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Things
Former Member ☕🌻☕Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
Conversation with my doctor earlier today, made me realise how much I'm not not coping and how bad my mental health is becoming..they wanted to sign me off work but I refused because it's the only thing getting me out if bed at the moment.
We talked about my impulse behaviours and how I need to grasp control and I can't..
Things are so hard.. I haven't washed my hair in over a week, I havent showered in over a week, I haven't had a decent actual meal in over a week (eaten but not actual meals). I get frustrated at myself for how I look and change my clothes multiple times in a day because I feel ugly and don't feel comfortable in what I'm wearing.
It's really fucking difficult.
I don't think my emotions are helped by feeling so hated and unwanted by everyone around me..simply being ignored sets me into a spiral of overthinking and talking hateful towards myself.
The constant urge to self harm is hovering over my head like a big rain cloud ready to let go of the rain.
In November I have my mental health assessment. I really really hope I finally get support I need from it.. I'm tired of fighting alone.
We talked about my impulse behaviours and how I need to grasp control and I can't..
Things are so hard.. I haven't washed my hair in over a week, I havent showered in over a week, I haven't had a decent actual meal in over a week (eaten but not actual meals). I get frustrated at myself for how I look and change my clothes multiple times in a day because I feel ugly and don't feel comfortable in what I'm wearing.
It's really fucking difficult.
I don't think my emotions are helped by feeling so hated and unwanted by everyone around me..simply being ignored sets me into a spiral of overthinking and talking hateful towards myself.
The constant urge to self harm is hovering over my head like a big rain cloud ready to let go of the rain.
In November I have my mental health assessment. I really really hope I finally get support I need from it.. I'm tired of fighting alone.
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Comments
Community Champion Posts: 9,193
Supreme Poster
It all sounds really difficult and overwhelming at the moment. But I believe that you’re a strong person and you can get through this too.
It might seem really far away to you right now, but the assessment is a positive thing and I really hope that it gets you the support you need and deserve.
Look after yourself and keep talking about it you’re doing a great job
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
I just feel so low at the moment and my doctor ended up doing referral on my behalf when it should of been self referral. I did get a right telling off for not doing it as I need to show I'm willing to work with professionals. Which I'm trying to but I'm very very anxious about working with people I don't know
Community Champion Posts: 9,193
Supreme Poster
You’ll get there. You can do this.
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
Community Champion Posts: 9,193
Supreme Poster
I really understand how tough the urges can be have you got anything you find distracts you in that moment?
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
Everyone else gets so much fucking support and I'm just fucking invisible when I fucking need support.
Posts: 1,911
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Community Champion Posts: 9,193
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☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
What's the point in me bothering to do what crisis and my doctors and other professionals tell me do, when I do it but nobody else is there.
"Talk to your friends and family"...I would if they cared.
Community Champion Posts: 9,193
Supreme Poster
Sending massive hugs. You’re doing great speaking out here on the boards.
Obnoxiously Large Anchor Posts: 1,201
Wise Owl
How would you describe yourself to the community?
What do you feel is the most important thing about you that you want people to know?
I hear you and I see you and I want to help you.
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
I'm human too. I've been through a lot, I'm not ok at the moment. I have feelings too. I try and do nice things for everyone else..like the general chat thread... But it's still not enough to be accepted anywhere.
Obnoxiously Large Anchor Posts: 1,201
Wise Owl
You shouldn't stand for shit, no one should.
I'm sorry you feel left out and like you're ignored. I hear you and want you to feel heard.
I agree, you're human, you've been through shit too. You came on here to find support and that's not happening for you.
You should be proud of the things you do on here for everyone - we all love the general chat thread as you can see!
Keep doing good things, keep supporting others and the good you do will follow you and be good to you in return. Sometimes it feels good making someone feel a bit more supported and happier.
Independent, Dandelion and I are all here in this thread to support you
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
I do so much for people, so much for my family, people physically around me...and I just get treated like shit in return
Obnoxiously Large Anchor Posts: 1,201
Wise Owl
With my other team I was always put on in games with the beginners and I was expected to do everything, it was like I wasn't being used to the best of my ability and I was just being pushed to the side. I could've been so much more of an impact if I had people of actual playing ability.
I do all the dishes for my bfs family (7 of us) and get little thanks but when I leave a bowl that I've just finished using on the floor for a few minutes it's complained about.
I know how it feels. I've been lucky that this community has accepted me.
A lot of shitty things have happened and I'm very thankful that the people on here have supported me.
I really hope I can help return that to you, because you deserve the help that you need.
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
Obnoxiously Large Anchor Posts: 1,201
Wise Owl
You say you feel ignored, but hopefully we can change that.
What's to say you can't feel accepted within the community in the future?
☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938
Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
Posts: 1,911
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Posts: 1,171
Wise Owl
Community Champion Posts: 9,193
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