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water

I don't know how to explain this because I don't really tell anyone these sorts of things. But for quite a while, maybe 3 years, I have had this really weird obsession with always having water on me. If I'm not carrying a water bottle or I don't know where I can quickly source a drink I feel physically sick. I always think that as long as I have access to water I won't get sick and at this point it is like an obsession.

I probably sound like a weirdo but I get the bus to school and I can't even get on it if I don't have water because even though I hate being sick and all, my worst fear would be to throw up in public. Also I have to carry a plastic bag in case I am actually sick but I never ever am, and haven't been for 5 years.

Another thing is chewing gum. Somehow I've convinced myself that if I chew it's impossible for me to be sick. So now I can't go to school without it because its comforting to know that if I'm feeling bad I can stop it. In school my friends always ask me for gum because they know I always carry it and to be honest it annoys me to give it out because I never chew it just for the sake or because it tastes nice it is basically medicine in my eyes, and if I run out I will feel anxious. I guess you could say it gives me a placebo effect. 

Water is still the main thing though. For me assemblies are the worst because you are physically trapped in from every direction with no access to a water source. If I don't have my water bottle in assembly I feel so sick and nervous. I don't know why because when I take it in with me I feel totally fine, I don't even need to sip from it because just knowing that if I needed to then I could puts me at ease.

Even though the obvious solution to my problem is just carry water, I know it isn't normal and I have never met anyone so worried/obsessed with having access to things. It sounds silly but I just feel like I have lost freedom; everywhere I go I'm quite literally weighed down by my water bottle and I always have to plan ahead in case of an emergency situation. There hasn't really been a day for years that I haven't thought about the possibility of getting sick. Also I have no mental health problem I know of that could make me feel this way. 

I don't know if anyone will understand what I'm trying to say but I thought I'd ask here anyway because it has been bothering me for a while. 

x

Comments

  • JordanJordan Moderator Posts: 344 The Mix Regular
    It sounds like you are worried about not having water on you and that it is bothering you because it is having an impact on your day-to-day life.

    You might find it helpful to read this NHS article on phobias. Some of the things you experience match up with what you'd expect someone with a phobia to have. A phobia is basically an overwhelming fear of a specific situation, object, or animal. The NHS says a phobia is worse than a fear and it develops when a person has an "exaggerated or unrealistic sense of danger about a situation or object.". 

    Some of the symptoms mentioned on the NHS page I feel line up with what you described is nausea and feelings of panic. 

    The NHS page has some options for treatment and self-help.  The NHS suggests that talking to a counsellor can be helpful for dealing with phobias.  If you don't feel comfortable or just don't want to get in touch with a counsellor the NHS also lists some self-help options.

    Let me know if you feel like this might describe you or you'd like some more information :)
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    gorilaz
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,058 Wise Owl
    Hi @gorilaz

    You did really well to explain this. You don't sound silly at all - I totally understand as I have been through something very similar before (and I too thought I was alone in this). 

    I think Jordan's suggestion of the NHS page is a great place to start. For me, I didn't recognise that what I was experiencing was a phobia, so it was a huge comfort when I put a name to it. People can experience phobias over so many different things, so I didn't feel so silly anymore - and you definitely shouldn't either :heart:
    gorilaz
  • ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 146 Helping Hand
    hey @gorilaz
    I've never heard of the fear of not having water but sickness i have? 
    Laurdiy has a video where she talks about her phobia of sickness and how she always needs to be prepared. Im not sure if it goes into tips on what helped her, but it may be useful anyway! <3
    My feelings are bigger on the inside.
     "I do what i do because it's right... and above all its KIND" - the 12th Doctor 💕
    The joy is worth the pain.

    gorilaz
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