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Hallucinations and DID (??)

_AJ__AJ_ Posts: 117 The Mix Convert
in Health & Wellbeing

Hi, 

This requires a bit of backstory I think. I’m 19 and have heard voices since I was 16. I also have a diagnosis of CPTSD amongst other things due to abuse at home. 

Recently I’ve been really struggling with visual hallucinations as well as hearing voices. I see a young girl (Erin) who until recently has been particularly critical and at times threatening. The voice I hear (Fern) has made several threats on my life and encouraged me to hurt myself. A few weeks ago I attempted suicide because of these voices (not the first time but the most recent). I’m starting to really struggle with how much these hallucinations are interfering with my life. The other day I had a particularly strange experience. Erin took my phone and started texting one of my friends. In that conversation it became clear (reading it back as I wasn’t aware what was happening at the time) that she was trying to protect me from Fern. I’ve had a lot of episodes as well recently (and in the past) of mind blanks and losing periods of time. 

Someone has suggested to me that I may be experiencing Dissociative Identity Disorder, and that the times where I am having memory problems are times when Erin or someone else is ‘fronting’. 

I’m all a bit scared about what’s going on and would really appreciate any advice or to speak to anyone who has experienced similar as I’m feeling very alone. 

Thanks, 

Aj 

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Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Heya

    This sounds really confusing and scary. Espicaly when you lose time and memories. I don’t think many people on here struggle with DID if anyone.  I personally don’t but i hope someone who does as it does sound like DID 

    was you given any support after you attempted suicide? You have been experiencing it for a few years now. Has anything helped in the past to deal with the voices ?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @_AJ_

    Sending love and support your way. You say that you feel scared about what's going on and that's understandable - this really does sound like a lot to deal with. So I'm pleased you reached out :heart:

    Although this can feel like a really difficult thing to understand or control, there are organisations that are dedicated to helping people with similar experiences. These organisations can help you to make sense of what is happening for you, and support you in regaining a better feeling of control. I'm wondering, are you receiving any support at the moment? 

    The Hearing Voices Network is one example. They have a great advice page filled with information about who you could talk to and what they could help you with. I'll link it here, hopefully that can help you find the support that you deserve :heart:

    In terms of experiencing DID, would you consider speaking to a professional about that? They will be better able to let you know if it is DID that you are experiencing, and refer you to the best support accordingly :smile:

    Of course, the advice above relates to getting support from trained professionals. However, I want you to know that we are always right here too, to listen, to talk through things and to support you. We care a tonne :heart:

    Take good care x
  • AnyaAnya Posts: 12 Settling in
    Hi AJ

    I have similar although I dont refer them to hallucinations as hallucinations refers to something that is not real. Well mine are real. Anyways theres an organisation called Voice Collective they are fab. If you dont already know about them.
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 117 The Mix Convert
    Shaunie said:
    Heya

    This sounds really confusing and scary. Espicaly when you lose time and memories. I don’t think many people on here struggle with DID if anyone.  I personally don’t but i hope someone who does as it does sound like DID 

    was you given any support after you attempted suicide? You have been experiencing it for a few years now. Has anything helped in the past to deal with the voices ?
    Heya Shaunie, 
    Nice to speak to you again btw- I disappeared for a bit! 
    I spoke to my therapist this morning about it and she isn't convinced its DID but thinks I certainly have traits. Not really sure how I feel about that. 
    I didn't really tell anyone I'd attempted suicide (my relationship at home is tricky...) but my therapist now knows and has been supportive. 
    Things like listening to music etc used to be helpful, but now I am finding technology really tricky as I am scared that the voices are manipulating people and sending messages. 
    AJ 
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 117 The Mix Convert
    coc0mac said:
    Hi @_AJ_

    Sending love and support your way. You say that you feel scared about what's going on and that's understandable - this really does sound like a lot to deal with. So I'm pleased you reached out :heart:

    Although this can feel like a really difficult thing to understand or control, there are organisations that are dedicated to helping people with similar experiences. These organisations can help you to make sense of what is happening for you, and support you in regaining a better feeling of control. I'm wondering, are you receiving any support at the moment? 

    The Hearing Voices Network is one example. They have a great advice page filled with information about who you could talk to and what they could help you with. I'll link it here, hopefully that can help you find the support that you deserve :heart:

    In terms of experiencing DID, would you consider speaking to a professional about that? They will be better able to let you know if it is DID that you are experiencing, and refer you to the best support accordingly :smile:

    Of course, the advice above relates to getting support from trained professionals. However, I want you to know that we are always right here too, to listen, to talk through things and to support you. We care a tonne :heart:

    Take good care x
    Hiya,
    Thanks for your message and support, it means a lot :) It is really scary at the moment, because I am having lots of strange experiences and feeling quite overwhelmed and not too sure what's real and not. 
    Thanks for the link- I will take a look at that. 
    I have spoken to my therapist today about DID and she isn't sure- like I said to Shaunie she thinks I have traits. But she also isn't qualified to diagnose. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow though so that may be good. 
    Thanks for being willing to listen :) 
    AJ <3
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 117 The Mix Convert
    Anya said:
    Hi AJ

    I have similar although I dont refer them to hallucinations as hallucinations refers to something that is not real. Well mine are real. Anyways theres an organisation called Voice Collective they are fab. If you dont already know about them.
    Hey @Anya
    Mine are real too. I only call them hallucinations because others can't see them, but they are very real. 
    Thanks, I'll check out Voice Collective. 
    Take care, 
    AJ x
  • AnyaAnya Posts: 12 Settling in
    If people ask me so are they hallucinations I'll say no because there not. Cant reccomend VoiceCollective enough,  I've been a member for a good few years with VC but I'm turning 26 in a couple of months so I havent got long left until I need to leave as a member. You dont have to sensor what you are experiencing that's why I think VC is so brilliant because we know and VC knows voices, people, evil spirits (people have their own preference as to what they call theirs) command us to do things to harm ourselves or others but you can speak freely about this on VC which I think it's so important that us that have been given these challenges voices,people,evil spirits has a space to speak about these. VC is the place for that!

    Take care AJ x
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