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GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
Conversation with my doctor earlier today, made me realise how much I'm not not coping and how bad my mental health is becoming..they wanted to sign me off work but I refused because it's the only thing getting me out if bed at the moment. 
We talked about my impulse behaviours and how I need to grasp control and I can't..
Things are so hard.. I haven't washed my hair in over a week, I havent showered in over a week, I haven't had a decent actual meal in over a week (eaten but not actual meals). I get frustrated at myself for how I look and change my clothes multiple times in a day because I feel ugly and don't feel comfortable in what I'm wearing. 
It's really fucking difficult.
I don't think my emotions are helped by feeling so hated and unwanted by everyone around me..simply being ignored sets me into a spiral of overthinking and talking hateful towards myself.
The constant urge to self harm is hovering over my head like a big rain cloud ready to let go of the rain.
In November I have my mental health assessment. I really really hope I finally get support I need from it.. I'm tired of fighting alone. 

The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

Astrid Alauda

Tagged:
independent_Anch0r33

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,376 Part of The Furniture
    edited October 7
    Sending massive hugs @GreenTea

    It all sounds really difficult and overwhelming at the moment. But I believe that you’re a strong person and you can get through this too. 

    It might seem really far away to you right now, but the assessment is a positive thing and I really hope that it gets you the support you need and deserve. 

    Look after yourself and keep talking about it you’re doing a great job <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    Thank you @independent_
    I just feel so low at the moment and my doctor ended up doing referral on my behalf when it should of been self referral. I did get a right telling off for not doing it as I need to show I'm willing to work with professionals. Which I'm trying to but I'm very very anxious about working with people I don't know

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    independent_
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,376 Part of The Furniture
    I think that’s understandable to feel anxious about people you don’t know. It can take a bit of time to feel comfortable enough with people to open up to them fully. 

    You’ll get there. You can do this. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    Thank you. Starting a higher dose now. I'm pissed off with my doctor who said they sent it through to pharmacy but didn't so they rang to chase it up which took ages. Thing with this medication is it makes urges to self harm a lot more frequent and difficult to manage

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,376 Part of The Furniture
    edited October 8
    Ahh that’s annoying with the pharmacy thing. Have you got them now or having to wait?

    I really understand how tough the urges can be have you got anything you find distracts you in that moment?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    Kinda. I don't really know. I'm so exhausted by the end of the day it's hard to have the energy to distract

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    OeydpkFtlslysystlslfskfsnfHddalalydititakdajfzlgdljfludktahsDullyskrajfaktsluflysrjsktydul

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    I'm just...arghhhh
    Everyone else gets so much fucking support and I'm just fucking invisible when I fucking need support. 

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • DandelionDandelion Posts: 936 Part of The Mix Family
    You’re not invisible, we all care about you. Is there anything we can do to help ❤️
    Today is a great day for a great day. 
    Eleanor
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,376 Part of The Furniture
    You’re absolutely not invisible, we see you, we care about you and you absolutely matter and deserve so much support. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Eleanor
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    I can't cope anymore.

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    independent_
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    I'm tired. I'm tired of everyone hating me because they can't take the time to understand me. I'm tired of people not properly listening. I'm tired of reaching out for support and getting nothing. 
    What's the point in me bothering to do what crisis and my doctors and other professionals tell me do, when I do it but nobody else is there.
    "Talk to your friends and family"...I would if they cared.

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    independent_
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,376 Part of The Furniture
    It’s really horrible that you’re being made to feel like no one cares/wants to support you. We do. I do. I know how lonely this stuff can feel a lot of the time. But people do care. It’s hard to see it I really hear you on that but they do care. 

    Sending massive hugs. You’re doing great speaking out here on the boards.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 566 Incredible Poster
    Hey @GreenTea in a perfect world, what would you want people to understand about you? 

    How would you describe yourself to the community? 

    What do you feel is the most important thing about you that you want people to know? 

    I hear you and I see you and I want to help you. 
    👁️👄👁️
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    I want people to understand that I'm not this big horrible cow everyone thinks I am. I'm not that at all. I do care. I care about a lot of things and don't stand for shit. I'm tired of feeling so hated and ignored Everywhere I go. I'm tired of shit I get treated, left out, ignored, death threats on twitter... It's not ok. 
    I'm human too. I've been through a lot, I'm not ok at the moment. I have feelings too. I try and do nice things for everyone else..like the general chat thread... But it's still not enough to be accepted anywhere.

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 566 Incredible Poster
    I don't think you're a big horrible cow, and you deserve help just like everyone else on here. 

    You shouldn't stand for shit, no one should. 

    I'm sorry you feel left out and like you're ignored. I hear you and want you to feel heard. 

    I agree, you're human, you've been through shit too. You came on here to find support and that's not happening for you. 

    You should be proud of the things you do on here for everyone - we all love the general chat thread as you can see! 

    Keep doing good things, keep supporting others and the good you do will follow you and be good to you in return. Sometimes it feels good making someone feel a bit more supported and happier. 

    Independent, Dandelion and I are all here in this thread to support you <3
    👁️👄👁️
    Dandelion
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    edited October 18
    I feel taken advantage of. I do good things and it's not like anyone has stopped to say thank you. Nobody stops to check in with me after all the stuff I do for them. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm constantly just being taken as a joke and taken advantage of.

    I do so much for people, so much for my family, people physically around me...and I just get treated like shit in return

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 566 Incredible Poster
    I totally understand that feeling - the same happens to me in real life - I helped set up my uni team, I designed the jerseys, I helped get us a venue, helped recruit and the one thing I asked for was my choice of number - something that had already been agreed to. 

    With my other team I was always put on in games with the beginners and I was expected to do everything, it was like I wasn't being used to the best of my ability and I was just being pushed to the side. I could've been so much more of an impact if I had people of actual playing ability. 

    I do all the dishes for my bfs family (7 of us) and get little thanks but when I leave a bowl that I've just finished using on the floor for a few minutes it's complained about. 

    I know how it feels. I've been lucky that this community has accepted me. 

    A lot of shitty things have happened and I'm very thankful that the people on here have supported me. 

    I really hope I can help return that to you, because you deserve the help that you need. 
    👁️👄👁️
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    I feel like this community never accepted me. Only a very few people did..

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Crazy Rat Lady 🐀 Posts: 566 Incredible Poster
    What makes you think they haven't accepted you? 

    You say you feel ignored, but hopefully we can change that. 

    What's to say you can't feel accepted within the community in the future? 
    👁️👄👁️
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 9,432 Supreme Poster
    I'm so fucking frustrated!!!!!

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Anch0r33
  • DandelionDandelion Posts: 936 Part of The Mix Family
    GreenTea said:
    I'm so fucking frustrated!!!!!
    Are you alright, Do you want to talk about it? Xx
    Today is a great day for a great day. 
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 854 Part of The Mix Family
    GreenTea said:
    I'm so fucking frustrated!!!!!

    What’s going on today @GreenTea do you want to talk about it? 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 5,376 Part of The Furniture
    I hope everything is ok. Here if you wanna talk about it 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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