Mythbusters - Consent !

Hey Everyone !

Trigger Warning - Sexual Assault

Why consent is not enough

I thought I'd just throw some facts at you all about consent. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding consent. I think it's a good idea to bust these myths about consent! You may even be surprised.

These are just some statements I have heard in my life:

"you can't sexually assault your husband / wife. We're married so that is basically consent for life"
Yes, you can sexually assault your partner. Any form of sexual touching without the other person's consent is sexual assault. Against any person. It will always be sexual assault if there is no consent. I say "form of sexual touching" because it doesn't have to be done by the perpetrators hand. An object could be used.
E.g.: your boss touches you inappropriately with a pen at work.

"they're clearly turned on so that's consent"
Physical reactions in the body do not equate to consent. A man could have an erection but if he did not give verbal consent, i.e. a clear invitation to engage in sexual activity, and the perpetrator began to engage in any form of sexual activity anyway, they would have sexually assaulted the man. The same goes for women. Vaginal fluids do not mean consent is given. An invitation does.

"we kissed so sex is defo coming next!"
No. There must be consent before the sexual act. Two people can kiss each other. That does not mean they have to have sex or that sex should be expected. If there is no consent to engage in sex, then no-one is having sex.

I have attached the NHS website which is very detailed and has lots of contact details if you'd like to reach out to service provider.
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

Has anyone else heard any other incorrect statements surrounding consent?
I think it would be good if we challenge our family or friends etc. if they believe some of these myths. So many people don't know truth from fact which has/can lead to victim blaming.

Stay safe yall

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Comments

Former Member

A big one I think is "but they were down for oral"
Consent for one sexual act doesn't mean consent for all if you both agree to fool around you still must get consent if you want to go past it and move onto a new thing that wasn't discussed

Past User

Aidan said:

"but they said in school I could have sex with someone under 16 as long as I'm under 16"

I really don’t think schools should be encouraging under age sex 😟

Former Member

Agree Liam unfortunately there's a fine line between it and it was always heavy topic on childline

Ideally you don't want any kids under 16 engaging in sexual activity but at the same time many clinics give contraception to those who are 14 confidentially because If they're going to do it you want them to do it safely.

It's a real confusing one glad @Aidan covered that and it's really bad they said you could! I believe they should still strive for waiting at that time but ensure everyone is educated on what to do if they did.

Also I hear you on the sexting rules Aidan, you can have sex with another person but you cannot buy any toys to explore or send them sexual messages it is a bit odd! Lol

independent_

It was the same at my school @Aidan, I know so many under 16s who believed it and had sex when they were about 14. I’m glad I didn’t listen to that honestly and waited till I was 16.. It was almost as if the school encouraged it. And I agree with @Liam that a school shouldn’t really encourage that at all.

Past User

Schools are messed up lool

It has been mentioned in my school too.

Our sex ed was basically a female teacher telling us about what consent is and isn’t... and she ended it with so lads, keep it in yer trousers unless she verbally agrees to wanting sex.

Nothing at all about the fact that males can also be victims. It was basically a lecture for lads on how to not be an abuser.

I spent a long time thinking that only females can be victims of sexual abuse and only males can be abusers... and that’s because that’s what I was taught in school.

Consent, for any decent human is something which should be really easy to understand. There’s no ifs, buts, maybes .. consent is consent. Just respect the other persons boundaries and don’t ever just assume that they want something based on something else. If ever you’re unsure, ask them. It’s really quite simple. I’m shocked that there are so many misconceptions 😳

Former Member

Great thread @Tee A! Clearing up misconceptions about consent is super important and a conversation everyone should be having.

One misconception that I've come across is that consent is simply not saying "no", when actually the opposite is closer to the truth: Only a clear and enthusiastic "yes" means that consent has explicitly been given.