Home Health and Wellbeing

Hearing voices?!?

knownaslonerknownasloner United KingdomPosts: 48 Boards Initiate

Hey. 


This will probably sound weird but I wanted to know if anyone else is experiencing this.


Recently I’ve been hearing sounds and what might be voices in my head. A couple of weeks ago I had a really bad headache and that’s when the shouting started, which went on for about an hour or so; it’s happened a few times since.


For a few years now I’ve been untrusting of people and I strongly believe there’s no out there who isn’t out to get me. Nowadays I’m at a point that I don’t feel like bothering with anyone anymore as there’s no point getting into something that will only last a month and will overall be a huge mess. My last friendship got so intense and unstable that it made me hurt myself but I also wanted to hurt them. 


I have lots of negative thoughts about myself and others but sometimes it feels like a voice is telling me these things [eg ‘they hate you’ or ‘they don’t really care’ or ‘go kill yourself’], over and over. I’m still dealing with eating problems and when I used to get rid of the food [fortunately I don’t very much anymore], even when I tried to stop myself my mind told me that if I didn’t I would get fat and I as well as everyone else would be disgusted with me. As well as that, when people speak to me, I hear something different to what they claim they actually said or I look for a hidden meaning and I’m convinced I heard it right. Sometimes I snap at them about it and when I do they say that wasn’t what they said/meant but I don’t believe them.


I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve told my mum a bit about what’s going on and she thinks I might be hearing things that aren’t there. I’ve got a CAMHS appointment soon, do you think this something I should talk to them about?  


If any of what I’ve said here has happened or is still happening to you, I’d appreciate to know I’m not the only one and how you dealt with it.

Comments

  • AriannaArianna Posts: 75 Budding Regular
    Hey,

    I haven't had any experience with this personally but I've known some people who have so you're definitely not alone! Just wanted to send some love. Sounds like you've had a pretty rough time. But it's really good that you spoke to your mum about it and that you should hopefully be getting some support with things. This is definitely something that's worth bringing up at CAMHS, if you feel able. It'll hopefully be something they'll have experience with and they'll be able to support you. 

    Take care. With love,
    Ari.x
    knownasloner
  • HowDoYouTalkAboutItHowDoYouTalkAboutIt Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    Hi, thank you for reaching out and I hope I can be of of some help. I'm glad to hear your eating problems are getting better but I too hear a voice shouting at me I need to do better or everything is going to get worse especially if I am able to eat and I know it is hard. 

    When you get frustrated with friends and that has caused you to lose friendships and make you not want to make anymore, you say they make you want to hurt others and yourself aswell. These are most likely intrusive thoughts. They are part of OCD or a symptom per say, they are part of O or as Comenly refurd to as Pure O if you show no other symptoms of OCD. These are not something you should be scared of or worried about even though they are not nice, they are not you thinking it and will be another voice. It is definitely something to bring up in CAMHS and they should be able to talk with you about it.

    You have been brave to bring it up with your mum as a lot of people (including myself) are not able to talk about it. https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/obsessions/ here is a link to obsessions part of which is intrusive thoughts so you can read more if you wish. I obviously don't know fully what you are dealing with and I wish you all the best hope I have been of some assistance. :) 
    knownasloner
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    Hey, 
    I hallucinate and have done for a few years now. I know how scary it is, especially to talk about, so well done to opening up (both on here and to your mum!) 
    The first thing I would say is do bring it up with CAMHS- I know that’s really scary but they really are the best people to help. There are so many options, I promise. I’m now on medication which helps to dull it, but they’ve also helped me with lots of techniques to manage them. 
    There are many reasons that you may be experiencing these things: mine are due to anxiety-induced psychosis. I think the most important thing to stress is that it DOES NOT make you crazy: it’s far more common than you think. 
    I get intrusive thoughts as well, and can be quite paranoid (thinking people are ‘out to get me’ as you described) and have an eating disorder, so fully understand how they all interlink. 
    Do you feel that you hear these thoughts externally (ie. how you would hear another person talking) or in your head, so to speak? I only ask as it may help me offer a bit more advice! 
    I’ve linked voice collective here for you: http://www.voicecollective.co.uk/ they have lots of advice and support for these experiences. 

    I really want to stress that you are so much more than this; you aren’t defined by these thoughts and you aren’t crazy. I promise that there are ways to make this easier and even to stop it completely at some point. 

    I send much love and support. Do reach out to me with any questions or anything else; I’m always happy to talk (on here or on PM) and share my experiences and any advice. 
    Take care, okay? 
    Aj xxx
    knownasloner
  • knownaslonerknownasloner United KingdomPosts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @_AJ_

    Hello.
    Thank you for your reply. I will try my best to talk with CAMHS about it but my appointment is already going to be difficult as it’s probably going to be over the phone or video call [which I hate!]. I find it hard to talk about my feelings as I’ve always been belittled or sometimes made fun of so I know it will probably happen again. Or they’ll be thinking I’m crazy even if they don’t say it.

    I’ve heard some negative things about CAMHS, like how the people who go there don’t find anything any more manageable after their appointment[s], and some even get turned away. Is this true?

    As for the voices, I’m really not sure. I don’t even know if it’s just me thinking them or if it’s a voice...Sometimes it sounds like how I would hear someone else talking but I would say most often it’s talking/chanting in my head.
    I want to tell a professional about this but if I do I worry that will mean if i do get medication and it doesn’t help, people will think I lied. 

    Maybe it’s true that I’m not defined by this but I’m damaging the relationship with my one family member who is the only person I vaguely get along with. I haven’t got anyone else and my existence depends on that person. I have pretty much no control over myself, what I say or what’s in my head. I’m also constantly getting headaches as I’m being kept up at night from the ‘noise’ in my head which doesn’t help my mood. 

    I will check out the link you sent to see if that’s helpful.
    _AJ_
  • knownaslonerknownasloner United KingdomPosts: 48 Boards Initiate
    @HowDoYouTalkAboutIt

    Hello.

    Thank you for your reply. I would agree that I do get intrusive thoughts as well as whatever this voice is. I wouldn’t say I have OCD but maybe a symptom, like you said.

    I understand why it’s difficult for you to talk about it, I still find it difficult to talk about the majority of my feelings. I’ve been going to therapy for years and I still don’t trust my therapist and I don’t discuss the stuff that goes on in my head with them [which is probably why I’m more unstable now].
    It takes time to get to a place where you think you might be able to open up to someone, even if about one thing. No one can force you to be at that place, and maybe you’ll decide not to talk about it [which is 100% okay], but perhaps one day you’ll feel able to.

    I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling or what you’re going through. But I want to say that everyone is brave for different reasons, you’re bravery is getting up in the morning and carrying on even when it’s tough.

    If you ever want to have a chat about anything [and I mean literally anything], don’t shy away from replying here or sending me a pm.

    Take care x
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,589 Community Veteran
    hey :)
    I hear voices too so youre not alone .. I think it would be best to talk to camhs about it, maybe if you find it hard over the phone you could write things down you want to say as kinda a prompt?
    also in your reply you mention ocd, it is possible not to have ocd but have ocd traits which is what I have as well :)
    honestly try to use camhs as much as you can while you have the chance, theyre wayyy better than adults services so you could find them very useful :) they see this sort of stuff all the time so they wont think you're crazy :) they'll just try their best to help :)
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
    knownasloner
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    @_AJ_

    Hello.
    Thank you for your reply. I will try my best to talk with CAMHS about it but my appointment is already going to be difficult as it’s probably going to be over the phone or video call [which I hate!]. I find it hard to talk about my feelings as I’ve always been belittled or sometimes made fun of so I know it will probably happen again. Or they’ll be thinking I’m crazy even if they don’t say it.

    I’ve heard some negative things about CAMHS, like how the people who go there don’t find anything any more manageable after their appointment[s], and some even get turned away. Is this true?

    As for the voices, I’m really not sure. I don’t even know if it’s just me thinking them or if it’s a voice...Sometimes it sounds like how I would hear someone else talking but I would say most often it’s talking/chanting in my head.
    I want to tell a professional about this but if I do I worry that will mean if i do get medication and it doesn’t help, people will think I lied. 

    Maybe it’s true that I’m not defined by this but I’m damaging the relationship with my one family member who is the only person I vaguely get along with. I haven’t got anyone else and my existence depends on that person. I have pretty much no control over myself, what I say or what’s in my head. I’m also constantly getting headaches as I’m being kept up at night from the ‘noise’ in my head which doesn’t help my mood. 

    I will check out the link you sent to see if that’s helpful.
    Hey @knownasloner
    When is your appointment? I find phone calls hard too (I have suspected autism so struggle to read people a lot), but video calls can be easier for me as I can see the other person- I don't know if that would help you at all feel more comfortable? Is this your first CAMHS appt?

    I just want to reassure you that, though some people do make fun of others feelings and I am sorry this has happened to you in the past, this will not be the case with CAMHS: they have a professional duty of care and will most certainly not think you crazy. You are not alone in these experiences and they will be experienced in these situation, okay? 

    I had a mixed experience with CAMHS (I didn't get on with my psychiatrist, but both my psychologists are fantastic. One of them really pushed to get me seen by the eating disorder clinic and also to be assessed for PTSD and I am indebted to her). Everyone will have a different experience and I can't guarantee you a good one, but the most important thing is trying and saying if you don't find it helpful: they are there to help you so should listen to what you need. 

    Okay- I ask because I get a combination of the two as well, but view them very separately. What helps me most when its external is music (I joke that I must be surgically attached to my headphones); it sounds basic but can help drown it out. Are these voices and thoughts usually critical?

    I think the fact that you want to is a really good start, even if you are scared. You might not necessarily be put on medication- it is completely your choice. Do you think that is an option you would consider? Are you on any meds already? I have quite a lot of experience with medication now, so am happy to talk through it with you. They will not think you lied if it doesn't help, because meds effect everyone differently and it can take time to find the right combination of meds and therapy etc. 

    Is this your mum you are talking about? How did she react when you told her? 

    I want to reiterate that this is not your fault; you are so brave because this is really scary and overwhelming. You are not your illness (as cliche as that sounds!) and people should respect that. There is more to you than this, I promise. It can be scary to feel so out of control; have you found anything that helps you at all? I'm happy to talk through ideas of coping, or alternatively there are loads on the link I sent! I relate with the headaches and sleeplessness- what helps me most is earplugs, as well as certain sleep meditations (sounds cringe, I know) or white noise. The other thing to say is that sometimes rest is as important as sleep; if you can't sleep, do at least rest. What do you do for fun or to relax? 
    Much love, 
    AJ xx

    knownasloner
  • knownaslonerknownasloner United KingdomPosts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Hey @_AJ_

    Thank you for the suggestion of a video call. I’m glad that is helpful for you but I’m not keen on video calls. Maybe it’s because of my paranoia but I worry that someone is eavesdropping, either in the house or on the device I’m calling on. In answer to your question, yes — it is my first appointment with CAMHS since I had one many years ago when I was about five. That’s mostly the reason why I don’t want to speak over the phone as I don’t like speaking to people I don’t know at the best of times. I’d also written down the thoughts, emotions and problems I have which I’d wanted CAMHS to read [which isn’t possible now due to COVID-19]. 

    It is reassuring to know that I’m not alone in my experience. I know you’re probably right that they won’t think I’m crazy but it’s difficult to believe it. Although I hope you’re right.

    I’m really glad that some of your experiences with CAMHS have been positive, it’s good when you have someone in your corner. I had a negative experience of them when I was very young and it’s left me with the impression I’m too complex to be helped. To be honest, I think I am; not even I can explain or understand fully what’s going on. I just wondered if CAMHS is different when you’re older. I just hope, like you said, that I’m listened to because I never have been by most of the people I’ve met, in the past and nowadays.

    I also listen to music a lot and practically have them permanently in my ears. But I haven’t as much recently, for some reason I’ve lost some of my love for music (like a lot of things lol). 

    The voices I have are always negative in some way, either critical about myself or others, or telling me to do things I don’t want to do. I don’t know if it contributes to anything but a month ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend and not soon after is when the voices got really bad. I have what I would say is abandonment issues [which might be a symptom of something?] and the break up made something in me snap. I’ve noticed an extreme difference in my relationships/friendships since I was treated badly physically, emotionally and psychologically by a past “friend” I had at the beginning of my teenage years (I won’t bore you with the details). I’m just tired of being triggered by friends that aren’t really worth my time. 

    I would like medication but as I mentioned, I worry it won’t help. And if I don’t get a diagnosis I don’t think I would be given a prescription?

    My mum was confused when I told her.  When I asked for her opinion she wouldn’t give me one as she doesn’t know how to deal with it or what’s causing it. She tells me I’m not crazy and other people won’t think so either but I’m not really convinced.

    I haven’t found anything that helps me cope, I’d be open to hearing anything else that has helped you but only if you’re comfortable sharing, either here or over pm.

    Thanks again for your reply x
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    Hey @knownasloner
    Hope you're doing okay today? 
    Ah, I see. It's understandable that you may find it tricky. My first assessment with CAMHS was actually over the phone as I hadn't told my parents I was referred, so couldn't go in. I think what is really worthwhile is telling them that you may struggle; they will understand that for many, phone calls etc are very hard. Would you be able to read your list out if it was as a prompt of sorts?
    I completely understand that it must be hard having had a negative experience when you were younger; I've had many difficult relationships with drs and therapists which have made it very hard for me to trust. If you can, try to see it as a new start and hopefully a new person. I am assuming the reasons for referral are different now (?) and so you never know what may happen; as hard as it is, try to keep an open mind. 
    It sounds like you've been through a lot and I am really sorry to hear that. It sounds like there is a lot going on which could have triggered this and its understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed by these things. Hearing critical voices is really scary. What tends to help me most (I am quite a logical person) is fact checking my emotions and thoughts. I have also recently been told by my therapist to try and 'neutrally narrate' my thoughts/ voices. Essentially that means saying 'I notice that I am critically telling myself I am x'. It sounds very strange and is quite tricky, but its almost an alternative to positive self talk? 
    I'm happy to listen if you want to talk more about what happened with your friend, but its completely up to you how much you share. 
    You don't need a diagnosis necessarily to be given a prescription. I was started on my anti-depressants before I was officially diagnosed, and my anti-psychotics I take to help with the hallucinations, even though they aren't exactly sure what is the cause. It is worth mentioning if you think it would be beneficial. They may give you anti-depressants (that is what I took first for hallucinations, with the aim of reducing my anxiety to calm the voices) as they are often reluctant to prescribe anti-psychotics in those under 18 (I only started mine recently, even though I was offered a few years ago) However, if it is something you are willing to try, do ask. Happy to answer any meds questions!
    It sounds like your mum is confused, which is understandable. How do you get on with your mum usually (I only ask because I have a not fab relationship with my parents and so wouldn't want to suggest talking to your mum if that could not help)? I am glad she has at least tried to reassure you, but understand its really difficult to take to heart. 
    I will have a think and also a look through some of my therapy sheets to see if I can send you anything in particular! My main suggestion right now would be fact checking (I have learnt to read others so that I can tell if I am hearing things or if it is an actual noise), narrator and music. I am glad music seems to help a bit!
    Take care- always here!
    Much love,
    AJ xxx
    knownasloner
  • dancertoridancertori CornwallPosts: 125 The Mix Convert
    Sounds to me like you might have borderline personality disorder, I'm not a proffesional though. Definatly talk to your camhs worker.x
    knownasloner
  • knownaslonerknownasloner United KingdomPosts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Hey @_AJ_
    How you doing today?

    I think reading out my list is probably the only solution, unless I’m able to send an email to whoever is assigned to speak to me. 

    I understand completely why when you spoke to CAMHS you’re parents didn’t know. I was almost in the same position as you but I couldn’t see a way of speaking to a professional without my parents knowing as I’m not quite 16. 

    You suggested fact checking my thoughts and emotions. I’ve tried this a few times and, though it’s a good idea, I find that very difficult because I believe what the voices say. I’m a person who gets very fixed in my way of thinking and I’m not the most open-minded when my thoughts and emotions get chaotic.

    I think I will mention to CAMHS about medication but I wouldn’t have a clue about what would be beneficial. I don’t know if you’ll be able to answer but I was wondering how long someone would take medication for? And are there any negative side-effects [eg. feeling sick].

    I have a very complicated relationship with my mum. But compared to my relationship with other people, I get along with her the best. Some days we get along and can a functional conversation, some days we don’t and there’s a lot of conflict.

    Thank you for offering to look through your therapy sheets to see if you can send me anything useful, I really appreciate that. 

    I will try fact checking again, maybe if I keep practicing I’ll get to a point where it’ll get easier. x
  • knownaslonerknownasloner United KingdomPosts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Hey @dancertori

    Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is something I have thought about as being a possibility. The majority of the symptoms  I’ve read about online, I have related to. But I wouldn’t know if I could get a diagnosis or how I would be diagnosed. 
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 83 Budding Regular
    Hey @_AJ_
    How you doing today?

    I think reading out my list is probably the only solution, unless I’m able to send an email to whoever is assigned to speak to me. 

    I understand completely why when you spoke to CAMHS you’re parents didn’t know. I was almost in the same position as you but I couldn’t see a way of speaking to a professional without my parents knowing as I’m not quite 16. 

    You suggested fact checking my thoughts and emotions. I’ve tried this a few times and, though it’s a good idea, I find that very difficult because I believe what the voices say. I’m a person who gets very fixed in my way of thinking and I’m not the most open-minded when my thoughts and emotions get chaotic.

    I think I will mention to CAMHS about medication but I wouldn’t have a clue about what would be beneficial. I don’t know if you’ll be able to answer but I was wondering how long someone would take medication for? And are there any negative side-effects [eg. feeling sick].

    I have a very complicated relationship with my mum. But compared to my relationship with other people, I get along with her the best. Some days we get along and can a functional conversation, some days we don’t and there’s a lot of conflict.

    Thank you for offering to look through your therapy sheets to see if you can send me anything useful, I really appreciate that. 

    I will try fact checking again, maybe if I keep practicing I’ll get to a point where it’ll get easier. x
    Heya, 
    not too good but hey 🙃
    That sounds like a good plan- how would you feel about phoning up to ask if you can send an email in advance? Usually you send to the general team email and they forward on to the relevant person. I had to do this a few times with my therapist- I would show her something in the session and occasionally she would want a record. But it will be treated confidentially and should be easy enough to sort! 
    Ah, I understand. I went with one of my teachers because my relationship with my mum is strained and I was a few weeks off being 16, so the GP treated it confidentially. Worth saying that Camhs don’t have to tell your parents anything unless you are at serious risk to self or others and should always work with you through it; does that help at all? 
    I understand- I’m very similar and find it hard. Over time I’ve learnt to read people to see if they are hearing things too or if it is imagined. Another (albeit cheesy) technique is when you notice it to say ‘stop’ out loud. I also find that sometimes I can ‘bargain’ in a way with voices- say, for example, I will listen to you later at 7pm for 5 minutes. Then you can contain it- worth a shot? 
    You mentioned writing- is that a tool for you? If I can find it, I have a sheet that might help fact check voices- I’ll send it over if I do. 
    I’ve been on anti-depressants almost 2 years now, but only started anti-psychotics 2 months ago. It really varies how long you stay on them and it may take time to find the right ones. They do have side effects, which also vary. I don’t want to put you off them though (or anyone else who may read it) but do drop me a pm if you have specific questions? 
    Ah- I’m sorry to hear that it’s a bit up and down being your mum, I know how tough it is. Do you have anyone else in your life you can talk to? Teachers perhaps? 
    Much love- take care, 
    Aj xx
    knownasloner
  • dancertoridancertori CornwallPosts: 125 The Mix Convert
    Hey @dancertori

    Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is something I have thought about as being a possibility. The majority of the symptoms  I’ve read about online, I have related to. But I wouldn’t know if I could get a diagnosis or how I would be diagnosed. 
    talk to CAMHS about it, it was when i was with CAMHS i got diagnosed with BPD
    knownasloner
  • knownaslonerknownasloner United KingdomPosts: 48 Boards Initiate
    Hey @_AJ_
    I’m sorry to hear you’re not doing so good. How are you feeling now?

    I might phone up in advance about sending an email.

    I used to be close to one of my teachers, I pretty much only went to her when I had a problem. At one point I wanted her to take me to an appointment. But, for reasons, I don’t like her much anymore and now I don’t talk to her about anything other than school work. I’ve been very belittled about my feelings by the teachers/staff members at my school, told it’s all just because I’m a teenager and it’s not as bad as I think it is. I’ve even been told I can make and maintain healthy relationships with people my own age despite they can see I’m isolated. I got close to attempting suicide while at school but I was caught and stopped by someone. And yet that person who stopped me blatantly said I didn’t actually want to kill myself and I’m doing fine. It’s easier for them if I’m “fine”. 
    [excuse my little rant there, lol]

    Thank you for letting me know that CAMHS would keep what I say confidential. Unfortunately my mum has been very pushy and won’t let me talk to CAMHS on my own. I’ve asked if I can many times but she says no.

    Saying ‘stop’ aloud isn’t cheesy at all, I’ve tried that a few times and sometimes it works. ‘Bargaining’ with the voices isn’t something I’ve done, I will try that too.

    I write quite a lot when I’m feeling an intense emotion or going through something. It’s not like a diary, more like a list. Writing helps me remember what I was feeling at a different time so I can compare it with what I’m feeling now. (Hope that makes sense..😬)

    Thank you for staying in touch. Just wanted to let you know that if you ever want to talk about anything that you’re struggling with [or just to have a conversation to take your mind off stuff] my pms are always open to you x
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