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wanting to give up
Lottie5433
Posts: 636 Incredible Poster
I've had this feeling for a while of wanting to give up with everything, but now its like the only feeling i have.
Idk what to do.
TW: mention of ED/SH/SI
I don't deserve support.
I don't need it - mental health team have discharged me now. Clearly fixed
I'm just a burden
What is the actual point anymore 😕
I'm exhausted trying to fight for myself anymore
I wish no one ever found out about anything.
I'm just a time waster and a revolving door patient.
People have better things to do than help me
I'm all better now - I've convinced everyone around me i am, just need to believe it myself; shut out, and numb out all this pain. Hide it away and be NORMAL - how hard can this be?
After this week, I'm done with trying to get help and engaging with the "help"; i don't want to see the ED health nurse anymore (maybe i can ignore her emails and calls?), don't need to talk to my old therapist anymore for wellbeing checks I'm Fine !, going to give up taking my medication and stop engaging with my Kooth worker.
i guess this is what my future will be 😔
Idk what to do.
TW: mention of ED/SH/SI
I've relapsed with my Self-harm again.
suicidal thoughts are ravenous
Eating Disorder is at full force again
suicidal thoughts are ravenous
Eating Disorder is at full force again
I don't deserve support.
I don't need it - mental health team have discharged me now. Clearly fixed
I'm just a burden
What is the actual point anymore 😕
I'm exhausted trying to fight for myself anymore
I wish no one ever found out about anything.
I'm just a time waster and a revolving door patient.
People have better things to do than help me
I'm all better now - I've convinced everyone around me i am, just need to believe it myself; shut out, and numb out all this pain. Hide it away and be NORMAL - how hard can this be?
After this week, I'm done with trying to get help and engaging with the "help"; i don't want to see the ED health nurse anymore (maybe i can ignore her emails and calls?), don't need to talk to my old therapist anymore for wellbeing checks I'm Fine !, going to give up taking my medication and stop engaging with my Kooth worker.
i guess this is what my future will be 😔
4
Comments
just wanted to put these here just in case your needing a little bit of extra support today.
places you can turn to if your needing extra support
samaritans 116123
111 option 2 mental health support
111 for general health
999 if your in immediate danger
Hey, Lottie. A few days late to this, so I hope you’re feeling a bit better today. ☺️ Firstly, you do absolutely deserve support. As Eylah said above, there’s probably not much I can say that can assist you, but I want you to know that we’re all here for you and will always try to understand you, accept you, support you, and give you the love we all know you deserve wholeheartedly. We all care for you. Your future isn’t destined for pain. Your future could be truly lovely and it would be an injustice to yourself to not keep going. I hope you’re okay.
i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, i can only imagine how difficult it must feel for you right now.
firstly, i just want to say that relapsing is ok -
it doesn’t mean you have failed or anything! it is apart of your journey, and it’s ok if you have relapsed. i really hope you’re ok. in terms of suicidal thoughts though, are you feeling safe? we all care about you! in case you need, i’ve added some helplines here too - please remember you’re SO deserving of support, even if you don’t necessarily think that.
call 116123
(available 24/7)
shout:
text 85258
(available 24/7)
kelly’s heroes:
webchat on website https://kellysheroes.org.uk/ (available 6pm-10pm)
silence of suicide:
call 08081151505
(available 8pm-midnight)
suicide prevention uk:
call 08005870800
(available 6pm-midnight)
calm:
call 0800 585858 or whatsapp 02045876634
(available 5pm-midnight)
knus:
whatsapp 07700165687
(available 24/7)
beat:
webchat available on website https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
call 08088010677
(available 3pm-8pm)
i know it might not change how you feel right now, but you do deserve support, and you’re not a burden, ever. struggling doesn’t mean you’re wasting anyone’s time, it just means that you’re human.
the fact that the mental health team discharged you doesn’t mean you’re ‘fixed’ or that you don’t need help, it just means the system isn’t perfect, which i’m sure you’re very much aware of - i’ve been in the same place, being discharged by cmht but still very much so needing support. i promise you still deserve support, and you don’t have to go through this alone - im always a message away if you ever need to talk!
i know shutting it all out might feel like the easiest option, but you don’t have to carry this weight by yourself. even if it doesn’t feel like it, there are people who genuinely care about you and want to help - we all care about you.
if ignoring calls and stopping medication is your way of coping, i get it, but i also hope you give yourself a chance to keep going, and in terms of the stopping medication, maybe seeking some advice from professionals around it so you aren’t doing yourself any harm? i really do understand what you’re feeling right now around medication, i have been thinking the same way recently.
please don’t give up on yourself - you matter so much more than your struggles are making you believe right now - you bring so much to this world, i know how much of an amazing person you are from boards and chats! you’ve got this, we all believe in you @Lottie5433
Tbh not feeling any better really - but im just trying to numb everything out and get by.
Thank you appreciate this whole community it makes me feel better alot of the time ❤️
I get relapsing is okay and apart of the journey, I just feel so guilty and ashamed for doing it - now i have to hide it from all those around me. I can't have anyone know ive done it again. At the moment im feeling kinda safe - spoke to SHOUT and samaritains.
It just feels like im fixed coz both the ED team and CMHT have discharged me now.
Thank you i appreciate you - i just never want to burden others with my issues.
Awh thank you, I get there are people who 'care' about me but i seem to get more from people on here than in my actual life.
I'm due to see my GP about my medication again in a couple weeks but last time I mentioned the meds they didn't do anything. I dont think stopping then will do any harm anyway- but I get i should talk tk a professional about it.
Thank you again 💓
never worry about how long it takes you to reply - i know life can be busy and overwhelming and sometimes replying can feel hard and that is totally ok!
i hear how heavy that guilt and shame can feel, but please don’t be too hard on yourself - you deserve so much kindness! recovery isn’t a straight line, and slipping up doesn’t erase all the progress you’ve made - you’re still fighting, still here, and that matters. i’m really glad you reached out to shout and samaritans - that’s a huge step in itself as it can be super hard to do that, i am so so proud of you for that!
i hear you on feeling like you get more support online than in real life. that can be so isolating, but i hope you know you deserve real-life support too. even if the ed team and cmht have discharged you, that doesn’t mean you’re “fixed” or that you don’t still need care - it’s just unfortunate the uk has an awful mental health system, which is super unfair on people like you who is genuinely struggling and so deserving of support. seeing your gp sounds like a good move, even if last time wasn’t helpful, i hope they take you seriously this time and you get the support you need and are so so deserving of!
for what it’s worth, you are never ever a burden here, i mean that for sure. you don’t have to go through this alone, and im always here if you need to talk