I need help

user123 · February 12

Basically I went for coffee with a guy from an app before I met my boyfriend. I didn’t bring this up because it didn’t feel like a big deal and was so insignificant. I then started to feel guilty so I told him that I met someone for coffee. He then asked if I got anything out of using that particular app and I said I met that guy on it. He said he asked me before if I met anyone on the app and I said no. And he said he had the impression I never met anyone else and he was my first ever date. I said I felt like he was my first ever date because the coffee felt so unimportant and when he asked me I would likely have been referring to the time after we spoke. We stopped speaking for a while and reconnected. But regardless I feel bad I said no. I don’t remember this. But the facts are that the coffee was not important and before we met. I didn’t even think the coffee was a date as it felt just friendly and I’ve told him this. We both seem to have understood each other but I feel really guilty and can’t get rid of this feeling. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk about it again with him

stardust444 · February 16

@user123 I don’t think you’ve done nothing wrong at all as this was all before you met your bf! I wouldn’t worry about it, I understand the guilty feeling but you shouldn’t feel like you’ve done something wrong

I think it’s good that you’ve both understood each other and hopefully you won’t need to talk about it again?

Sian321 · February 16

Hey @user123 , thank you for your message here. This sounds like an anxiety-inducing situation for you, and I hear just how heavy the guilt has been weighing on you

That's a lot to be coping with on your own.

May I ask, how have things been feeling with your boyfriend day-to-day since? How do you tend to feel when you're with him, and then when you're apart?

I agree with @stardust444 that it feels to me that you have not done anything wrong here, though I hear its playing on your conscience. You had every right to go on that coffee date before you met your boyfriend, and also, you are allowed to have control over what you do or do not wish to say.

What do you feel this lingering guilt is about for you? Is that guilt could speak, what do you think it might 'say'? I wonder if there is something specific you're afraid might happen, or maybe more a general feeling?

We're here to listen without judgement, and I hope you can offer yourself some grace and compassion here

How have you been taking care of yourself at this time?

I need help

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