Home Health and Wellbeing

Not heard from friend for months, help?

Hello there, My friend at school has not been in for over 2 months and I am becoming increasingly worried about him. We both have autism and have been friends since he joined last year and around 2 months ago he suddenly stopped coming in. The school know what is happening with him but obviously it is confidential so can't tell me. A few weeks ago I overheard a teacher talking about him; they said that he has not left his bedroom since he stopped coming in and is eating and drinking minimally, as of around 1 month ago he hadn't had a shower for two weeks and was also having suicidal thoughts which he has told his mum about. Obviously this has come as a huge shock to me as he has never to my knowledge done anything like this before and has always been ok, he occasionally jokes of killing himself and others but this was said and taken as a joke. I realize he could have been feeling like this for months and not told anybody which has finally gotten to him. I can't really talk to anybody at school about it as it's confidential and I wasn't supposed to know any of this anyway. He only turns his phone on every now and then as it dies easily so he therefore doesn't reply to messages. Given the fact he is quite badly mentally ill I don't think he would reply to any messages I send/phone calls I make even if he did turn it on. I don't understand what could have triggered this behaviour? The day before he stopped coming in, he was his usual self and was not showing any signs of any problems. When I came back the next day, he wasn't there and hasn't been now for months. Like I said earlier this could have been brewing for months and something finally tipped him over the edge, like putting the last mento in the coke bottle to make it explode.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you can help,

 Sincerely, Jay


  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,589 Community Veteran
    Hey Jay. 
    First of all I'm sorry to hear your friend is struggling, do you know his address? If he can't communicate through text/phone it may be worth sending him a letter to let him know you're thinking about him. Even sending him some positive things to help distract him from his thoughts. I know how tough this is, I went through something similar when I was in school, nobody could get through to her and we just had to give her some space to think.

    Just letting him know you're there and thinking about him will help 😊💖
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • ShaunieShaunie 🌸 Posts: 12,644 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix

    And welcome <3

    you sound like a really good friend and really caring. Would be very worrying for you and unexpected. 

    Do you know if he reads your texts or ever replied since leaving school?  When i was worried about someone once and they never replied and tried to find their parents on facebook and text them ah

    Also wondering how you are doing in your self? And taki care of yourself aswell ok? X
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hey @Prof

    I think @BubblesGoesBoo advice is really helpful - he might not want to talk to anyone at the moment but him just knowing that you're thinking of him and will be there when he is ready to talk might be really helpful for him <3 or possibly just asking his mum to pass on that message

  • ProfProf Posts: 3 Newbie
    Thanks for all the advice, I really appreciate it  <3 

    @BubblesGoesBoo and @Shaunie - Unfortunately I don't know his exact address so cannot send a letter. I texted him before Christmas just to ask if he was ok (I realize now that that's a stupid question *facepalm*). He read this text on Monday but has, unsurprisingly, not replied. We both suffer from anxiety so this has been a tough few months. I have recently moved house, which in its self is a stressful task, and we're having an extension built but until it is finished we cannot unpack any boxes as we don't have the space. School is stressful as this is my first year of GCSE lessons, at breaks/lunches the school is very loud and crowded so in order to get away from it I go to the special needs department of the school, find an empty room and hide from the world :joy: I used to spend most of my day with my friend and since he stopped coming in I have been feeling slightly lonely.

    @Han93 - I have since texted him to say that I hope he's ok, I don't know his mums number/email so I cannot ask her.

    Thank You all so much for helping me on this  <3

    Sincerely Jay.
  • GemmaGemma Posts: 123 Moderator
    Hey Jay

    You're a really good friend for checking up on him. I know that asking 'are you ok' can sometimes feel like a stupid question, but it's not and shows him that you care and are thinking about him. It's understandable as well that it's upsetting if your friend has read your message and not replied but if he's going through a lot then he may just need the space right now or just not be in the right place to be messaging about anything yet.

    It's important to remember though as well that while you've been great to your friend and worried about him that you also take care of yourself, especially when it's been a tough few months for you as well. It's good that you have a relaxing space for yourself at school where you can step away for a bit, I can relate to lots of people being too much sometimes!

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been lonely without your friend at school, I understand that the school can't talk to you about much due to confidentiality but could you ask them if they would be able to pass on a message or another way you could possibly contact him? 
  • ProfProf Posts: 3 Newbie
    edited January 2020
    @Gemma - I understand what you mean, he probably doesn't want to talk which is completely understandable but doesn't put my mind at rest. As I have Autism I barely sleep and when I am trying to get to sleep I tend to think about my current situation; what happened at school that day, what I'm doing tomorrow, if I need to do anything like homework etc but recently I've been thinking about him and imaging what might happen to him, when will he return what I can do other than let him know I'm there for him when he wants/needs to talk. 

    I think I'm taking care of myself but I really don't know. I'm very stressed and anxious about the things I mentioned before. The main problem is school. Lessons are very stressful so for some I get work and do it elsewhere, while this is a solution it does mean I sometimes miss work from lessons.

    Thanks all again  <3

    Sincerely Jay.
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 848 Part of The Mix Family
    edited January 2020
    Hello Jay @Prof

    I have just caught up on your thread and wanted to say what a lovely, caring friend you are :heart: I am so pleased you decided to share this with us here, as you deserve to feel supported and we are all here for you. 

    You did well to explain the things that are on your mind and that you are feeling stressed and anxious at the moment. I am just wondering what sort of support you have for these feelings - for example is there a trusted adult you can speak to, or any things you like to do to feel calm? 

    You say you are thinking a lot at the moment about what more you can do to help your friend - but truthfully, the support you are already showing will be a huge help.  Also, it's absolutely okay to talk to your teachers about your worries. You're right in that they won't be able to talk too much about confidential things, but you deserve to be supported when you are missing your friend :smile:

    Take good care Jay :heart:
Sign In or Register to comment.