If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Rant about my intrusive thoughts
Amy22
Posts: 5,130 Part of The Furniture
So I thought maybe venting about my intrusive thoughts and self destructive behaviour may help a bit, overall will it help me fully? I don't know. But lately I find my intrusive thoughts haven't been helping me at all especially to do with my self destructive behaviour. For example, I will tend to do things that will make me work 10x as harder eventhough I shoulden't do them. Like for instance recently my brain has been wanting me to press the refresh and power off button on my chromebook which turns the laptop off completely and back on again. Today I did this twice and I feel annoyed with myself. I have spoken to my mum about this recently and she said to be careful in case I lose stuff on there. I just hate myself that I do self destructive things all the time, I don't want to do them but I do sometimes and it hurts. I may have done this yesterday. I got so many silly habits recently and maybe thats because of a lack of routine and also the fact that lately I am not in employment so by not being busy my brain I guess rumminates and wants to do things. I don't know.
Just a person who likes pop culture and films
5
Comments
Thank you so much for trusting us in opening up about this, and I hear you too wanting to take a risk maybe with seeing how 'venting' makes you feel. What was it like to post this message? How did it feel to put these feelings into words here?
You mentioned that recently you've been feeling pressured by intrusive thoughts in your brain to do actions that might create problems for you, like turning your laptop on and off. I noticed you said that you hate yourself for this, and that sounds extreamly hard, Amy - on the one hand feeling as though you must act on these thoughts, and at the same time, really wishing that you didn't. I can imagine that feeling like a battle sometimes, and that sounds tiring. Again, you're doing really well to talk about this.
You mentioned that sometimes you will do self-destrcuive behaviours and it hurts too. That sounds painful, Amy, and I just wanted to check how you're feeling in your body right now. Do you need any medical attention?
It's okay not to have the answers right now or to know where this rumination is coming from. I hear you saying that its been hard recently to have a lack of structure or to be unemployed, and you wonder if the lack of routine means your brain feels the urge to do things. That is valid, Amy, and we're here to explore this with you.
Can I ask, how does it feel to talk with your mum about this? And when the intrusive thoughts or impulses do arise, how does this make you feel emotionally?
What is your sense of what you might need going forwards to support yourself with this?
With lots of care,
Sian