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TW: feelings

ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 3,961 Community Veteran
in Health & Wellbeing
. i asked a couple of ppl if they could r_p_ me till death but they sed no, why? i cant self harm.
Crazy mad insane

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    rainskyerainskye Posts: 130 The Mix Convert
    edited May 2021
    Hi Ellie, I'm wondering why you asked people to do that to you? This can be quite an intense feeling you have but I question where this feeling started as I saw your previous post relating to this. Try checking out Mind's website regarding self-harm, they have tips for coping with urges.
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 3,961 Community Veteran
    i hav ptsd, i suffer flashblacks, nightmares, moments of uneasyness, i'd rather be hurt than failing to cope
    Crazy mad insane
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 3,961 Community Veteran
    if it happen again will i feel btr
    Crazy mad insane
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    JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Heyy @ellie2000 sounds like you are aware of the link between your past experiences and your current mindset. How long have you been having these thoughts for, and is there someone you can talk to about this?
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    rainskyerainskye Posts: 130 The Mix Convert
    ellie2000 wrote: »
    i hav ptsd, i suffer flashblacks, nightmares, moments of uneasyness, i'd rather be hurt than failing to cope

    Have you opened up to any healthcare professionals about this? It sounds like you could possibly benefit from some sort of counselling to help you with these feelings.
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 3,961 Community Veteran
    since a trainee therapist left me hanging two yrs ago, she didnt even hav a qualification. her techniqes were questionable, she told me if i werent happy i would scream at them, thts wat i did and it got me in trouble. i had a go at her recently. i struggling to find a proffessional
    Crazy mad insane
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    rainskyerainskye Posts: 130 The Mix Convert
    ellie2000 wrote: »
    since a trainee therapist left me hanging two yrs ago, she didnt even hav a qualification. her techniqes were questionable, she told me if i werent happy i would scream at them, thts wat i did and it got me in trouble. i had a go at her recently. i struggling to find a proffessional

    That does sound like you didn't have the best experience and you didn't really benefit from it. Have you tried going through your GP or possibly some community mental health services near you?
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 3,961 Community Veteran
    i dont no if gp, nhs is open?
    Crazy mad insane
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    m3gan04m3gan04 Posts: 28 Boards Initiate
    ellie2000 wrote: »
    . i asked a couple of ppl if they could r_p_ me till death but they sed no, why? i cant self harm.

    Hey love! I haven’t read any of your previous posts but I hope you’re all okay. I hear you haven’t had the best experience with mental health services but I can assure you that they aren’t all like that. I honestly think you should try and get help for these thoughts you are feeling.

    I understand how hard it can be to ignore intense self-harm urges. It can be terrifying what we are capable of doing to ourselves, and how hard it is to avoid these dark thoughts. It consumes your mind. But we are all here for you! <3

    Would you like to talk more about your post? Perhaps explaining further can help us get a better idea of what’s going through your mind at the moment. By understanding your thoughts we can help them, so we should start with why you are thinking this...

    Why is being ‘raped to death’ your alternative to self-harm?
    There are many alternatives, healthy and unhealthy ones - and each have their reason/purpose. Why is this your personal alternative??
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 3,961 Community Veteran
    edited June 2021
    if its back to normal, b4 lockdown i felt bad and during lockdown mental health got worse, im scared i mite get a unproffessional/training therapist. i had a unproffessional therapist nd she told me to have a go at ppl who done me wrong, they didnt tell me she was training. i missed her sessions coz i found she was bullying, but she kept working with me coz the director told her to. another director told her to stop but she didnt, she got told to keep goin
    i nver fought back coz i was 9 n they were older. ppl who was supposed to be in a position of trust hurt me too. after i got sexually assaulted everything went downhill, i was going to tell the police but the police got ahold of me tht same year coz someone tht was assigned to work with me showed me wrong stuff on the net, i didnt get told tht im free so it was open ended, the officers resigned and i didnt get answers i was looking 4. they destroyed me aswell as the ppl looking after me at the time.
    carer abuse started 2007-2015, sexual assualt 21 april 20?? and the police was october 2010 to july 2013 . to this day im struggling. FML
    Crazy mad insane
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 3,961 Community Veteran
    edited June 2021
    i went out to get away from my carers coz they werent very nice. every group i found was nice first then they would bully, i was on the swing once and a group came surrounding the park and they started to throw bottles nd kick f'balls at me, wen they were out of ammunition, i got off the swing, picked up a ball and held it over the fence, a man from the group came towards me nd threatened me with a kitchen knife if i didnt give the ball back, so i gave it back n they went away
    Crazy mad insane
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