Can you gaslight yourself into feeling better?

bignosegirly0 · January 28

I’m getting fucking desperate at this point and thinking that maybe being delulu is the answer.

Let’s say I’m feeling insecure about people hurting me, if I just keep telling myself “I’m happy and don’t care”, would it eventually work?

Or if I’m feeling suicidal, if I keep saying “I don’t want to kill my self.” Will it work?

I just want to be in control of how I feel

Faolan · January 29

This is actually a good question lol . I don’t really know the answer but I kinda like the idea of it working.

I know some people repeat positive affirmations , which is essentially the same thing . I just did a google there to see if they work and here’s the answer -

According to research, yes, positive affirmations can work, particularly when used consistently and when they align with your existing beliefs, as they can help to improve self-esteem, reduce stress, and potentially influence behavior by creating new neural pathways in the brain; however, their effectiveness can vary depending on individual factors like self-esteem levels and the specific affirmation used.
Key points about positive affirmations:
Neuroplasticity:
Repeating positive statements can potentially rewire the brain by strengthening neural pathways associated with positive thoughts and beliefs.
Self-esteem impact:
Studies suggest that affirmations can be particularly beneficial for people with high self-esteem, while those with low self-esteem may experience negative effects from using affirmations that contradict their self-perception.
Important factors:
To be effective, affirmations should be stated in the present tense, be specific to your goals, and be believable to you.

That said, I think there’s a fine line here between trying to heal and suppressing how you really feel. If you’re feeling insecure when people hurt you, those feelings are more than valid and it’s okay for you to talk about that rather than lying to yourself .

Maybe worth try the positive affirmation thing instead of dismissing your own feelings , there’s loads online, even some based around bullying in the workplace

For example

Instead of “ I’m happy and don’t care”

Try

“I am worthy of respect, I am valuable to my workplace and I am entitled to be here”

Or something like that anyway 😅

sinead276 · January 29

i completely agree with the post above. it's also like the usual saying of 'fake it till you make it' and all that. i think that in some regard if we try and be positive and have that mindset, our mood can change. like i do believe positive affirmations can work sometimes. but like the reply above says, its a fine line between getting ourselves to believe in ourselves, and supressing our true feelings to make way for these 'fake' ones if that makes sense.

but i think when done right there is no harm in a little positive affirmation and telling yourself that things will get better and you can do it.

we are here for you as always

independent_ · January 29

I came here to say exactly what the others have said. I think it's a key part of therapies like CBT too, they're based around the fact that how we think directly influences how we feel and behave.

For me though, it very much depends how far I am into that cycle of depression and negative thoughts. If I'm too far into that hole (which I have been many, many times) it will never work. The negativity in my brain just takes over. However if I'm finding myself slipping back into that place, sometimes I can recognise it and try to change that thought pattern, which when paired with a good routine has helped me in the past.

Sian321 · January 30

Hey @bignosegirly0 , thank you for this post and can see some great responses above too exploring this!

I wanted to pop a signpost here below as I noticed CBT has been spoken about, which is a mode of therapy which often uses thought 'reframes'.

You can find more about self-led CBT here, but again, may wish to speak to your GP about whether this would feel supportive for you at this time as this will be different for everybody. Other modes of therapy (e.g. psychodynamic therapy, person-centred therapy) will take a different approach:

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) has been proven to help mental health problems. The website www.getselfhelp.co.uk offers CBT self-help information, resources, therapy worksheets and free downloads of worksheets & handouts. It is run by Carol Vivyan, a mental health nurse who has developed the site and collected the resources independently over the years since 2000.

Another CBT resource specifically for neurodivergent individuals -

There is an app called Molehill Mountain which helps autistic people to understand and self-manage anxiety. The app was designed by a leading autism charity called Autistica and it helps you to track your worries and the situations that trigger anxiety for you as well as tips on how you can understand your anxiety better. The app is available on the Apple App Store and Google Play. The direct links to the app can be found on https://www.autistica.org.uk/molehill-mountain

If you are feeling suicidal, the following places are also here for you:

The Mix's Crisis Messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing a personal crisis, are unable to cope and need support, you can text THEMIX to 85258. Their trained volunteer will introduce themselves, reflect on what you’ve said, and invite you to share at your own pace. You’ll text back and forth, only sharing what you feel comfortable with. They can deal issues such as Suicidal thoughts, abuse or assault, self-harm, bullying, relationship breakdown. You can find out more about it at https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger

Papyrus is a confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide. The helpline number is 0800 068 4141. You can also text them on 077862 09697, email pat@papyrus-uk.org or go to www.papyrus-uk.org The helpline is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, including Bank Holidays.

There's a free mobile app called distrACT, it's available on the App Store (Apple) and Google Play (Android). The app gives you easy, quick, and discreet access to information and advice about self-harm and suicidal thoughts. The content has been created by doctors and experts in self-harming and suicide prevention. You can find out more here https://www.expertselfcare.com/distract/

Take care, and I hear just how much you want to maintain control over your own thoughts and feelings. That makes sense, and at the same time, the distress you are in is also valid and deserves time and attention.

Can you gaslight yourself into feeling better?

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