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Not sure if TW or what to do with this

NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 177 Helping Hand
I’m normally in touch with thoughts/feelings. I struggle with them but I’m in control of them.

I’ve had flashbacks for years a long time even when it was happening, I felt numb often to what was happening, I had to shut down to survive but I’d always bare the fear of remembering it. 

Flashbacks more ire during the night, the waking up in darkness is a big trigger because things happened when it was dark and I was alone with him. 

I heard a song from someone’s car, the words have stuck, I can even tell you what was happening at the time that song was playing to each word, I remember. But when I do my body feels like it’s paralysed on lock down, it’s a time I’m really scared to talk go into.  

Since that I’ve had flashbacks of it throughout the day I can’t count how many times because I feel detached. I have a bad feeling, I begin to remember it myself the song, and I’m back there. But I feel like a little girl again, like it’s happening, like I’m back there. But it’s like I’m watching it happen, I feel detached from it I just see myself as a little girl, I remember it more that I did, I told the police it but this is different. I can physically feel and be back there.  it doesn’t feel safe it feels out of control and I feel like a lost little girl o was then in it. 

I need to out it somewhere safe where no one can hurt, I needed someone to stop that happening to me as a little girl that needed to happen 

how many silent tears can I have until he stops I was that girl and it hurts a lot

Comments

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm so sorry Natalie. That must've been such an awful thing to go through and I can hear how much you're struggling :heart:

    The flashbacks sound very distressing. I don't really know what to say to properly express my empathy to you - just wanted to say I'm glad you feel able to talk here and I'm sending you my love :heart:
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Hey Natalie <3

    i just wanted to say you do really well to share how you're feeling here. It takes a lot of strength - as well as all the things you have been through. 

    I hope you find this place a safe place. Cause we care and wishing you all the best !
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Mia_mooMia_moo Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    Hi Natalie 🙂 It takes such courage to talk about things like this and I am sure you will find a lot of support here ❤️ Flashbacks are not nice, have you come across any ways to deal with them a bit easier at all? Like any strategies? This must be a very difficult experience for you to cope with, I hope we can help you feel less alone xxx
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling,but i'm extremely proud of you for opening up here. It sounds like the flashbacks are really troubling you at the moment and they sound really painful for you to go through. Repeating what @Mia_moo said about whether you have any strategies that help?  <3

    Butterfly x
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