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Self harm as a result of emotional abuse
hh1998
Posts: 3 Newbie
Hi
I’m 22 and I have Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy, as a result I’m a electric wheelchair user and I require assistance from others to meet my day to day needs. I recently had a personal assistant that did everything correctly when my parents were around, however when they went away she left me after telling me I was being demanding and hard work. When she was out I had a seizure and fell, this has scared me because this happened to my friend and unfortunately he lost his life as a result. After she left, she got a job at my college and befriended the assistant that looked after me, who was also my counsellor. As a result I felt I couldn’t tell her, so I had to still come into contact with her. Once we were doing music and she put “I don’t care on” and I felt like she didn’t care what she did to me, so I started self harming because I felt like I was that used of getting of getting hurt because it was not the first time this has happened, so I might as well cause the pain myself because at least I know when to expect it. I’m now struggling to trust my new personal assistant.
Edited by moderator to remove method of self harm.
I’m 22 and I have Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy, as a result I’m a electric wheelchair user and I require assistance from others to meet my day to day needs. I recently had a personal assistant that did everything correctly when my parents were around, however when they went away she left me after telling me I was being demanding and hard work. When she was out I had a seizure and fell, this has scared me because this happened to my friend and unfortunately he lost his life as a result. After she left, she got a job at my college and befriended the assistant that looked after me, who was also my counsellor. As a result I felt I couldn’t tell her, so I had to still come into contact with her. Once we were doing music and she put “I don’t care on” and I felt like she didn’t care what she did to me, so I started self harming because I felt like I was that used of getting of getting hurt because it was not the first time this has happened, so I might as well cause the pain myself because at least I know when to expect it. I’m now struggling to trust my new personal assistant.
Edited by moderator to remove method of self harm.
Post edited by Jade09 on
1
Comments
When others have the responsibility to care of us, we expect that to be given in an appropriate and supportive way, that will meet our needs. You mentioned that once your parents weren't around the assistant didn't treat you in the best way, by saying you was demanding, which is understandably an upsetting experience that you shouldn't have to go through. I hear that this lead her to leave also.
Sorry to hear about your friend, that's tough for anyone to go through and after what happened to you with the seizure its completely understandable that you may have felt scared about it.
It's unfortunate that she gained a job at your college and became friends with your assistant and its understandable that it could have put pressure on you to not say anything. The incident where she put the song on, and it made you feel like she didn't care is understandably upsetting to you and is valid. You mentioned that this lead you to self harm, due to the feelings you mentioned. Is this something you are still currently struggling with?
In terms of your new assistant, if you have gone through what you have with your previous one it may take some time to build up trust, have you been able to talk to them about these feelings and what has happened?
Edited by moderator to remove methods of self harm.
Sorry to hear that you are struggling with self harm currently, and that you parents have also found out that you are doing it. How did they react to this? It must be difficult that your appointment with the crisis team has been cancelled, is there any other support you are receiving at the moment?
It's a really positive step that you have taken in telling your new personal assistant the whole story of what happened, how did it feel to do that? It's understandable that you may be having feelings around what occurred and I can hear that you are struggling with the fact that you was unable to say what happened to your college assistant. You mentioned that you feel like shes gotten away with it, which I can imagine is a really unsettling feeling. It may take time for you to move on, but it is possible and taking the steps you are doing to reach out for support is really contributing to that so well done!