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  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,606 Master Poster
    toffuna101 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    toffuna101 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    gd afternoon everyone howre you all? <3

    im ok you?

    im ok thankyou was feeling sad but im ok now <3

    its good that your mood has improved
    also i got a scam call. i picked it up because i thought it was the carers service :anguished: note to self: dont pick up calls from numbers that you dont recognise.

    i fucking hate spam calls. never answer numbers you don’t know. or no caller ids lol if it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail.
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,514 Boards Guru
    eylah wrote: »
    toffuna101 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    toffuna101 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    gd afternoon everyone howre you all? <3

    im ok you?

    im ok thankyou was feeling sad but im ok now <3

    its good that your mood has improved
    also i got a scam call. i picked it up because i thought it was the carers service :anguished: note to self: dont pick up calls from numbers that you dont recognise.

    i fucking hate spam calls. never answer numbers you don’t know. or no caller ids lol if it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail.

    yeah. i only answer no caller ids if theyre from camhs.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    Rose113 wrote: »
    I’m spiralling

    @Rose113 Hey, here to talk if you want
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    @DonnerKebab thanks but it’s fine I just can’t wait to die :)
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    edited June 7
    @Rose113 I know this might sound out of place, but i know exactly that feeling. That you just want the end to come so you don't have to feel anymore of the pain anymore. For me, I was just to scared to do anything and couldn't leave my mum to deal with my brothers care alone, and clung onto hope for the future.

    But, and i know this sounds out of line me saying this, it can get better. In future, things improve. Bit by bit and slowly. You start to get coping mechanisms, start to relish the small moments in life for joy and happiness, and the hope for the future is what makes you pull through. At least this is what it was with me. I think, right now, your at a rock bottom point, and it's hard to see things getting better, but, i promise, things can improve. Maybe not overnight, but slowly, over time.

    Sending you another virtual hug
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    @DonnerKebab yeah I really am at rock bottom but I can’t fully open up to anyone and professionals are failing me all the time and I just genuinely can’t anymore, I’m not sleeping, I’m barely eating, I’m shutting down I’m just so done
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    @Rose113 If your anything like i was at rock bottom, then i don't think there's really many words i can say that might make you feel better. But i want to make this clear. You are a special person. A kind one. And you deserve non of this. Remember that.
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    Yeah I guess
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    Rose113 wrote: »
    Yeah I guess

    @Rose113 Doesn't mean i'm gonna stop trying though. So, can i ask when you last ate and slept?
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    @DonnerKebab been having 1 hours sleep and just been eating breakfast the past few days except I haven’t eaten today
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,606 Master Poster
    i give up.
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    @Rose113 I had the opposite issue of overeating. I know it's tough, but you have to force yourself to eat just the bare minimum. Even just breakfast today if you can. Anything except pineapple on pizza. And don't worry if you can't. It's a process, not an overnight fix. I wish i could offer more advice on the eating, but i just don't know that much about undereating.

    Have you thought about maybe talking to your GP about sleep? I know you mentioned your GP's were useless buggers, but it might be worth seeking sleeping help from them, as hard as it sounds. And failing that, if they act like they normally do, or if it's too tricky after how things went last time, can I ask do you use your phone just before bed? If you do, try and put on a blue light filter, because it messes with people's natural sleeping patterns. And maybe talk to a pharmacist as well. They tend to be less overworked than GP's and less dismissive of sleep issues, and will advise you if it's worth talking to to a GP, or if they can help you instead..

  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    eylah wrote: »
    i give up.

    @eylah what's happened? I'm here to talk my friend.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,606 Master Poster
    eylah wrote: »
    i give up.

    @eylah what's happened? I'm here to talk my friend.

    appreciate you so so much! im just struggling with dark thoughts rn ones that arent going away. howre you? <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    I can’t @DonnerKebab i really can’t :(

    I’d have to wait till the 16th to see my doctor because that’s with DR’M who is actually nice but I don’t know
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    @Rose113 That's okay. It's a process, not an instant oh yes i can. If it was easy as forcing yourself, it wouldn't be an issue would it. Sorry, stupid advice on my part, i'm useless when it comes to eating advise cause i've not gone through that myself. I tried to put a little disclaimer that i was clueless about eating advice.

    And i'm glad your reaching out for professional help from a doctor, who isn't just a baboon in a doctors outfit. Hopefully they'll be able to help you properly. still proud of you for pushing through all of this and still reaching out.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    @eylah Can i ask more about which dark thoughts your having if you don't mind me asking? And i'm fine thanks.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,606 Master Poster
    edited June 7
    howre you both @Redemption @toffuna101 ? just thought id check in with you <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    Some days I wish the staff would just delete my account and one day I will tbh
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,606 Master Poster
    edited June 7
    @eylah Can i ask more about which dark thoughts your having if you don't mind me asking? And i'm fine thanks.

    @DonnerKebab tw// sh
    sh thoughts but im safe i am not going to act on them

    i just keep reminding myself of when my life went to shits last year and i can’t stop thinking abt the time i had to say gd bye to my mum. i am all over the place. :(


    im glad youre doing fine @DonnerKebab <3 im always here for you like youre here for me <3 i rly appreciate you supporting me it means a lot. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    @Rose113 I hope that day never comes. You deserve all the help and support in the world, and a place to vent, probably more than anybody else. And you've given so many others support on here. It'll be a sad day for the Mix if you ever got your account deleted or left my friend.
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    @DonnerKebab ita probably better if I’m gone from the mix tbh
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,606 Master Poster
    @Rose113 sry for butting in but youre a huge part of the mix and it would be rly sad to see you go bc we all appreciate you here and we don’t want you to go. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    @eylah You deserve all the support in the world. Losing a mum is the worst thing in the world, it's 100% normal to be all over the place from it and broken up. Your doing amazingly given the circumstances, and we are all more proud of you than you can possibly know. There aren't any words that can make the pain of the grief go away, but know we're all here, and all care about you. And thank you for being here for me eylah. It means a lot.
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    No one would even notice if I left the mix least if I leave the mix it would mean when the time is right no one would know
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,514 Boards Guru
    eylah wrote: »
    howre you both @Redemption @toffuna101 ? just thought id check in with you <3

    im ok thanks for asking <3
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    Rose113 wrote: »
    No one would even notice if I left the mix least if I leave the mix it would mean when the time is right no one would know

    I've only been on the mix for 1 month and 3 days, and let me tell you, you are a huge part of it. A giant part of it. There would be a huge @Rose113 sized hole in the mix without you here, and it'll just a little less of a kind place without you. We would all notice, and be sad to see you no longer on here. You and @eylah make up like 90% of the kindness on this platform, and i would be sad to see you leave without getting the sort of kindness you deserve back. Again, it would be noticeable, and everybody would know, because you are a huge part of what makes the Mix a safe supportive place.
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,787 Community Veteran
    I don’t deserve kindness and I’ve never belonged at the mix, I’ve been at the mix nearly 4 years and I’ve never belonged or fit in anywhere on here. The only purpose I’ve ever had is youth voice and doing quiz’s the rest of the time I’m just irrelevant and a waste of space to all and that won’t change.
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    @Rose113 I think sometimes, you don't realise just how big of a positive impact you make, and how much your kindness means to so many others.
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,514 Boards Guru
    Rose113 wrote: »
    No one would even notice if I left the mix least if I leave the mix it would mean when the time is right no one would know

    I've only been on the mix for 1 month and 3 days, and let me tell you, you are a huge part of it. A giant part of it. There would be a huge @Rose113 sized hole in the mix without you here, and it'll just a little less of a kind place without you. We would all notice, and be sad to see you no longer on here. You and @eylah make up like 90% of the kindness on this platform, and i would be sad to see you leave without getting the sort of kindness you deserve back. Again, it would be noticeable, and everybody would know, because you are a huge part of what makes the Mix a safe supportive place.

    and plus this community is quite small compared to other online communities so we would notice if someone left.
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