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Self concept, emotional invalidation and toxic positivity
Past User
Posts: 0 Just got here
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It's really great that you feel able to share everything with us and I hope getting it down and venting your feelings is somewhat helpful for you. Your emotions are of course valid and deserve to be listened to
If you feel comfortable with it, sometimes it may be worthwhile to let the other person know that first you're looking for a space to talk and for comforting support, before then taking some advice
I understand you felt dismissed by what she said, or at least not validated in the way you wanted to be. The way you feel is always valid and reasonable, because none of us control our emotional responses to things. You feel how you feel for legitimate reasons (whatever they may be) and nobody has the right to say that that's wrong or whatever.
I wonder if two things can be true at once here - someone can be well intentioned and not necessarily do anything wrong, and you can understandably feel hurt by what they say. I don't think you would disagree with that but wanted to highlight it for this discussion.
For probably most people, their instinctive urge when trying to help someone is to either fix their situation or get them to 'look on the bright side'. I think sometimes people are also trying to sincerely share their perspective on someone else's actions with you if they think you've misinterpreted them, but if that doesn't come with active listening and empathy, it can feel like they've invalidated how you feel.
It's really relatable and I imagine lots of folks here would have felt the same way before - it can be frustrating to be on the recieving end of that 'toxic positivity' as you said.
I would echo this. Most people out in the world tend not to be good at just listening without trying to fix your situation (which can be frustrating!), so making it clear that you don't want advice or solutions before talking to someone can help communicate what you need.