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Mythbusters - Consent !

Tee ATee A Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
Hey Everyone ! :smiley:

Trigger Warning - Sexual Assault

Why consent is not enough

I thought I'd just throw some facts at you all about consent. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding consent. I think it's a good idea to bust these myths about consent! You may even be surprised. 

These are just some statements I have heard in my life: 

"you can't sexually assault your husband / wife. We're married so that is basically consent for life"
Yes, you can sexually assault your partner. Any form of sexual touching without the other person's consent is sexual assault. Against any person. It will always be sexual assault if there is no consent. I say "form of sexual touching" because it doesn't have to be done by the perpetrators hand. An object could be used.
E.g.: your boss touches you inappropriately with a pen at work.

"they're clearly turned on so that's consent"
Physical reactions in the body do not equate to consentA man could have an erection but if he did not give verbal consent, i.e. a clear invitation to engage in sexual activity, and the perpetrator began to engage in any form of sexual activity anyway, they would have sexually assaulted the man. The same goes for women. Vaginal fluids do not mean consent is given. An invitation does.

"we kissed so sex is defo coming next!"
No. There must be consent before the sexual act. Two people can kiss each other. That does not mean they have to have sex or that sex should be expected. If there is no consent to engage in sex, then no-one is having sex.   

I have attached the NHS website which is very detailed and has lots of contact details if you'd like to reach out to service provider. 
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/ 

Has anyone else heard any other incorrect statements surrounding consent?
I think it would be good if we challenge our family or friends etc. if they believe some of these myths. So many people don't know truth from fact which has/can lead to victim blaming. 

Stay safe yall  :3
Tagged:
LaineStarlightindependent_chubbydumplingMikeLucy307Riley

Comments

  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,733 Boards Champion
    A big one I think is "but they were down for oral"
    Consent for one sexual act doesn't mean consent for all if you both agree to fool around you still must get consent if you want to go past it and move onto a new thing that wasn't discussed :)

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
    independent_Tee AchubbydumplingMike
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,947 Boards Guru
    edited June 2020
    "but they said in school I could have sex with someone under 16 as long as I'm under 16"
    • Someone under 13 can NEVER consent
    • It's still an offense to have sex with someone who's 13-15, it's just that police are unlikely (it's not impossible) to prosecute if it's consensual and the age gap is small
    • Sexting still needs consent- and is illegal for under 18's (weird you can have sex with your partner for 2 years before you're allowed to sext them but rules is rules lol)

    I had to make this comment cos in school they straight up told us we can have sex with anyone else in school ew :joy:
    but idk tho
    independent_Past UserTee AMike
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Literally just got here
    Aidan said:
    "but they said in school I could have sex with someone under 16 as long as I'm under 16"
    I really don’t think schools should be encouraging under age sex 😟 


    LaineAidanindependent_
  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,733 Boards Champion
    Agree Liam unfortunately there's a fine line between it and it was always heavy topic on childline

    Ideally you don't want any kids under 16 engaging in sexual activity but at the same time many clinics give contraception to those who are 14 confidentially  because If they're going to do it you want them to do it safely. 

    It's a real confusing one glad @Aidan covered that and it's really bad they said you could! I believe they should still strive for waiting at that time but ensure everyone is educated on what to do if they did. :)

    Also I hear you on the sexting rules Aidan, you can have sex with another person but you cannot buy any toys to explore or send them sexual messages it is a bit odd! Lol

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
    Past Userindependent_AidanTee AMike
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,947 Boards Guru
    Liam said:
    Aidan said:
    "but they said in school I could have sex with someone under 16 as long as I'm under 16"
    I really don’t think schools should be encouraging under age sex 😟 


    I agree! Idk if it's every school but in our school they pushed the whole "sex with under 16s if youre under 16 is fine" thing in sex ed, and sex ed is fine but that isn't :joy:

    Laine said:
    Also I hear you on the sexting rules Aidan, you can have sex with another person but you cannot buy any toys to explore or send them sexual messages it is a bit odd! Lol
    It is a bit odd! But it kinda makes sense cos if you're sexting and you're under 18 you're sending someone child pornography which is a 

    big no no

    but idk tho
    Past UserTee A
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 6,133 Master Poster
    It was the same at my school @Aidan, I know so many under 16s who believed it and had sex when they were about 14. I’m glad I didn’t listen to that honestly and waited till I was 16.. It was almost as if the school encouraged it. And I agree with @Liam that a school shouldn’t really encourage that at all. 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Aidan
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Literally just got here
    edited June 2020
    Schools are messed up lool

    It has been mentioned in my school too. 

    Our sex ed was basically a female teacher telling us about what consent is and isn’t... and she ended it with so lads, keep it in yer trousers unless she verbally agrees to wanting sex.

    Nothing at all about the fact that males can also be victims. It was basically a lecture for lads on how to not be an abuser. 

    I spent a long time thinking that only females can be victims of sexual abuse and only males can be abusers... and that’s because that’s what I was taught in school.

    Consent, for any decent human is something which should be really easy to understand. There’s no ifs, buts, maybes .. consent is consent. Just respect the other persons boundaries and don’t ever just assume that they want something based on something else. If ever you’re unsure, ask them. It’s really quite simple. I’m shocked that there are so many misconceptions 😳




    LaineAidanTee Aindependent_Mike
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 487 Moderator
    Great thread @Tee A! Clearing up misconceptions about consent is super important and a conversation everyone should be having. 

    One misconception that I've come across is that consent is simply not saying "no", when actually the opposite is closer to the truth: Only a clear and enthusiastic "yes" means that consent has explicitly been given.
    Tee A
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