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Feeling lost and hurt and struggling to forgive myself
hey, hope you are well
I have been having the feelings of betrayal towards myself.
So my ex used to hide things from me and lie to me (e.g. he went on holiday with his ex and friends 2 months into the relationship. And I found out 6 months into the relationship. He made it sound as if his ex wasn't even in the picture and went on holiday. He showed me all the pictures and told me all the stories just never that his ex was there too)
How do I forgive myself that I stayed with him for another 1.5 years after that?
There was obviously more things wrong with the relationship that he did but how do I forgive myself that I stayed with him?
At the time I just thought it was normal cos he normalised it... by saying ''i didn't know how much you wanted to know, I didnt know how much I was suppoed to say. But I've nwver lied to you, ive never hidden anything from you"
He broke up with me after 2 years after he victimised himself and told me I was toxic, told me I was attacking, told me I was belittling.
So I just feel so powerless now that when I had been given so many red flags during the relationship... and early on... that i couldnt break up with him...
And the insult that he broke up with me... projecting his own guilt onto me and blaming me instead...
How do I let myself off the hook for something like that. How do i get over that insult. How could I have let myself hurt even more ? How could I have done that to myself