In need of advice if you have time please
Hi there,
I'm not one for usually reaching out for support, but I'm having a bad time currently and wondered if I could ask for some advice please.
I'm in the middle of preparing for a really important first choice university interview that I really want to smash. It's a lot of pressure and stress. I'm getting daily pressure headaches from the stress.
Some background to this post....While I was in college (finished this summer, taking a gap year because of the covid situation), I had one of my 2 best friends there. We had 2 out of 3 classes together and just had a great relationship going. However, he was going out with this girl (still going out) who hated my guts for being a female and close to him. We were semi-friends before they started going out but it just felt like i was a nuisance to her by being there. I know at this point I should've just walked away completely but it's so hard when it's one of your best friends. My grandad, great uncle and friend all passed away within the space of 3 weeks, last year, and it completely shattered me. I was down constantly, not eating properly and it was just a terrible time. I was crying one day in class and my friend gave me a tissue. His girlfriend was in the same class and was glaring at me (she knew about what had been happening). I found out later that it was because he hadn't cared as much when she was having an attention melt-down the day before. Later on that day, she asked if she could have a "word" with us both, and I knew it would be bad if I stayed. So I tried to leave but my friend said it would be fine. She proceeded to go off on us saying she knew we don't want to talk to her but she needed to get something off her chest. At which point, i just turned around a walked off. My friend came after me and found me crying in the stairwell. I went home and he went off on her. She sent an apology text after he'd threatened to break up with her. She wouldn't have cared otherwise. I said it was fine and we all moved on (but I never forgot and my opinion changed completely about her). When it was his birthday, I'd made him a few cupcakes with this new recipe I'd been trying, and deliberately gave him them outside of college so his girlfriend wouldn't go off on me for it (we both live in the same area so met up). I already felt as if she'd been spreading lies around our friend group at college, but I was sure when he brought one of the cakes into college for lunch and a bunch of them started saying "ooh she must like you if she's baking you stuff, it's obvious". Some of my so-called friends there also started joining in and saying I'd definitely go out with him if she wasn't in the picture (not true whatsoever). And then saying they feel i "overstep the relationship line" by being best friends with him when he has a girlfriend... So fast forward a few months. He was thinking of breaking things off and had been trying to talk to me about it as a friend for advice. I said I couldn't get involved and it was his decision just saying "Just think about what makes you happy". He eventually did break it off and when she asked who he'd been talking to about it, he stupidly said me and his mum. When she heard mention of me, she said "F**king b*tch". At that point I was done with her. I hadn't influenced his decision whatsoever and didn't talk to her at all after that. I truly believe she only tried to be friends with me in the beginning to get to my friend and go out with him. There were the obvious rumours about us going out in the beginning of college but we both obviously soon cut them dead. Not saying he's not a great guy and nice-looking, just wasn't interested in dating him and I have my own self-conscious issues about appearance and didn't want to date, even if he had liked me. But she always thought I had some sort of thing for him and was a 'boyfriend-stealer'. So i was never going to win with that attitude so deeply engrained in her. A couple of months later, she convinced him to get back together, so they are currently dating again long-distance (both at uni).
So coming to why I wrote this post...She unfriended me on facebook (I didn't want to be the one to do it but I was over the moon when she did herself)..I don't know whether she's the type of person to say to my friend that I'd done it, but to be sure, I let my friend know before she did. I also asked him not to say anything. About 2 days after I told him, she friend requested me again. I'm obviously not accepting it, but I messaged my friend asking if he'd said anything, and he gave a few cryptic answers and changed the subject..he eventually said he hadn't and changed the subject...but he has fibbed before about these things and I just don't know what to believe anymore. He makes me feel small at times and like i'm being over the top, but I've been so hurt by this girl that I don't know what to think anymore. I said to him that i was confused by her friend requesting me and his response was "Oh..maybe ...idk by sending you a friend request...she wants to be...friends? How weird would that be" or something along those lines. And i just don't know what to think. It's like he's completely forgotten how awful she was to me. Sorry for the long rant but I just don't know what to do. He's been my best friend for years but is just such a t*sser at times. I love him as a friend and really don't want to walk away and end the friendship but the way he treats me at times is just not kind. It's helped a lot to write it all down but I'm still in tears over this. I know I need to focus on my interview but I'm stressed and confused out of my mind and just hating life quite a lot. I wouldn't class myself as suicidal, but I'm definitely verging on depressed. My other best friend who I would be lost without has been amazing throughout all of this, but I just don't know anymore. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you and sorry for ranting. Man i hope they're not signed up to this forum haha.
