Communicating feelings and Autism

Invisible_me · May 28

Hi.
So how do you communicate how you are feeling to others, I mean people like your managers who are on ground floor or colleagues that need to know but you don't really want thrm to.
I find saying I'm not okay or I'm struggling hard to vocalise or often by the time I've vocalised it's too late. I just say I'm okay as natural, almost without thinking.

I'm scared to go to work tomorrow nit been for 3 weeks ( 3 shifts)! I'm on reduced hours tomorrow after I've had to email them today saying I'm supposed to be on reduced hours tomorrow, after my meeting.
One of the strategies is I go out at regular intervals to calm down but I need a way if communicating to the shift manager I'm going out to have me time and I'm okay/not okay. And have no clue how to communicate this, when verbally is a challenge.

its ridiculous!,neither my manager or the new service manager got in touch with me! Someone was supposed to contact me before i start back tomorrow to check in and go through the next steps set oyt from my meeting with previous service manager and then there supposed to contact me on Friday, so day after to check how shift was so I'm not carryingit forward all week.. All the new service manager replied wax she was she was supposed to contact me earlier. My manager is in tomorrow so i can check in with him and to leave whatever time i need to. That's not precise enough!!
Ref to work meeting in work and study thread

I used to use red green card at school but that's to babyish to use at work!
How do you say to people how you are?

DonnerKebab · May 28

I know it sounds odd, but i've always found it easier to communicate via email, because i have time to prepare, to change stuff, to work out what i'm saying, read it again, change stuff that sounds wrong and then email it, rather than on the spot anxiety ridden talks in person. I emailed my college lecturer back when i was in college, explaining my care role, explained there might be times i needed to leave, and sorted it all out via email, because i was useless in person at communicating. We were able to sort out stuff, and get across that yeah, i might have to leave the class at random points, and he wouldn't question or put me on the spot. Is your shift manager okay with not being notified, or does he have to be each time?

If your shift manager does need to be notified of it though, then there are other ways. You might be able to set up a system with him where you give him a hand signal to let him know your heading out for a moment. Are you alright with a hand signal?

Invisible_me · May 29

DonnerKebab wrote: »

I know it sounds odd, but i've always found it easier to communicate via email, because i have time to prepare, to change stuff, to work out what i'm saying, read it again, change stuff that sounds wrong and then email it, rather than on the spot anxiety ridden talks in person. I emailed my college lecturer back when i was in college, explaining my care role, explained there might be times i needed to leave, and sorted it all out via email, because i was useless in person at communicating. We were able to sort out stuff, and get across that yeah, i might have to leave the class at random points, and he wouldn't question or put me on the spot. Is your shift manager okay with not being notified, or does he have to be each time?

If your shift manager does need to be notified of it though, then there are other ways. You might be able to set up a system with him where you give him a hand signal to let him know your heading out for a moment. Are you alright with a hand signal?

Same I find email an easier way to communicate. Gives you that time to think but then always find myself constantly checking if they've replied etc.. and get paranoid if they don't or take too long. I also then iverthonk about what I've wrote, read it over again and again.
It's on the spot- direct in time communication.
No the shift manager needs to be notified each time I'm going out and if I'm okay/ not okay? More because of the role we do they need to ensure they've got adequate numbers on floor and people in action.

shannon_164 · May 31

hey @Invisible_me 🙂

i know it’s been a few days since you posted this thread about feeling scared to go to work the next day - i’m wondering how it went?

i’m proud of you for going, especially when things are feeling so challenging

Invisible_me · June 1

Hey @shannon_164
Thanks for checking in. Ut was okayish but ice written the update on my other thread under wirk and study.
Manager checked in kinda during shift, was on non delivery for whole shift but there wasn't demand anyway. He phoned me Friday to check in hoe shift was. He was olay he said he recognised my change in body language but we were mostly taljing aniyt I need to find a way if communicating to them.

Today haf a bad volunteering shift so I feel rubbish like waste of space and just takr too much of people's time. At the end of day providing regular check in/breaks then phoning me next sayv to see how shift was is a lot of effort for a staff member who worke 1 day a week on a casual basis.

shannon_164 · June 1

i really appreciate you sharing how things are going @Invisible_me - thank you! it sounds like you’re juggling a lot emotionally and mentally right now, and i’m really sorry the volunteering shift left you feeling so low. you’re not a waste of space, and needing support doesn’t make you a burden, it just means you’re human.

the fact that your manager is checking in, even calling the next day, shows that they genuinely care. i know it might feel like “too much effort” for someone working casually, but maybe it’s not about the hours worked, it’s about you being worth that care and attention, and i promise you are!

it’s ok to still be figuring out how to communicate with them. that’s not easy, especially when you’re already feeling vulnerable. i’m here for you, and i’m proud of you for even showing up and trying, even when things are hard.

do you want to talk more about what happened at volunteering? no pressure, but we’re all here if you want to!

Invisible_me · June 1

Thank you @shannon_164 . I jist want to cry today! It's all getting to me.. if I don't have a good shift it just plays on my mins.
I just feel bad for needing that much support and like I don't deserve it and it's like nothing seems to be getting any better, I'm always like this!
My manager phoned me the next day because when I spoke to the manager (his manager) she advised that a check in after shift the next day would help therefore he phoned me the next day. So he probabaly felt like he had to! But he wasokay i guess when he phoned me. Like if I qas full time and they did that it makes sense why waste time on such a part timer.
I'm 25 yrs old and I still don't know how to communicate that's bad!
Volunterring- just had bad meltdown. Took ages to settle. Supervsor on sift said things and think I've taken it literally and it's playing in my head- she took the fidget off Me then gave it bam to me. Then took it bavk of me and said I've not given it to you forever. It's a fidget that's in the calm box in room for everyone too use and I've used it every shift for the whole duration for like the past year and she knows. Am I allowed to use the fidget again?
Also feel so embarrased! I ended up interrupting other volunteers because of my meltdoen/ not knowing whe to speak 😒. I fidnt mean to I'm sorry!!

Communicating feelings and Autism

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