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Feeling like everyone is judging me
Redemption
Posts: 4,028 Community Veteran
I’ve been struggling with constant worry about what people think of me, especially the fear that they might say negative things behind my back. While I understand that strangers’ opinions don’t really affect my life, especially if I’ll never see them again, it’s much harder when it comes to people I’m close to, like friends. I sometimes worry they might see me as someone who won’t get anywhere in life, and that thought sticks with me. Even though I know that if someone does think or say something negative, it doesn’t mean it’s true or that it defines who I am, the idea of people talking critically about me when I’m not around still makes me feel judged and anxious. I find it difficult to just switch off those thoughts and stop worrying about what others think — I guess being pretty self-aware makes it even harder.
I also worry that I might come across as if I have a problem, like I’m dumb, useless, or a burden to others. These thoughts make me constantly second-guess myself wondering if my body language is right, if I’m speaking clearly, or if my posture looks okay. I know people’s opinions can influence important situations, like job interviews or placements, which only makes me more self-conscious. Sometimes I wonder if those in these roles have privately criticised or doubted me. In the past, I’ve seen people speak negatively about me, and I’ve done the same to others, but as I’ve matured, I try to avoid that now and only react negatively if someone’s actions affect me directly. Even with these efforts, I still feel judged by those around me, and that feeling is really heavy to carry.
I also worry that I might come across as if I have a problem, like I’m dumb, useless, or a burden to others. These thoughts make me constantly second-guess myself wondering if my body language is right, if I’m speaking clearly, or if my posture looks okay. I know people’s opinions can influence important situations, like job interviews or placements, which only makes me more self-conscious. Sometimes I wonder if those in these roles have privately criticised or doubted me. In the past, I’ve seen people speak negatively about me, and I’ve done the same to others, but as I’ve matured, I try to avoid that now and only react negatively if someone’s actions affect me directly. Even with these efforts, I still feel judged by those around me, and that feeling is really heavy to carry.
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Comments
Feelings of uselessness and being a burden are tough too. You’re a living, breathing human being, though. It’s okay to be imperfect, or struggling. Imperfection is what makes us authentic, beautiful.
Cheers
You mentioned that you've been dealing with pretty constant worries lately about what other people think of you, specifically fearing that others might say negative things like judgements or criticisms behind your back. And this can create a lot of anxiety and rumination for you, as well as painful feelings of being a burden, or coming across as dumb or useless. That sounds really hard, Redemption, and those are very difficult thoughts to hold towards yourself. I can hear just how self-conscious these worries have been leaving you, as though you need to remain on high-alert when it comes to filtering your body posture and your language. I can imagine that feeling like a lot of extra mental-energy and work day-to-day.
Can I ask if you notice any triggers specifically for these worries, or perhaps it is more a general feeling? I wonder whether there are days / times where the worries feel worse, or better?
The fear of judgement can be extreamly tough because we're social creatures and its valid for us to worry about how we're percieved by others. I wonder if there are any spaces or relationships within which you feel this fear of judgement less? What are the activities / the people who help to build you up or feel encouraged?
You're doing really well to talk about this, @Redemption , and thank you for starting this conversation!
@Sian321 Thank you so much for the support it really helps. I’ve noticed my worries about what people think usually get worse when I’m around judgmental people, in new situations, or when I’m scrolling through social media and comparing myself to others. These thoughts are harder on days when I’ve had a setback, like not getting a job, but they ease a bit when I’m with someone I trust, like my best friend who’s really supportive. I feel less judged when I’m doing things I enjoy, like driving or reading about cars, and talking about it here makes a big difference too.