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(TW - Self-Harm) Flow Neuroscience headset

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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    I have just got home
    Meant to be at work tomorrow but I’ll probably call in sick so ill give my skin graft more time to attach it self with the healthy skin as said 24/48 hours on more rest than walking so not much friction to the thigh when walking
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited January 25
    I called in sick today cause I am in pain as well as very irritable and moody probably from pain which isn’t shifting atm so I apologise if my message have been a bit hostile
    I will probably go back to work tomorrow and just take all the max pills I can for pain,
    I’m just super scared of the skin graft failing and the more I walk the more there is friction on my thigh which could unattach the healthy skin.

    And obviously cause it’s self harm i really don’t want them to think I would purposely do that after their work trying to make it heal. I want it to heal so I am hoping it won’t fail and if it does I hope they know it wouldn’t be because of me. I see them again soon I can’t even remember what day but they wrote it down for me I think Thursday. I just want to walk freely without pain and over heating from pain and on both feet. And the efforts I have to go through to have a shower without getting it wet is crazy. They make it out like it’s so easy just kick your leg out while showering. Um what about the water spraying and the water that inevitably falling down my body
    Post edited by Sian321 on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • amy02amy02 Inactive Posts: 405 Listening Ear
    Gosh sending big hugs @Siena <3 I can so understand how the pain must be affecting you. I hope today has been a little better for you and that it heals well <3
  • amy02amy02 Inactive Posts: 405 Listening Ear
    Gosh sending you so much love @Siena I can really hear how much you're struggling with at the moment <3 Remember we are always here and you absolutely do deserve to be heard and supported. I hope you've been feeling a little better today and are able to take some time for yourself and to rest
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited January 29
    Tw
    I’m really scared. I change my dressing cause it was leaking a bit which is expected and the surgery wasn’t on the whole wound so a bit still healing naturally so said I can change myself if leaks and I had a look and I think the surgery has failed. It didn’t look like that on Friday and so I fear the surgery has failed. and I’m so I am really sad and I just want it healed and I don’t want them to think I’ve done that myself
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 515 Incredible Poster
    Hi @Siena , ah that sounds so painful, and I can hear you're really upset because you just want to heal and you don't want anyone to think you have hurt yourself.

    Can we ask what kind of medical support you're getting post-surgery? E.g. are you still regularly being check on by your nurses?

    If you do require medical assistance for your wound, we would encourage you to contact NHS 111 who may be able to help you decide what help you need, whether from your GP or the hospital.

    Did the nurses give you a sense of how long the healing process might be?

    It really does feel like you've been through so much this past month Siena, and I recognise that medical procedures can feel scary and overwhelming sometimes.

    Sending hugs,
    <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited January 31
    Thank you

    So I had my wound change today in Nottingham and on train home

    I was saying how it still hurts and that I feel I can’t walk as probably as before or fast and said some of it will still hurt but it might also because of....

    TW - SH
    scar tissue cause of my previous injury / self harm there before. so it can feel harder to walk with the tissue tightening and so I asked if that’s permanent

    she just went round the houses with it saying I’ll need to see occupational therapist so basically could be permanent? Otherwise would of said no then explained?
    But I’m guessing if I take care of it like make sure doesn’t get tight and massage it, it won’t get too tight. But I hate touching it. It feels gross and sensitive 😭🤢

    Some of it has failed but it’s not massively failed and could of been due to underlying infection
    Post edited by Sian321 on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    I get my first car tomorrow and insurance starts tomorrow so I’d suggest everyone to stay of the roads. I’m so excited but feel illegal lol. I need to go into an empty car park and practice my parking cause I can’t actually reverse or forward park. I can only parallel park lol and that the one I got in my test ahh
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 5
    Can’t sleep cause I’m so itchy (it’s a good sign means healing) but sometimes i don’t know what I hate more being super itchy with no relief or the pain of it. I have to wake up at 5:30

    But I do have good news. I can walk properly now! Soo it was probably still from the pain of it still trying to heal with the surgery. Obviously I still need to be careful the skin doesn’t tighten up as it does feel slightly tight walking but I’m just happy I’m not walking oddly
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 6
    It’s all nearly healed now. The surgery has done it good. And would of taken months to heal without it so I’m glad I agreed. But the slight bits it has failed a little- still needs dressing changes and it’s annoying cause my gp insists they change it too but they are not even specialise in the injury to even know what to put on it and I tell Nottingham and they say my gp don’t need to do it cause they do and my bandages can be kept on for a week but they still see me. I cancel the appointments but they make knew ones and say they wanna see me and Nottingham have given me stuff to tell my gp to put on it if they’re that insistent at seeing. The doctor also wanted a chat with me after the nurse which was fine but wants to refer me to crisis team but I don’t feel that much in crisis. TW - SH
    I know I hurt myself severely but I feel a bit more stable now.
    But it does feel nice that they genuinely seem to want to help themselves and want to seem me in person to see how I am maybe and using the dressing change just to quickly chat to me. I don’t know that’s what it seems like ah

    TW - Domestic violence
    They have also referred me to safe guarding team cause of my mum hits me when I touch one of her stuff.- she has ocd. And they want me to get involved with domestic violence charity I think it is. But I ain’t using that. It’s my 60 something year old mum hitting.


    edit -just realised with your safe guarding stuff recently that’s probably not something I should say -feel like it goes without saying but have been ringing the police for when shouldn’t recently so just incase not obvious lol please don’t be ringing the police over that. The right people who need to know, know. So don’t waste their time please
    Post edited by TheMix on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 6
    What annoys me more than it should is how much inaccurate doctors write their notes. It seems at the time they are listening and understanding by they write completely different.
    I explained clearly what this headset does and how I just put it on my head and vibrations go through and kinda burns and some nhs are testing it. Guess what She’s writes “has headphones that give of relaxing music” what the flip is that about lolll. The amount of shit I’ve read that is literally not what I said is absolutely crazy. How does that even happen like how was she listening to me and still wrote this

    Crazy sometimes

    60qyew6o0omt.jpeg


    Kinda funny cause the dressing they put on it today is falling off already but I’m seeing Nottingham tomorrow anyway
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,602 Boards Guru
    Omg @Siena that note is awful, I’m so sorry they’re so incompetent. My CAMHS reports were similar. It’s so mad that it’s funny sometimes but not when that’s supposed to be your source of support.

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah she also wrote a place where my mum hits me and I never said it was there. I won’t say the place as maybe triggering but yeah when it’s details like that, that are completely in accurate is like crazy
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    TW self harm

    Nottingham hospital have discharged me yyayy. No more travelling and they said now the gp can do the dressing changes until it’s fully healed and I’m on waiting list for occupational therapy for scar/ plastic surgery management- cause it’s not healed so can’t see them yet. I’m happy about no more travelling to there just yet until healed and see occupational team
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • DurhamjaideDurhamjaide Posts: 1,259 Wise Owl
    Hi @Siena I haven't heard about the headset yet but I'm glad surgery went well and you past your driving test congratulations.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 22
    Collected all the coins from my parents abandoned hoarder house and got £117 this isn’t including one pound coins cause they wouldn’t go through the machine as they was too old coins - the very round ones

    No one try to collect it with the barcode lol I’ve already got the money.
    v1xayjo25pwx.jpeg

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 515 Incredible Poster
    @Siena , wow! How do you feel about getting that money through? I can imagine that might have taken such a long time to collect all of those pennies! <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    edited February 23
    Yeah it was a lot of work and very heavy to carry from my car to the shop. I still had loads of moldy pennies left
    lbi25h24f9rg.jpeg

    Do you want to see what I’ve done with my childhood neglected hoarder house so far. (My parents abandoned house and sadly how I lived for 16 years
    It has taken me a year to get this far but I’ve done it all by myself and this is just a bit of the house. It’sa 3 bed house that you could barely see the floor anywhere
    I am painting everything white atm

    3imk0esq88j3.jpeg
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    yju8u5vicwtx.jpeg
    hc6kl9zbpzpo.jpeg
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Orchid059Orchid059 Moderator Posts: 379 Listening Ear
    Wow what an improvement! You are doing so well in managing this as I am aware it is not easy to sort through all this stuff. <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    Went for a check up at gp for my self harm
    Said it looks healed and stuff but before she looked I was like i don’t know if it’s okay cause I haven’t been looking after it properly tbh cause I feel like doing it again so she got the gp and refer me to crisis team who will ring me in 4 hours
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 1,015 Wise Owl
    hey @Siena 🙂

    i’m really glad that you were able to go to the gp and were honest about how you’re feeling - i know how hard that can be and that it takes a lot of strength - im really proud of you for that!

    how did it go with the crisis team? if you’re comfy sharing of course! i hope that it went as best as it can for you - you are so so deserving of support.

    you’re doing amazing, even if it doesn’t necessarily feel that way right now - you’ve got this, i believe in you <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,758 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you. I am leaving this place now but thank you
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 1,015 Wise Owl
    @Siena wishing you the absolute best for the future, i’m sure you’ll get exactly where you want to in life as you’re such a strong and determined person - you’ll be missed here <3
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