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Feel embarrased, yet I'm the one making a fool of myself.

Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 352 Listening Ear
in Health & Wellbeing
Title says it, I feel embarrased of myself yet it's me making a fool of myself and embarrassing myself.
- I'll say things bluntly, no filter yet feel embarrased for being rude/saying it! .
- I'll feel embarrased of myself yet I'm the one rocking around, sleeping on the desk, pacing up and down dur so of course then people notice me more.
- I'll feel exposed and yet I'm the obe who will theb share too much info, eg saying at volubteering aloud i cant cope with this Ie: sending my support needs profile to my manager.

Is my autism just an excuse maybe its made up, that'd why I was diagnosed so late.

Comments

  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 1,197 Wise Owl
    @Invisible_me , thank you for making this post. It can take a lot of courage to speak about moments we feel really embarrased for, and you're doing really well to talk about this.

    I hear you really doubting yourself, and questioning whether or not your autism is valid. That sounds extreamly difficult and vulnerable, and it sounds really tough to feel exposed like this or as though you've behaved like a 'fool'. Your autism is so valid. Your diagnosis is so valid, no matter what time in your life you've received it. And your support needs are valid too and deserve to be taken seriously.

    I wonder whether something might have happened yesterday that brought up these feelings of shame and embarrasement for you?

    We're here with you to listen without judgement @Invisible_me , and you deserve so much compassion around this.
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 352 Listening Ear
    Sian321 wrote: »
    @Invisible_me , thank you for making this post. It can take a lot of courage to speak about moments we feel really embarrased for, and you're doing really well to talk about this.

    I hear you really doubting yourself, and questioning whether or not your autism is valid. That sounds extreamly difficult and vulnerable, and it sounds really tough to feel exposed like this or as though you've behaved like a 'fool'. Your autism is so valid. Your diagnosis is so valid, no matter what time in your life you've received it. And your support needs are valid too and deserve to be taken seriously.

    I wonder whether something might have happened yesterday that brought up these feelings of shame and embarrasement for you?

    We're here with you to listen without judgement @Invisible_me , and you deserve so much compassion around this.

    Thanks for reply @Sian321. I guess that it shouldn't matter if it was late but people don't take my autism seriously, I feel. Thi is we're playing in my head since my meeting with work manager in thurs (thread titled probation review under work and study). But also like volunteering.

    - said stuff bluntly just came out at volunteering on sat like I'll jyst say "don't like it" "forgot you existed (a supervisor not seem for over a yr was on shift) etc and then my supervisor just laughed and then I wax like sorry it came out my mouth in the bad way. Then another volunteer said are you of those who have no filter andci was likr yep. Didnt mind to micb about theur reaction because they know me and I knoe them and they knle I mean no harm but its just realisation I shouldn't say stuff likr that.
    - I sent my support need doc to manager at work who hadn't read it yet "not part of his job description and likedoesn'twant to be a snoope" but you knle whrn you feel exposed now.
    - I'll be rocking, pacing etc at work/ volunteering feel conscious of other people seeing me do this well I maybe if I sat doem like everyone else then they wont notice.
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