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Sex is excruciating

IzzyIzzy Posts: 2 Newbie
in Sex & Relationships
Oops, I'm so sorry about my previous post! I'm not sure how this website works and i accidentally posted something without writing down what my issue was!

I'm wondering if anyone else on here has had issues with sex being excruciating? i understand there is no medical professionals on here but i'm just looking for friendly advice.

I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 years, since we were 14! He is so patient with me but we are yet to actually have sex. Every time we try, It feels like the muscles in my vagina are creating a barricade and when we have tried to push through it, the pain is too much to cope with and i have to tell him to stop. 

This is frustrating for both of us, he is feeling like i'm not sexually attracted to him when i really am! I don't know why this is happening.

We can only have oral sex, whenever he tries to penetrate me it just doesn't work. I'm worried that there is something wrong with me. This is something i have struggled with for a long time. i have always been very frightened of things going into my vagina. I have tried with tampons but half way up, they start to hurt and i pull them out.  

Is this all in my head? Why am i not able to have sex with my boyfriend and why am i so afraid of my vagina?! 



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    LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Hey Izzy first off welcome to the mix!

    That sounds like a struggle, one I can really empathize with, it's understandable he feels that way but it can add to the problems as you should not feel any pressure.

    I myself was diagnosed with Vaginismus quite some time back and I wonder if maybe that's something you could look into and see what you think? 
    Here's an NHS link: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/

    If you're concerned you could always see a Dr and see if they know anything :)

    Here to answer any questions feel free x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Hiya @Izzy, welcome to the mix and don’t worry about your first post <3 it can be difficult to find your way round here sometimes.

    The first time having sex can be a nerve racking thing, it certainly was for me. I’m really sorry to hear you’re having these problems with continuing pain though that sounds really awful.

    It can be embarrassing talking to your GP about this stuff but in your case it might be worth getting checked out because, while sex can be a bit uncomfortable the first time, it shouldn’t have to be like that forever. It’s an important part of a relationship and experiencing problems in that area can create strain elsewhere, so it’s definitely worth having it investigated and working with your boyfriend on this one.

    I really do hope you get this problem sorted ASAP <3 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    IzzyIzzy Posts: 2 Newbie
    @Laine @independent_
    Thank you so much for the support and understanding. I know its a difficult topic, i didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

    @Laine I took a look at that link and it sounds exactly like the issues i'm having! It has always been a fear of mine, since learning about sex, the thought of being penetrated terrified me. 

    Would you mind me asking Laine, are things better for you now? If so, did it take a long time to get better? My boyfriend is so patient, he is so so lovely but i feel so bad about making him wait. I think he's getting fed up and I feel like i'm not able to be female and its so annoying.

    @independent_ I think my only option is to see my GP. The reason i've been putting it off is incase they have to do an internal exam, anything going up there hurts so much but im not sure if it's just psychological  :'(

    i've tried myself, by using tampons but i just can't do it, i can't get them up, it hurts and feels so uncomfortable. 
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    LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    It was only a few months for me I am by no means cured, I don't use tampons still it's not really worth it.

    I understand feeling bad I felt awful and the pressure on myself made it worse, it's good he's patient I understand feeling awful for the waiting but it's not your fault it's not like you're doing it on purpose x

    Always here for you :)

    Intercourse is easier, sometimes it's just not going to happen, then we will do other things, but for the most part it works. I find regularly once I get started it's okay because the first time of not tensing makes me feel more confident with the rest.

    If it's been a while it can be harder as I almost expect it to be painful?


    It took a few months for me but I fully believe it would have been a bit quicker had I known what was wrong, I put it off for ages :)

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Whether or not it’s psychological @Izzy, it’s affecting you and your relationship so a completely valid thing. I’ve no personal experience with this specifically, but it is a lot harder to come to terms with things that could be wrong when there’s no obvious cause - I get you there.

    Might be worth explaining to your GP that your really worried about internal exams? You can ask to see a female GP if you think that’d make you more comfortable.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    chubbydumplingchubbydumpling Posts: 487 Listening Ear
    Hi @Izzy, I completely agree with @independent_ on this. It's your right to access whatever treatment you need, in whatever way would help you feel comfortable. We can experience embarrassment, frustration and discomfort when it comes to having someone examine our genitals but you have to remember that GP's have seen it all before. There's absolutely no shame in getting this checked out. Do you have a GP you can trust? 

    While we at The Mix cannot provide medical advice, I can say that I've experienced similar issues (though not to the same degree) and I've felt all the better for discussing it with my GP. The sooner you do, the sooner you can get an action plan going. If you're worried about an internal examination, try your best to advocate for yourself with the GP; let them know your symptoms as thoroughly as you can (writing down a list helps immensely!) so they understand just how painful it is. 

    I sincerely hope that you get the support you need from your GP. Good luck with everything and keep us updated on how it goes <3
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