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Confusion, dont understand.
Allie
Posts: 235 Trailblazer
Hello,
Sorry i need to post this as i dont have a release and things are building up.
A support worker told me the week just gone that im overly paranoid. I havent had my meds in a week because i wont go outside or have anybody come to my flat. Ive had sleepless nights and lost weight. Ive spoke a lot to my support worker about things, thoughts and voices over the last week. How ive had so many first names and dont know who i am and feel like someone completely different. I know someone is coming for me but i dont know who or why, i cant explain i just know. Thursday she spoke to her manager and they both agreed its best to contact the mental health team but i didnt give permission as i dont trust the mental health team or doctors. Friday she said she was going to contact my gp and they will probably contact me but because i was basically silent during the phone call she said to text her after the phone call. I text her and told her i am not speaking to the gp. She said i needed my meds and basically all the texts were me trying to explain to her that my door is staying locked and that she doesnt understand.
Last night i was on my phone reading articles, but i was struggling to read.. i couldnt just read it i was reading it but as a poem/song and struggling to get it back to just reading.. then i had flashbacks to my primary school days, things i had forgotten.. i used to do it in primary, i struggled with learning to read as a child and used to lie and skip books hoping my teacher wouldnt know, i used to have 1-1 reading with a teaching assistant which i remember when i was in year 3 or 4 because of where the classroom was. In my 1-1 reading i never used to just read the words i used to sing the sentences and remember them always saying read properly but i couldnt. I also had flashbacks of me in primary and remember that the age of 15 is not when i first started self harming.. i was a child in primary and remember how i hurt myself in different ways earliest time i can remember was when i was in year 2, i remember i was upset and self-harmed. I remember i always used to make this weird noise it was like a "hm" every few seconds for no reason and i remember the teachers saying who is making that noise. Happened multiple times.
Today i had a text off my mum while i was on the phone to someone saying "Is your phone off, your dog wasnt well last night".. i asked what was wrong with him and she said i will ring you after, that was hours ago.. the person i was on the phone to at the time ive text her and told her my mums just doing this because she wants to talk to me etc and now my friend is saying im paranoid and that my mum isnt trying to trick me..
Im getting angry very quickly and at the point where i dint want to speak to people. People anger me.
I am so confused my mind is spinning, everyone telling me im being paranoid when i know im fucking not.
Sorry rant over.
Sorry i need to post this as i dont have a release and things are building up.
A support worker told me the week just gone that im overly paranoid. I havent had my meds in a week because i wont go outside or have anybody come to my flat. Ive had sleepless nights and lost weight. Ive spoke a lot to my support worker about things, thoughts and voices over the last week. How ive had so many first names and dont know who i am and feel like someone completely different. I know someone is coming for me but i dont know who or why, i cant explain i just know. Thursday she spoke to her manager and they both agreed its best to contact the mental health team but i didnt give permission as i dont trust the mental health team or doctors. Friday she said she was going to contact my gp and they will probably contact me but because i was basically silent during the phone call she said to text her after the phone call. I text her and told her i am not speaking to the gp. She said i needed my meds and basically all the texts were me trying to explain to her that my door is staying locked and that she doesnt understand.
Last night i was on my phone reading articles, but i was struggling to read.. i couldnt just read it i was reading it but as a poem/song and struggling to get it back to just reading.. then i had flashbacks to my primary school days, things i had forgotten.. i used to do it in primary, i struggled with learning to read as a child and used to lie and skip books hoping my teacher wouldnt know, i used to have 1-1 reading with a teaching assistant which i remember when i was in year 3 or 4 because of where the classroom was. In my 1-1 reading i never used to just read the words i used to sing the sentences and remember them always saying read properly but i couldnt. I also had flashbacks of me in primary and remember that the age of 15 is not when i first started self harming.. i was a child in primary and remember how i hurt myself in different ways earliest time i can remember was when i was in year 2, i remember i was upset and self-harmed. I remember i always used to make this weird noise it was like a "hm" every few seconds for no reason and i remember the teachers saying who is making that noise. Happened multiple times.
Today i had a text off my mum while i was on the phone to someone saying "Is your phone off, your dog wasnt well last night".. i asked what was wrong with him and she said i will ring you after, that was hours ago.. the person i was on the phone to at the time ive text her and told her my mums just doing this because she wants to talk to me etc and now my friend is saying im paranoid and that my mum isnt trying to trick me..
Im getting angry very quickly and at the point where i dint want to speak to people. People anger me.
I am so confused my mind is spinning, everyone telling me im being paranoid when i know im fucking not.
Sorry rant over.
Post edited by TheMix on
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Comments
I was on chat but couldnt say anything. My phone is listening to me i see their icon pop up the only one for voice service i dont know what they want with my voice. I havent spoke to my support worker since as that was Friday she isnt in till tomorrow she said she is ringing tomorrow but im not answering my phone to calls incase its someone i dont know or they have tricked me. I havent had my meds no not in over a week, i cant go outside and not having a stranger drop then off. Someone also added me on xbox voice chat to talk, like 2 days after some person trying to connect with me on facebook, thats not coincidence. Hope you are okay xx
Have you been in contact with your support worker recently? If so, how did that chat go?