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Time off

dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
in Health & Wellbeing
hello 
I’m back for some advice had some time off from here. I still have bad social anxiety and trying to work on it. Any tips and advice would be great? 
Thanks 

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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    edited October 2019
    Some nice real-life insights there @Aidan.

    What is it about social situations that makes you most anxious @dogmad20 (if there is something)?

    For me, it was always talking. So I try to go to social things that don't force conversation but allow space for it if I feel okay with chatting once I get there, like playing cards with friends and family, board games, going to the cinema, shopping, etc. Obviously if being around people is tricky for more general reasons then that sort of approach may not work.

    I would also say Aidan has a point with doing the thing that makes you scared. This can be quite frustrating to hear and personally it always makes me a bit annoyed when someone says this to me, but there is a lot of truth in it. One of the easiest ways to make something less scary is to do it often and show your brain that it's actually not that bad.

    Welcome back, by the way. :3
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Nope no treatment  apart from waiting for welfare at college to see me been referred but may be a few weeks  I do travel on the bus and go to college and work experience to help socially  and  mike thanks but I struggle mainly meeting new people and at college unsure why at college only it’s a new thing 
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    JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    How's your week at college been so far @dogmad20 ?

    It's completely natural not to understand why we struggle to do some things more so than others. I always find it so difficult to remember people's names 🙃

    It generally sounds like you would like to be meeting new people at your college, and so if that is the objective perhaps it might be beneficial to set small, manageable goals for a day/week at college... E.g. "today I want to have a conversation with someone I don't know"? Or "this week I want to make a new friend during lunch times"?

    If college is a new environment for you then maybe give yourself a bit of slack and don't feel like you have to be friends with everyone straight away 😎 we here at the Mix care about how you're doing so let us know how you're getting on when you get a chance ✌️
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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Going better they had PAT dog’s in today at college for any stressed anxious students and it calmed me down and made me smile.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Sounds like a relaxing day at college with the dogs!
    Social anxiety is really overwhelming. it good youre going to college when you still anxious. Do you feel its getting any easier? Or found anything that helps?

    something that ive recently realised is that the more i focus on myself the more anxious i become. Like if i focus on if im about to stutter i become more anxious and i try picture how im coming across to reassure myself im not looking anxious but then in reality doing this only add to my anxiety. So i try to focus on other people rather than myself. As hard as that sounds. I also focus on my physical landscape and mindfully look at things

    I dunno if youd be able to relate to that but thought ill add it. 

    Hope youre okay!
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Getting  a little easier but it’s still hard 
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey dogmad,

    It's positive that it's getting a little easier, we are here for you if you want to talk- you don't need to go through this alone :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    I  do like taking on here as need the support?
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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    There is changes coming up at college and I don’t cope  welllwith change? 
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    Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hey @dogmad20

    Did you want to talk a bit more about the changes coming up at college? Have you been able to speak to anyone at your college about how the changes might negatively effect you?

    We're all here for you and listening <3
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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    It was flexible learning now going to be flexible learning and taught classes  nope I haven’t 
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    PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 228 Trailblazer
    Hi @dogmad20 it's nice to see you around the boards again, welcome back to the forums after your break <3

    It's great to hear that you are wanting to work on your social anxiety. The Mix has a really helpful article about social anxiety and how to cope with it here, such as:
    1. Do something every day that scares you. 
    1. Rank difficult situations in order of how anxious they make you feel. Start by confronting the least scary thing on your list and work your way up.   
    1. Try to remain in a situation until your anxiety reduces by at least half. If you give yourself time for your anxiety to calm down, this should be a real confidence boost.  
    1. Try to focus on the here and now. By doing this you’ll be less focused on yourself and the way you’re acting. This is where something like mindfulness can be really helpful.

    How would you feel about speaking to a teacher or someone you trust at college about how switching to flexible learning and taught classes is making you feel anxious? They may be able to make some adjustments to your lessons and work so you feel less anxious.  

    Let us know how you get on, we're all here to support you in any way we can <3




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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Nope I will cope and I am seeing welfare weekly now 
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    dogmad20dogmad20 Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Dogs tomorrow and welfare drop in so I attend that session 
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