout all of july with messages just to remind you you're an amazing person, as i said i would i think maybe 3 weeks ago now, whether you see them or not. Sorry but a promise is a promise

And i know how hard it is to promise you'll look after yourself and be kind to yourself. I just want you to promise that you'll try to, to the best of your ability. And if you ever need to vent, just drop back and vent if you want to.

And thank you for trying to come back every now and then if your able to if you do leave. It's gonna be a much lonelier place here without you here. And I know how hard your daily struggles are River, and you deserve a place to vent about them and feel safe. Please know i'm always here whenever it's too much if you need to vent, regardless of what month it is, or whenever it is.

River · June 15

Thank you friend @DonnerKebab maybe you’ll see me in groups idk it all depends, unless the staff get to deleting my account first I’ll say goodbye in the morning before I go

DonnerKebab · June 15

@Redemption fair enough mate. But you also want to have some social club or something to socialise over and make friends. You don't want to be totally isolated in the long term. Football sounds like they were too rough, but there's all sorts of different things out there for you mate. Just don't discount the social side of it which is just as important as the physical.

DonnerKebab · June 15

River wrote: »

Thank you friend @DonnerKebab maybe you’ll see me in groups idk it all depends, unless the staff get to deleting my account first I’ll say goodbye in the morning before I go

@River I am truly gonna miss you. Are they deleting your account or just putting it on pause for a while?

River · June 15

@DonnerKebab not sure, all I put was “pls delete my account, Idc which option” 🫠 so who knows

DonnerKebab · June 15

River wrote: »

@DonnerKebab not sure, all I put was “pls delete my account, Idc which option” 🫠 so who knows

@River i know it's hard, but i hate to see you cutting yourself off from support here if you ever need it. i think they mentioned an account pause earlier in the support thread. But i really hope you still find a way to have some support. Whether it's in group support chats or something like that. You honestly deserve so much better than this, and i'm sorry i wasn't here in 2023 and you had to deal with all of that alone. Again, please don't feel you have to leave if you don't truly want to.

Redemption · June 15

DonnerKebab wrote: »

@Redemption fair enough mate. But you also want to have some social club or something to socialise over and make friends. You don't want to be totally isolated in the long term. Football sounds like they were too rough, but there's all sorts of different things out there for you mate. Just don't discount the social side of it which is just as important as the physical.

@DonnerKebab yh social can be pretty important but I'm getting it with my course, I was going to say a bit but it's quite a lot. Other ways to socialise and exercise too like even like here, talking to you, other members , mods that's socialising, that's what has helped me, I couldn't have done it without here, it's not in person socialising and it's online but it's not like it's ai or anything it's real people who are amazing like yourself and everyone. It's good to socialise other ways too though like in person.

DonnerKebab · June 15

@Redemption cheers mate. But yeah, the course is good, but temporary i think. It's about the long term too for in person socialising

River · June 15

Thank you @DonnerKebab

you’ll might see my account go to deactivated or whatever idk, night 💕

DonnerKebab · June 15

@River if it does, thank you for everything. For being my first ever friend, for talking to me through lonely nights, and for letting me vent to you, and helping me realise i'm not totally worthless and am half way decent to talk to and for supporting and caring for me. And try your hardest to be kind to yourself. Know that you are loved and cared for on here, are welcomed back whenever you want, that all the trauma you've gone through, none of it was deserved. You deserved 1000 times better, you deserved a loving family, none of the hell you went through and you are so strong for still standing. That you even after all that hell, are still the kindest soul in the world helping so many others with over 4000 posts helping so many on here. And the world let you down. You deserved so much better. And that even when your at your lowest and you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, know that it is there and things can always improve. You are worth all the love and support in the world i swear that on my life. Good luck tomorrow with everything.

Night River, your welcome back to the midnight gang whenever you want, and i still hope you never leave.

Redemption · June 15

DonnerKebab wrote: »

@Redemption cheers mate. But yeah, the course is good, but temporary i think. It's about the long term too for in person socialising

@DonnerKebab yh it is temporary, only got 2 weeks left and in person socialising is important I agree. Hopefully with this organisation I can move forward and that though, doesn't have to be the football to socialise. Money isn't everything but it's definitely important like everyone loves a good pay day, I'll hopefully get into work soon and socialise through that a bit. Tbh football I don't even socialise that much, just play, shake hands and go normally. We all got a picture today which doesn't normally happen, it's like a mental health group and this guy made a speech but yh I kinda see the appeal but also a couple of people went home like I dont think they could be bothered with the the speech or the photo which I understand a bit tbh, a lot just go to play football, that's why I originally joined, I didn't know it was a mental health group until a bit later in.

DonnerKebab · June 16

@Redemption yeah i get it man. Work will replace that for socialising, but try and find something if you can as a stop gap means between football ending and finding work so you have something inbetween if your able to.

DonnerKebab · June 16

If anybody is still on here, i'm here to talk. I think tonight i'm gonna vent about a few things myself

Redemption · June 16

DonnerKebab wrote: »

@Redemption yeah i get it man. Work will replace that for socialising, but try and find something if you can as a stop gap means between football ending and finding work so you have something inbetween if your able to.

@DonnerKebab yh I can do bro. Anyway bro probably going to head to bed and sleep in a minute but talk tomorrow if you want. I think the men's support chat is on too tomorrow at 8 so talk then. Bye and im so sorry how things have been for you. You sleep well mate.

DonnerKebab · June 16

@Redemption cheers mate, you sleep well too and i'll talk tomorrow

Redemption · June 16

DonnerKebab wrote: »

@Redemption cheers mate, you sleep well too and i'll talk tomorrow

Cheers , night mate

River · June 16

@DonnerKebab im here so vent away 💕

Redemption · June 16

@DonnerKebab you can vent to me in the morning, I'm so sorry I can't now, feel selfish like you listen to me but I don't to you, I can listen when I get up if that's not too late. I'm sorry bro

DonnerKebab · June 16

Redemption wrote: »

@DonnerKebab you can vent to me in the morning, I'm so sorry I can't now, feel selfish like you listen to me but I don't to you, I can listen when I get up if that's not too late. I'm sorry bro

all good bro. Tomorrow sounds good, or in the mens chat would be better

DonnerKebab · June 16

River wrote: »

@DonnerKebab im here so vent away 💕

@River sorry i missed you, i went offline for a short while. Still here?

River · June 16

@DonnerKebab yeah waited incase you returned

DonnerKebab · June 16

@River thanks river. I've been thinking a lot about things i have long since tried to keep buried, and i think a lot has effected me more than i've ever let myself let on. And i'm starting to come to terms with a lot of it, which is quite scary for me.

River · June 16

@DonnerKebab that’s understandable, we feel like we are tolerating it all until those times happen where everything comes the the front of the mind, would you like to share some more? I’m here and I’m listening

DonnerKebab · June 16

@River

tw technically classed as human trafficking

So, i may have mentioned i was sold at the age of 4 for a bottle of white lightning which was a sort of cider before worth about £2, but i always pass it off as minor, but it's really not. He got given a bottle to leave the pub with me where he was trying to sell me off for a drink and to stop disturbing everybody, and took me to the next one, but on route, he got pissed on it, and fell on top of me. I was stuck under him for about half an hour to an hour or so until police came and removed me from him.

I was brought back home, wasn't given any therapy or anything, just go about things as per normal. My uncle served time for human trafficking but was transferred to a mental hospital instead and got out very soon after. He bought me a kebab, and i forgave him. I think i was too emotionally numb for anything to register

River · June 16

Omg that’s awful friend I’m so so sorry that you had to go through that human trafficking of any sort is so so wrong and a completely violation no matter what it was for certainly not for a bottle of alcohol. I’m not surprised that you were to emotionally numb, you didn’t deserve any of that at all @DonnerKebab

DonnerKebab · June 16

At primary school, it got worse. Bullied relentlessly, even by the teachers who allowed it. It was a school that in it's past used to be a girls only school, so they sort of ignored a lot of male students even when i went. The headteacher actually got recorded admitting to hating male students, and was forced to resign after a while for that comment. This was back in 2011. But yeah, the school was okay with people bullying me. And it was ruthless.

DonnerKebab · June 16

My dad was a total nob. abusive whilst present physically and emotionally, sometimes he'd batter me a bit to cause an argument with my mum (one time he hit me in front of my gran, so she got up and cracked him one thus the Iron Mary Tyson saying i mentioned a while back). he left when my brother was diagnosed with his mental condition. And it got worse. Me being a silly twat, i always wanted a dad. So when i was in year 6, i asked him to come back for my school play. he did, and the first week went well. Then he started getting abusive and violent again, didn't just hurt me that time, and for that i blame myself even now. He messaged me when i turned 18, not to see how in was but to debate, so i crushed him in a debate. He then started asking how i was like 30 texts in, and i said, i'll only talk if he apoligises for hurting my younger brother and older sister. He said he would happily teach them a lesson again, so, i told him to get fucked, and that i'd kill him if he touched them. He then died in 2023, wriitng us all out his 100K will which was fun.

DonnerKebab · June 16

My brother's mental condition was bad as well. Really bad. Mind of a 6 month old at age 18 currently. He isn't able to speak, because he can't comprehend what words mean. He doesn't understand relationships or family, doesn't even know who i am even now. So growing up, he was very violent. Very aggressive, and had no restraint or control. So he had very violent meltdowns. First against himself, then against others. To many violent meltdowns to explain, and my mum couldn't handle them, so she couldn't do it anymore, so I stepped in at 11, and became a full time carer and bodyguard. Some of the thing I mentioned yesterday are examples of what was a daily occurrence. It was rough. it's only these last few months he's stopped going for others. but it has a toll, watching your brother beat your mom if your too slow at age 11. it was hell.

River · June 16

I’m sorry friend, whilst I relate to some of that it’s so awful for anyone to be in especially you, your such a kind and amazing person you deserve love, care and respect only, not abuse 💕 I’m glad he’s out of your life and your better off without him I promise. Someone once told me to be your own parent, so you be a dad to yourself, treat yourself with kindness like any dad is supposed to @DonnerKebab

DonnerKebab · June 16

@River thank you so much. I love that saying about being a dad to yourself. It means a lot. Thank you. There's a bit more to my life story as well. Sorry, i'm a slow typer and i feel bad venting right now cause your going through a lot as well.

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything?

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