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TW (ED) Relapse
sxmrxn
Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
Hey I’m F15 and I’ve spent 2 years relapsing and recovering and pretending and I’m just sick of it. I don’t think people understand how it feels to go through an eating disorder. I can’t talk to anyone irl so I’m just hoping someone will understand me. When I was 12 I got called fat and ugly to my face and I was always seen as the joke. So I starved myself and literally stayed up all night doing workouts and for months . My mum found out when I was 13 because she found hidden food in my drawers then I was put into therapy and got diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia. I got discharged once i gained some weight. But it never went- I would still restrict just not in obvious ways- I’d still workout- I just got better at hiding it ig. But now- now I’m so tired. One of my family members have died and it all started from then, the bingeing and the purging.
I started to stop myself from eating but now I don’t even have that so it’s twice as bad now. I hate it when people say I’m pretty and not fat. I just wonder what the hell im not seeing. I’m just so tired of everything. Of pretending. I’ve had some suicidal thoughts and that’s how I know it’s getting bad. I don’t wanna get out of bed or show my face to anyone. At school my best friend ditched me for a popular group and that made it even worse- like I wasn’t good enough- like I wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough. I’m so lazy I’m not even exercising anymore. I’m just getting fat and out of control.
I started to stop myself from eating but now I don’t even have that so it’s twice as bad now. I hate it when people say I’m pretty and not fat. I just wonder what the hell im not seeing. I’m just so tired of everything. Of pretending. I’ve had some suicidal thoughts and that’s how I know it’s getting bad. I don’t wanna get out of bed or show my face to anyone. At school my best friend ditched me for a popular group and that made it even worse- like I wasn’t good enough- like I wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough. I’m so lazy I’m not even exercising anymore. I’m just getting fat and out of control.
Post edited by TheMix on
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Comments
I’m sorry you haven’t received proper support. Are you able to reach out for help again?
I feel like your friend probably didn’t leave you over your appearance, i know that kind of thing doesn’t really matter to me in a friendship. But if they did, that says more about them than it does you.
Also just wanted to say that laziness and lack of exercise aren’t the same thing.
I dont know much at all about eating disorders so I’m sorry if I’ve said the wrong things. Take care