We talked about my impulse behaviours and how I need to grasp control and I can't..
Things are so hard.. I haven't washed my hair in over a week, I havent showered in over a week, I haven't had a decent actual meal in over a week (eaten but not actual meals). I get frustrated at myself for how I look and change my clothes multiple times in a day because I feel ugly and don't feel comfortable in what I'm wearing.
It's really fucking difficult.
I don't think my emotions are helped by feeling so hated and unwanted by everyone around me..simply being ignored sets me into a spiral of overthinking and talking hateful towards myself.
The constant urge to self harm is hovering over my head like a big rain cloud ready to let go of the rain.
In November I have my mental health assessment. I really really hope I finally get support I need from it.. I'm tired of fighting alone.
The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.