i feel so helpless

trying my best to support my friend who is struggling with suicidal thoughts but he is saying my support isnt good enough for him. it is hurting me when he says that bc i am staying up late to help him with his mental health but its just not appreciated. i have given him so many resources to help him but thats not enough either according to him

. i feel so helpless like i know how it feels to be in such a dark situation with suicidal thoughts but ik ppl arent thinking straight when theyre in such a low place but he always picks out everything i say that i recommend or try to do. i called police on him bc i was so worried abt him and his welfare but he got so angry at me and said rly horrible things to the point i sh bc it was rly not nice him mentioning my dead mum when all i did was try keep him alive and safe. why is all i do such a problem? i try hard to help him to think of ways to keep safe etc but i just keep getting it thrown back in my face. idk how to explain it but its ripping my heart apart bc i care abt him so much but him saying such hurtful things rly is destroying me mentally bc i cant cope with it. 💔 i wish my support and love was appreciated but its not and its rly hurting me bc im trying to do my best for myself to keep safe etc then on top of that i am trying my hardest to help him etc but i just get abuse from him. i feel so helpless 😣 he laughs at me when i say what he says abt my mum etc hurts so incredibly much but he says just get over it? like i try my utmost best for you but you just shove everything back into my face its killing me that anything i do or say is useless. i hate seeing him hurting etc and even when he says such horrible things i still support him bc hes my friend and i dont want him to lose his life bc he matters so much. but after i try calming him down factiming him suggesting helplines etc i get abuse from him after everything i do even though im in a dark place rn myself i try my hardest to support him bc he always tells me im the only person he has then goes and shoves it in my face its hurtful it rly is. i just feel so useless and nothing i say or do is gd enough for him 💔 i dont feel like im gd enough to help him bc of what he says after i try comforting him telling him everything is going to be ok etc it’s heartbreaking bc im wanting the best for him but hes throwing everything back at me that i try to do to support him. 😣💔

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Redemption

eylah wrote: »

trying my best to support my friend who is struggling with suicidal thoughts but he is saying my support isnt good enough for him. it is hurting me when he says that bc i am staying up late to help him with his mental health but its just not appreciated. i have given him so many resources to help him but thats not enough either according to him . i feel so helpless like i know how it feels to be in such a dark situation with suicidal thoughts but ik ppl arent thinking straight when theyre in such a low place but he always picks out everything i say that i recommend or try to do. i called police on him bc i was so worried abt him and his welfare but he got so angry at me and said rly horrible things to the point i sh bc it was rly not nice him mentioning my dead mum when all i did was try keep him alive and safe. why is all i do such a problem? i try hard to help him to think of ways to keep safe etc but i just keep getting it thrown back in my face. idk how to explain it but its ripping my heart apart bc i care abt him so much but him saying such hurtful things rly is destroying me mentally bc i cant cope with it. 💔 i wish my support and love was appreciated but its not and its rly hurting me bc im trying to do my best for myself to keep safe etc then on top of that i am trying my hardest to help him etc but i just get abuse from him. i feel so helpless 😣 he laughs at me when i say what he says abt my mum etc hurts so incredibly much but he says just get over it? like i try my utmost best for you but you just shove everything back into my face its killing me that anything i do or say is useless. i hate seeing him hurting etc and even when he says such horrible things i still support him bc hes my friend and i dont want him to lose his life bc he matters so much. but after i try calming him down factiming him suggesting helplines etc i get abuse from him after everything i do even though im in a dark place rn myself i try my hardest to support him bc he always tells me im the only person he has then goes and shoves it in my face its hurtful it rly is. i just feel so useless and nothing i say or do is gd enough for him 💔 i dont feel like im gd enough to help him bc of what he says after i try comforting him telling him everything is going to be ok etc it’s heartbreaking bc im wanting the best for him but hes throwing everything back at me that i try to do to support him. 😣💔

@eylah I’m so sorry you’re going through this it’s clear how much you care for your friend and how hard you’re trying to support him, even when it’s really tough. I’ve seen how supportive and kind you are here, not just to me but to others too. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. It’s painful when your efforts aren’t appreciated, but please remember you matter too. Take care of yourself, because you can’t help anyone if you’re not okay. You are enough, always ❤️

eylah

thanks 🫂

hes asking for help from me again rn which im more then happy to give bc i cant say no to him bc like he said he has only got me 😕. im just hoping when i support him and when he starts to feel better that my support for him isnt thrown back into my face bc before hes been very rude abt me as a person and kept mentioning my mum so hoping i can help him even though its so hard for me but i care abt him and mens mental health is always overlooked so i want him to know he matters as a guy and that he should reach out bc he and other men matter as much as women mental health.

Redemption

eylah wrote: »

thanks 🫂

hes asking for help from me again rn which im more then happy to give bc i cant say no to him bc like he said he has only got me 😕. im just hoping when i support him and when he starts to feel better that my support for him isnt thrown back into my face bc before hes been very rude abt me as a person and kept mentioning my mum so hoping i can help him even though its so hard for me but i care abt him and mens mental health is always overlooked so i want him to know he matters as a guy and that he should reach out bc he and other men matter as much as women mental health.

It’s so kind and selfless of you to keep supporting him, even though it’s so hard on you. You’re doing something truly meaningful by reminding him that he matters and that mental health is important. I hope he realizes how much you care and how much you’re doing for him. Just remember to protect your own mental health too you’re such a caring person, but you can only do so much. You deserve the same kindness and support that you give to

eylah

its not gd enough once again i cant take this 💔💔

MatchaMia

Hi @eylah , I don't even know where to start - I feel as though I can truly relate to you and your care for this friend of yours. Before anything else, I just want to say that you seem like such a warm person with a gigantic heart. It is incredible to see how much love you have to give, and it's not hard to tell how much you care. You know, it may not seem like you're making much impact right now but I just know that in the future he will have such gratitude that someone was there to help him, who shows empathy, patience, and tries to understand him at his lowest. You are such an amazing friend and he is so lucky to have you, even if it seems that he doesn't see that at the moment. I just want to say though, that even though we give it our all, sometimes it really can't be enough (this is so difficult to admit) - we as humans can only shoulder things by ourselves to a certain extent and yes, that means that its so important for him to be supported by a team of people AND its as important that you are not carrying him by yourself- I can't stress this enough. Is there a guardian you can speak with who can encourage him to talk to a professional or get some help, or maybe a teacher? You are so strong for wanting to help, but It's not healthy to put so much on yourself. I think it's also incredibly important to remember 2 hard truths.

1) You can't help someone who isn't willing to receive help

2) You can't help someone if you yourself aren't in a good place mentally - which is something that can happen when we shoulder other people's pain on our own, and let it take too much that we are drained and can't take care of ourselves.

I was in such a similar position where I felt so helpless as if nothing I were doing were helping my friend and honestly I let it take over absolutely everything- I wouldn't be in classes because I would need to be with her in case she had panic and anxiety attacks or fainting spells. I would try and be patient when listening to her talk about her suicidal thoughts and self-harm, even though it was so difficult to be continuously surrounded by that sort of heaviness. I would stay up during her relapses or other scenarios where I was so afraid that she wouldn't be here anymore. And after everything I'd do nothing would help, and in return I became so exhausted in many ways and had such a season of depression. I'm not sharing this for you to lose hope but just to show you that people who care for others are worthy of the same treatment and care you give to everyone else, and they also need just as much love, appreciation, rest, and joy. I love that friend of mine to this day although we parted ways after I realised how much damage the friendship started to bring. Yes, you're right, we want to be there for them as much as humanly possible - but what about ourselves? I also realised that expanding her support system to include teachers, therapists, and family became so important to her healing. And creating that well-needed space between us helped with my own mental health. We actually reconnected after 5 years and she's in a much happier place now and i'm so pleased for her. I think if we hadn't given each other the space and support we both needed (not just from each other) we would've both spiralled. That being said, please remember to take care of yourself and make sure you aren't giving out too much that you can't handle on your own

One more thing, you're right that not a lot of people mean what they say when they're in a terrible position or in a lot of pain, but that does not mean we should be okay with it. There is a limit even in patience and understanding - your hurt is 100000% valid. And it is okay to step back and let go
because of it. You are not a bad person for protecting yourself, you are not a bad friend for giving them to someone else who is capable of helping them. It's so scary to think that, trust me I know - I had felt so much guilt before but I now realised it's exactly what we needed. So I just hope that you'll think about what this is all costing you, as it seems to be a lot of hurt, and whether that friendship is still healthy? Stepping away and putting yourself first does not mean you love them less.

I understand this is such a long post to read through, but from the bottom of my heart I truly hope it helps.

eylah

thanks! ❤️

eylah

hes been continuing this behaviour and im getting to a point i rly cant help someone if they arent willing to help themselves. bc he only reaches out to me im not against it but i cant be available 24/7 and ive given him resources so idk it rly hurts. bc i dont want him feeling like i dont want to help him bc i do but i cant keep returning to supporting him and getting vile abuse from him its hurting me it rly is im feeling so rubbish bc of it 💔. its like my life doesn’t matter anymore bc of this and im just giving up i rly am. 💔

Katie

eylah wrote: »

hes been continuing this behaviour and im getting to a point i rly cant help someone if they arent willing to help themselves. bc he only reaches out to me im not against it but i cant be available 24/7 and ive given him resources so idk it rly hurts. bc i dont want him feeling like i dont want to help him bc i do but i cant keep returning to supporting him and getting vile abuse from him its hurting me it rly is im feeling so rubbish bc of it 💔. its like my life doesn’t matter anymore bc of this and im just giving up i rly am. 💔

Hey @eylah how you're feeling is completely valid. I hear that you can't really help him if he isn't willing to help himself. There is only so much you can do, and you've honestly already done more than enough. Whatever happens is not your fault. You have so much on your shoulders and you are being so strong. You definitely can't be available 24/7 - this would literally be impossible and way too much for anyone to handle. You have your own life too and it's so important you're able to look after yourself as well. I want to say a big well done for giving him resources and finding him places that might be able to help him. I'm sure these places are better equipped and have the knowledge about how to support him.

I can hear how much you want to help him, but it's also important you're able to help yourself. Stepping away from this sounds like a really good decision because you're completely right - you can't keep supporting him and getting vile abuse from him. You don't deserve this at all Eylah.

Your life matters so much Eylah I promise. I'm so glad you're here with us and you're being so open with us. We hear you and we've got you

Please make sure you look after yourself. I'm sending you so many hugs!