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6 Year Careiversary

Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large AnchorSomewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
So as the title suggests, today is my 6 year anniversary of going into care.

I wanted to use this space to write about what I remember and my time in care.

I remember it was a Wednesday. I was in Geography first period. For a change I don't think I was actually late. I sat right in front of the teacher and it was actually in the corner of the room. This made it awkward when my head if year came and pulled me out of class. I remember she told me to bring my bag. It was literally 10 minutes into class.

The hallways were empty - she was walking me along and told me that there were some social workers here to speak to me. I remember scanning my surroundings and I was gonna make a run. I'm not sure why I didn't. I almost submitted to everyone. I'd had my escape route planned. The dining area was a massive open plan area with doors surrounding it. We had to walk through it to get to the offices. I was going to bolt through the doors on the left.

I got taken in and say down. There was two female social workers sitting opposite me. I don't remember much about what happened but I know they said they were going to be doing a home visit. I remember they went out of the room and I started texting my mum and told her. The social workers asked me if I'd done so and I said yes. They said it was fine.

I remember they asked me if I wanted to go back to class and it was only the last 10 minutes or so of my 3rd period class. I said yes and I went up to my class. My teacher got mad at me for being late as I knew there was a test. She thought I was blowing off class so she told me I had to finish the test in the 10 minutes that was left of class. I was very upset but obviously I didn't want to say anything because my whole class would hear. Once the teacher found out she apologised and let me resit the test.

I don't remember much else that happened during school but I know I was taken out of my last class 5 minutes early to be taken home by social workers. How fun. So yeah by the time they finished talking to my head teacher it was school finishing time. They walked me out the door (how awkward) and took me home in a social work marked car. Sorry wtf why would they do that? I don't remember if I was in the front or the back but I was pretty quiet the whole way back.

I remember the house was a bombsite and it didn't take social work long to ask if there was anywhere else for me to go and live. My mum said that my grandparents had a spare room but she'd need to talk to them first. They were on holiday so I think she called them. I don't really remember too well much other than the school stuff.

I remember they said if I was any younger they'd have taken me into foster care on the spot. I was 14. I was still young.

It still hurts that they didn't do what was best for me but I can't go back and change it. I disclosed what I needed to and they still didn't believe me.

I'm going to write a post about all the places I've lived in my life and all the different schools I've been to and my memories from each. I think this is super important because for non care experienced people they'll often never change school except for transitioning to high school or whatever. It's super important to understand why care experienced people have a harder time at school and are less likely to succeed.

Anyways happy 6 years to me.
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_Tech_Addict_GirlLorryTrucklovemimoonYam27coc0macMikeGreenTea

Comments

  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    Well. It's not 6 years anymore. Guess I'll make a post tomorrow sometime about everywhere I've lived and schools I've been to
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  • _Tech_Addict_Girl_Tech_Addict_Girl Sparkle ✨ Posts: 1,179 Wise Owl
    Hey @Anch0r33 thag sounds like you had a rough time how are things now I hope you are ok big hugs🀍
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    @_Tech_Addict_Girl thanks for the response! It's been tough, especially with how social work have dealt with my case, but I'm getting there :)
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  • Yam27Yam27 Posts: 12 Settling in
    This post took me back in time haha, where should I post about my foster care experience should I just make a new post?
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    Yep, just make a new post in the care experienced zone! You can find that by clicking "new post" and select the care experienced zone :)
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  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 966 Part of The Mix Family
    thank you for sharing this with us. sounds really tough, and I'm sorry to hear that they didn't deal with your case in the best way. pleased to hear you are getting there though :blush: you really are so strong and you're kind for sharing this here as I'm sure other people with similar experiences will feel less alone. proud of you :heart:
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    Okay so the first place I lived was with my grandparents. I stayed with them for just over a year or so.

    I had my own room and they always looked after me.

    I was a bit of a difficult teenager if I'm honest. I ran away a lot, I rarely went to school, I was fairly disobedient and would fight with my grandad in the morning before school.

    I was never brought back by the police, I always felt guilty and returned.

    During my time here I always felt like I ruined their lives, they were retired and elderly and I was just dumped on them.

    I stayed at the same high school that I was at until I moved away from my grandparents.

    School was difficult for me, I didn't much like going to my classes and spent a lot of time in the support classroom.

    It was around this time that my dad started messaging me out of the blue and thus made me feel worse.

    I didn't talk much about living with my grandparents to anyone. I didn't know who knew and I didn't know who I could trust. The social workers at this time we're still involved until just before I turned 16. They shouldn't have closed the case but they did.

    I liked having my own space, it was the first time I had my own space. I found it difficult adjusting to normal life though. It was hard living in a house that wasn't a hoarders palace and I struggled to keep my room organised. It took me a while to learn and I still am to this day.
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    summerxo21
  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonPosts: 321 The Mix Regular
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    Okay so the first place I lived was with my grandparents. I stayed with them for just over a year or so.

    I had my own room and they always looked after me.

    I was a bit of a difficult teenager if I'm honest. I ran away a lot, I rarely went to school, I was fairly disobedient and would fight with my grandad in the morning before school.

    I was never brought back by the police, I always felt guilty and returned.

    During my time here I always felt like I ruined their lives, they were retired and elderly and I was just dumped on them.

    I stayed at the same high school that I was at until I moved away from my grandparents.

    School was difficult for me, I didn't much like going to my classes and spent a lot of time in the support classroom.

    It was around this time that my dad started messaging me out of the blue and thus made me feel worse.

    I didn't talk much about living with my grandparents to anyone. I didn't know who knew and I didn't know who I could trust. The social workers at this time we're still involved until just before I turned 16. They shouldn't have closed the case but they did.

    I liked having my own space, it was the first time I had my own space. I found it difficult adjusting to normal life though. It was hard living in a house that wasn't a hoarders palace and I struggled to keep my room organised. It took me a while to learn and I still am to this day.

    so brave by sharing <3 is there anything you need your assistant to do haha ;)
    Anch0r33XLillyX
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    Thank you @summerxo21 I'm gonna go through everywhere else I lived, it'll be a bumpy ride but worth it.

    Have a think if there's anything you'd like to see on the CE zone - any thing about social workers or your time in care or anything you'd like others to know, feel free to make some threads in here too, can be as specific or unspecific as you like <3
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    XLillyX
  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonPosts: 321 The Mix Regular
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    Thank you @summerxo21 I'm gonna go through everywhere else I lived, it'll be a bumpy ride but worth it.

    Have a think if there's anything you'd like to see on the CE zone - any thing about social workers or your time in care or anything you'd like others to know, feel free to make some threads in here too, can be as specific or unspecific as you like <3

    could i do a thread about my experience? <3
    Anch0r33XLillyX
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    Thank you @summerxo21 I'm gonna go through everywhere else I lived, it'll be a bumpy ride but worth it.

    Have a think if there's anything you'd like to see on the CE zone - any thing about social workers or your time in care or anything you'd like others to know, feel free to make some threads in here too, can be as specific or unspecific as you like <3

    could i do a thread about my experience? <3

    Yes, please do!!! <3
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    summerxo21XLillyX
  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonPosts: 321 The Mix Regular
    hey guys ( this is my experience of being in care there may be some TWs )

    I went into care at 7 years old, i was poorly that day i had left to move but i was sad but i knew hopefully my new 'mum and dad' loved me 9 turns out they didn't.
    years went by i became older i grew then i turned 11, i went walking to meet my partner i got raped. TW. I went back home i was so sad i couldn't talk to anyone.

    I then moved into year 8 me and my partner was happy and i was getting stalked and raped and i got told if i told i would die. My foster carers didn't look after me, they treated me like a rag doll. i really thought no-one will ever love me. i then got told i could move back with my dad ( it didnt work out ) i then got moved back into foster care i got moved 11 times.
    I got raped by one and i feel like a burden.

    if you want to hear the rest then i will just this is hard to share, @Anch0r33 thank you for letting me write this <3
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    edited September 5
    @summerxo21 thanks for sharing. You're welcome to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with <3

    I hope it helps you to come to terms with everything you've been through <3

    If you feel comfortable, I think your story deserves a space of its own - make yourself a thread in the care experienced zone and you can copy and paste it into there. More people will likely see it and can support you <3
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    XLillyX
  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonPosts: 321 The Mix Regular
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    @summerxo21 thanks for sharing. You're welcome to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with <3

    I hope it helps you to come to terms with everything you've been through <3

    If you feel comfortable, I think your story deserves a space of its own - make yourself a thread in the care experienced zone and you can copy and paste it into there. More people will likely see it and can support you <3

    okay mind if i tag you in it aswell?
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    @summerxo21 go for it :)
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  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonPosts: 321 The Mix Regular
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    @summerxo21 go for it :)

    okay i will :)
    Anch0r33XLillyX
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    When I was not long turned 16 I ended up moving abroad. I got a placement in America on an ice hockey academy. It enabled me to finish school, develop my skills and most of all it gave my grandparents a break.

    I was placed into a girl's group home, it was run by the hockey academy. There was the coach and then 10 girls to start with. I think we went up to 12 girls.

    I lived in a room of 4. 2 bunk beds.

    It started out okay but soon everything went to shit. The coach was fairly abusive and mistreated some of us.

    She banned us from having anything unhealthy whilst eating puddings in front of us, supposedly to help our mental strength.

    She wouldn't allow me to do my homework in my room and stated that I just didn't want to be with the rest of the girls.

    She took our electronics off us at night time and did room checks. Because the time difference was 8 hours this made me really isolated from everyone I knew back home.

    On the ice I was regularly singled out, excluded from sessions and called out for whatever reason.

    Off the ice she banned anyone from helping me with my homework because apparently I was taking advantage of people. In reality I was just struggling with my school work due to my past experiences of school.

    Honestly the list could go on but I only lived there for 2 months before I got shifted and placed with a foster type family.

    Living in that girls home was living hell, and then to make things worse even after I was moved I still had to see them every single day.
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    summerxo21
  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonPosts: 321 The Mix Regular
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    When I was not long turned 16 I ended up moving abroad. I got a placement in America on an ice hockey academy. It enabled me to finish school, develop my skills and most of all it gave my grandparents a break.

    I was placed into a girl's group home, it was run by the hockey academy. There was the coach and then 10 girls to start with. I think we went up to 12 girls.

    I lived in a room of 4. 2 bunk beds.

    It started out okay but soon everything went to shit. The coach was fairly abusive and mistreated some of us.

    She banned us from having anything unhealthy whilst eating puddings in front of us, supposedly to help our mental strength.

    She wouldn't allow me to do my homework in my room and stated that I just didn't want to be with the rest of the girls.

    She took our electronics off us at night time and did room checks. Because the time difference was 8 hours this made me really isolated from everyone I knew back home.

    On the ice I was regularly singled out, excluded from sessions and called out for whatever reason.

    Off the ice she banned anyone from helping me with my homework because apparently I was taking advantage of people. In reality I was just struggling with my school work due to my past experiences of school.

    Honestly the list could go on but I only lived there for 2 months before I got shifted and placed with a foster type family.

    Living in that girls home was living hell, and then to make things worse even after I was moved I still had to see them every single day.

    how horrible you are so strong sharing this with us <3
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    @summerxo21 she was a horrible person, ended up getting banned from coaching for her mistreatment of players. A 20 something page document was filed against her and most players didn't return.

    She turned most of the team against me, made up lies. More people talk to me after we all left that hellhole than they did at the time.

    She told me that my school wanted to deport me and she turned all the coaching staff against me.

    When I was injured (damaged my finger pretty bad and bled out for 3 days) she refused to take me to the hospital even though she was my legal guardian. By the time I was allowed to go (like 2 weeks later) I was told it would've needed stitches but it was too late for them. Then once I was cleared to play she made every excuse under the sun not to let me come.

    I remember when we were in Banff I had to sit and watch all the games, she wasn't coaching because she'd received a suspension. She sat a few rows back from me, during the break I went on my iPad and she started screaming at me in front of everyone about how I wasn't interested in being here and she should just send me home. Everyone in the seating area and both my teammates and the opposition stopped to look. The referees did the same. It was so humiliating.

    That same trip during a different game I was standing watching and a girl from another team came up to ask me why I never play. It was so bad that other teams noticed she never let me play.

    She ended up getting me suspended from the academy because my grade dropped to a D. It was shit because other people in the boys teams at the academy we're doing drugs and alcohol illegally and also failing classes. Was only me though.

    I remember the night before I moved from the girls house some of the girls were caught sneaking out. I'd been busy packing with my teammate who was moving place with me and we had videos to prove that. Anyway we got the blame for sneaking out even though I have a British accent (the only non north American there) and I also wore a hat due to hair loss so I was easily identifiable. None the less was me apparently.

    I honestly could go on and on about her but damn it's exhausting
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  • summerxo21summerxo21 LondonPosts: 321 The Mix Regular
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    @summerxo21 she was a horrible person, ended up getting banned from coaching for her mistreatment of players. A 20 something page document was filed against her and most players didn't return.

    She turned most of the team against me, made up lies. More people talk to me after we all left that hellhole than they did at the time.

    She told me that my school wanted to deport me and she turned all the coaching staff against me.

    When I was injured (damaged my finger pretty bad and bled out for 3 days) she refused to take me to the hospital even though she was my legal guardian. By the time I was allowed to go (like 2 weeks later) I was told it would've needed stitches but it was too late for them. Then once I was cleared to play she made every excuse under the sun not to let me come.

    I remember when we were in Banff I had to sit and watch all the games, she wasn't coaching because she'd received a suspension. She sat a few rows back from me, during the break I went on my iPad and she started screaming at me in front of everyone about how I wasn't interested in being here and she should just send me home. Everyone in the seating area and both my teammates and the opposition stopped to look. The referees did the same. It was so humiliating.

    That same trip during a different game I was standing watching and a girl from another team came up to ask me why I never play. It was so bad that other teams noticed she never let me play.

    She ended up getting me suspended from the academy because my grade dropped to a D. It was shit because other people in the boys teams at the academy we're doing drugs and alcohol illegally and also failing classes. Was only me though.

    I remember the night before I moved from the girls house some of the girls were caught sneaking out. I'd been busy packing with my teammate who was moving place with me and we had videos to prove that. Anyway we got the blame for sneaking out even though I have a British accent (the only non north American there) and I also wore a hat due to hair loss so I was easily identifiable. None the less was me apparently.

    I honestly could go on and on about her but damn it's exhausting

    i am sorry that happened and glad she got fired serves her right for being such a bitch to you <3 i admire you for sharing this well done <3
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    After living in the girls house I was placed in a family home. One of my teammates came with me, we got on very well.

    I had my own room and shared a bathroom with my teammate.

    We had a cat and a dog and it was a single lady. She was lovely.

    I really learned a lot here, I learned how to live in a family, I was trusted with the dog (and the cat).

    Whilst in this placement I went on 2 or 3 different respite type arrangements. The girls house refused to have me back so sometimes I would stay with another family who's daughter was also on our team and sometimes I would stay with my foster parents boyfriend and his daughter who was the same age as me.

    I moved about a lot depending on my foster parents work schedule. She often worked a few hours away and stayed up there.

    She was so nice though and I really can't fault living there.

    We had chores to do, she made our food, took me to school and training and did anything we needed.

    I was really sad when I had to leave.
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  • KHI1886kKHI1886k Midlands Posts: 136 The Mix Convert
    Anch0r33 wrote: Β»
    When I was not long turned 16 I ended up moving abroad. I got a placement in America on an ice hockey academy. It enabled me to finish school, develop my skills and most of all it gave my grandparents a break.

    I was placed into a girl's group home, it was run by the hockey academy. There was the coach and then 10 girls to start with. I think we went up to 12 girls.

    I lived in a room of 4. 2 bunk beds.

    It started out okay but soon everything went to shit. The coach was fairly abusive and mistreated some of us.

    She banned us from having anything unhealthy whilst eating puddings in front of us, supposedly to help our mental strength.

    She wouldn't allow me to do my homework in my room and stated that I just didn't want to be with the rest of the girls.

    She took our electronics off us at night time and did room checks. Because the time difference was 8 hours this made me really isolated from everyone I knew back home.

    On the ice I was regularly singled out, excluded from sessions and called out for whatever reason.

    Off the ice she banned anyone from helping me with my homework because apparently I was taking advantage of people. In reality I was just struggling with my school work due to my past experiences of school.

    Honestly the list could go on but I only lived there for 2 months before I got shifted and placed with a foster type family.

    Living in that girls home was living hell, and then to make things worse even after I was moved I still had to see them every single day.

    That sounds horrific :/ Are you happy and okay now? good gosh that must off been so horrible for you and I cannot even think that could happen You're so strong!
    Being moved doesn't sound nice, I cannot imagine what you have been through but I am so certain you're strong and one day you'll beat everything slowing you down in life and causing you grieve! <3

    Take good care of yourself okay?
    Khia
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Obnoxiously Large Anchor Somewhere in the sea 🌊Posts: 1,074 Wise Owl
    So I'm currently staying with my uncle and his fiance for the first time in my life, we're at the family caravan. It honestly feels like I'm a kid again in care - like I feel so vulnerable and small. Like I've been so independent my whole life and I came in tonight, they had bought me food, they put the towel in the bathroom for me to have a shower, they put my dinner in the oven, plated it for me, cleaned my dishes. I literally just made my bed which was what I did when I was in kinship.

    It just makes me feel so vulnerable, idk, I mean I'm not sad or happy or anything. It's just a weird feeling.

    I think if I didn't live with my grandparents I'm not even sure if they'd have taken me in. I really just don't know what would've happened.

    It's weird. It just feels weird
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