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I am obsessed with the student life I imagined which was gone

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
edited September 2021 in Student Life & Education
We had all our classes online this year so we did not have student experience and I was really disappointed. I did join clubs and societies to reduce social isolation. I met a lot of kind people over there who accepted me and my mental health problems. The walks around the parks in the areas around our uni and the nights in pubs could all make me feel like a student again. Although it was also painful because I did not have energy and was forcing myself to recover. It is gone now since I moved away from my uni. And then I start to look back on the experiences I could never have again. It is hard to process. I never felt fully present in those experiences because it was hard for me when my depression deprived me of joy and energy and when my world was bleak. I never felt like a student there but I miss there.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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XLillyX

Comments

  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    I just have to push through these days. I don't care if I die from a heart attack or anything. I would die anyways,
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    emilypig
  • emilypigemilypig Posts: 11 Settling in
    Hi @Kate_20
    I can completely relate here!! I found the whole uni experience so lonely and isolating.. Especially with everything being online. The only 'normal' year I had was first year, all of the rest have been disrupted by things e.g. death of family member and then COVID. I have always felt that the experience is overhyped and people don't include the bad stuff online. It's definitely hard to go back to normal life away from uni after feeling some belonging somewhere. Are you going back to uni or have you graduated now? I know things are hard right now, but is there anything specific getting you through days like this?
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    edited September 2021
    @emilypig I still have my essays to do. I am struggling to graduate. I just write about them but there isn't enough time to write about them.
    Post edited by Kate_20 on
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • KatKat Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    Hiya @Kate_20

    I totally understand where you are coming from. We have all these expectations about how uni should be and it can be underwhelming when our reality differs from what we think it should be like. Covid has made everything so difficult and so it's natural to feel disappointed about the uni experience in these strange times. I know my experience was certainly different from the ideal experience and I think it's best to recognise that it's okay to almost grieve for what feels like a missed experience. But it's important to balance the disappointment with some positivity - you said that you joined societies and found people who accepted you for who you are, and that is so wonderful. So please don't let the disappointment get in the way of seeing all the amazing experiences that you did have at uni. Maybe when you are feeling especially down about your uni experience you can try to think of one positive experience you had, one friendly person that you met.

    In short, what I am saying is that it's okay to feel rubbish about the situation that covid has caused but don't let this overwhelm you because as you have already said, you did have some good experiences. It's really a case of looking hard for those silver linings amongst the clouds.

    I'm sorry that you feel like you are struggling to graduate and are concerned about your essays. I hope it helps to remember that graduating is not always easy and many people have struggles along the way, so you are not alone at all. Maybe it would be best to talk to your university, maybe one of your tutors or somebody from a wellbeing service. You might be able to get some help and even extensions on your essays. It's always best to reach out and let people know that you are struggling so that they can help you.

    I know it can feel really tough but you have done so well sharing your feelings with us. Just remember that even though the student experience wasn't how you expected you still met some lovely people who accepted you for you, and that is so important.
    emilypig
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    Kat wrote: »
    Hiya @Kate_20

    I totally understand where you are coming from. We have all these expectations about how uni should be and it can be underwhelming when our reality differs from what we think it should be like. Covid has made everything so difficult and so it's natural to feel disappointed about the uni experience in these strange times. I know my experience was certainly different from the ideal experience and I think it's best to recognise that it's okay to almost grieve for what feels like a missed experience. But it's important to balance the disappointment with some positivity - you said that you joined societies and found people who accepted you for who you are, and that is so wonderful. So please don't let the disappointment get in the way of seeing all the amazing experiences that you did have at uni. Maybe when you are feeling especially down about your uni experience you can try to think of one positive experience you had, one friendly person that you met.

    In short, what I am saying is that it's okay to feel rubbish about the situation that covid has caused but don't let this overwhelm you because as you have already said, you did have some good experiences. It's really a case of looking hard for those silver linings amongst the clouds.

    I'm sorry that you feel like you are struggling to graduate and are concerned about your essays. I hope it helps to remember that graduating is not always easy and many people have struggles along the way, so you are not alone at all. Maybe it would be best to talk to your university, maybe one of your tutors or somebody from a wellbeing service. You might be able to get some help and even extensions on your essays. It's always best to reach out and let people know that you are struggling so that they can help you.

    I know it can feel really tough but you have done so well sharing your feelings with us. Just remember that even though the student experience wasn't how you expected you still met some lovely people who accepted you for you, and that is so important.

    Hi @Kat I really hope things can work out. I am really not doing well and I am such a disappointment. My deadlines are chasing me and I am a failure. My chest really hurts. I think there is no point in staying alive because I would die from a heart attack anyways. My body is failing me as well.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    Kat wrote: »
    Hiya @Kate_20

    I totally understand where you are coming from. We have all these expectations about how uni should be and it can be underwhelming when our reality differs from what we think it should be like. Covid has made everything so difficult and so it's natural to feel disappointed about the uni experience in these strange times. I know my experience was certainly different from the ideal experience and I think it's best to recognise that it's okay to almost grieve for what feels like a missed experience. But it's important to balance the disappointment with some positivity - you said that you joined societies and found people who accepted you for who you are, and that is so wonderful. So please don't let the disappointment get in the way of seeing all the amazing experiences that you did have at uni. Maybe when you are feeling especially down about your uni experience you can try to think of one positive experience you had, one friendly person that you met.

    In short, what I am saying is that it's okay to feel rubbish about the situation that covid has caused but don't let this overwhelm you because as you have already said, you did have some good experiences. It's really a case of looking hard for those silver linings amongst the clouds.

    I'm sorry that you feel like you are struggling to graduate and are concerned about your essays. I hope it helps to remember that graduating is not always easy and many people have struggles along the way, so you are not alone at all. Maybe it would be best to talk to your university, maybe one of your tutors or somebody from a wellbeing service. You might be able to get some help and even extensions on your essays. It's always best to reach out and let people know that you are struggling so that they can help you.

    I know it can feel really tough but you have done so well sharing your feelings with us. Just remember that even though the student experience wasn't how you expected you still met some lovely people who accepted you for you, and that is so important.

    Hi @Kat I really hope things can work out. I am really not doing well and I am such a disappointment. My deadlines are chasing me and I am a failure. My chest really hurts. I think there is no point in staying alive because I would die from a heart attack anyways. My body is failing me as well.

    Hello Kate,
    Are you having chest pain caused by anxiety? maybe check the Nhs website to see different reasons you have chest pain. I am unsure what you mean by your deadlines are chasing up with you? but always here if you need a listening ear. I wouldn't want you to die and no-one on here or in life would want an amazing person like you to die. Is their any one around you that can support you tonight? family, friends? or even a helpline - shout - 85258 - is good and supportive.
    Take good care off yourself by for now,
    Khia <3
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    Kat wrote: »
    Hiya @Kate_20

    I totally understand where you are coming from. We have all these expectations about how uni should be and it can be underwhelming when our reality differs from what we think it should be like. Covid has made everything so difficult and so it's natural to feel disappointed about the uni experience in these strange times. I know my experience was certainly different from the ideal experience and I think it's best to recognise that it's okay to almost grieve for what feels like a missed experience. But it's important to balance the disappointment with some positivity - you said that you joined societies and found people who accepted you for who you are, and that is so wonderful. So please don't let the disappointment get in the way of seeing all the amazing experiences that you did have at uni. Maybe when you are feeling especially down about your uni experience you can try to think of one positive experience you had, one friendly person that you met.

    In short, what I am saying is that it's okay to feel rubbish about the situation that covid has caused but don't let this overwhelm you because as you have already said, you did have some good experiences. It's really a case of looking hard for those silver linings amongst the clouds.

    I'm sorry that you feel like you are struggling to graduate and are concerned about your essays. I hope it helps to remember that graduating is not always easy and many people have struggles along the way, so you are not alone at all. Maybe it would be best to talk to your university, maybe one of your tutors or somebody from a wellbeing service. You might be able to get some help and even extensions on your essays. It's always best to reach out and let people know that you are struggling so that they can help you.

    I know it can feel really tough but you have done so well sharing your feelings with us. Just remember that even though the student experience wasn't how you expected you still met some lovely people who accepted you for you, and that is so important.

    Hi @Kat I really hope things can work out. I am really not doing well and I am such a disappointment. My deadlines are chasing me and I am a failure. My chest really hurts. I think there is no point in staying alive because I would die from a heart attack anyways. My body is failing me as well.

    Also I hope you reach to those who care about you <3
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    @KHI1886k
    I am not sure it is anxiety I hope it is my heart so my misery will end very soon. People would feel as bad as I end everything.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k
    I am not sure it is anxiety I hope it is my heart so my misery will end very soon. People would feel as bad as I end everything.

    Yes they would. It isn't what your heart says to do It Is the confusion your head is saying and the depression controlling you. does talking help?
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k
    I am not sure it is anxiety I hope it is my heart so my misery will end very soon. People would feel as bad as I end everything.

    Yes they would. It isn't what your heart says to do It Is the confusion your head is saying and the depression controlling you. does talking help?

    @KHI1886k I don't have privacy in my room so talking doesn't help I am scared. My neighbours can hear what I am saying so it is preventing me from getting help. I called up the crisis team they called emergency services I feel bad for everyone
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k
    I am not sure it is anxiety I hope it is my heart so my misery will end very soon. People would feel as bad as I end everything.

    Yes they would. It isn't what your heart says to do It Is the confusion your head is saying and the depression controlling you. does talking help?

    We have unsafe objects in the public space so it is very hard to keep safe I am reaching nowhere
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k
    I am not sure it is anxiety I hope it is my heart so my misery will end very soon. People would feel as bad as I end everything.

    Yes they would. It isn't what your heart says to do It Is the confusion your head is saying and the depression controlling you. does talking help?

    @KHI1886k I don't have privacy in my room so talking doesn't help I am scared. My neighbours can hear what I am saying so it is preventing me from getting help. I called up the crisis team they called emergency services I feel bad for everyone

    You did the right thing! calling for help for yourself is such an amazing strength! well done. They may of called the emergency services but you are still correct in the sense by keeping yourself safe
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    @KHI1886k I feel sorry for them. They might be really angry and upset that I did not do anything to myself

    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    @KHI1886k I tried so hard to keep safe last night and did not enter the public place which was extremely inconvenient. Now I feel like people are disappointed because I am still alive.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k I feel sorry for them. They might be really angry and upset that I did not do anything to myself

    They shouldn't be angry or upset if you did not harm yourself? well done for carrying on reaching out
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k I tried so hard to keep safe last night and did not enter the public place which was extremely inconvenient. Now I feel like people are disappointed because I am still alive.

    If you are feeling unsafe I would urge you contact the mix on 85258 or Samaritans by email webchat or telephone.
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    @KHI1886k They should be angry and upset because I wasted medical resources

    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k They should be angry and upset because I wasted medical resources

    You may think you have but you haven't. you reached out at your lowest and you may not of received treatment at hospital but you kept yourself safe by phoning help. which is really admirable.
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k They should be angry and upset because I wasted medical resources

    You may think you have but you haven't. you reached out at your lowest and you may not of received treatment at hospital but you kept yourself safe by phoning help. which is really admirable.

    @KHI1886k Someone could have died because I used the emergency services when I could still keep safe. I took away the help they deserved. That means I killed people.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    @KHI1886k They should be angry and upset because I wasted medical resources

    You may think you have but you haven't. you reached out at your lowest and you may not of received treatment at hospital but you kept yourself safe by phoning help. which is really admirable.

    @KHI1886k Someone could have died because I used the emergency services when I could still keep safe. I took away the help they deserved. That means I killed people.

    You feel so angry about that I am so sorry. but what you did was really admirable and people would be so grateful you reached out not so many few people could do so well done!
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    @Kate_20 Hello lovely,
    Just wanted to check how you're doing? and I cannot say it enough I am so proud for you to reach out for support heres a hug <3
    plus -
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    @Kate_20 Hello lovely,
    Just wanted to check how you're doing? and I cannot say it enough I am so proud for you to reach out for support heres a hug <3
    plus -

    Thanks Khia. I am not doing well at all I am trying to get better
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
    KHI1886k
  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    @Kate_20 Hello lovely,
    Just wanted to check how you're doing? and I cannot say it enough I am so proud for you to reach out for support heres a hug <3
    plus -

    Thanks Khia. I am not doing well at all I am trying to get better

    Keep talking I always thought Talking and writing my problems down helped so much then relieving help after works so much!
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 581 Incredible Poster
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    KHI1886k wrote: »
    @Kate_20 Hello lovely,
    Just wanted to check how you're doing? and I cannot say it enough I am so proud for you to reach out for support heres a hug <3
    plus -

    Thanks Khia. I am not doing well at all I am trying to get better

    Keep talking I always thought Talking and writing my problems down helped so much then relieving help after works so much!

    @KHI1886k Thanks but sometimes I am in such a mess and I can't figure out what I would like to talk about
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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