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NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 177 Helping Hand
edited May 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
The world never felt so sad
I have never felt so small and lost
Can you miss feeling like you belonged to someone? Even if that someone is not a nice person?
Purpose in life but I feel so lifeless and empty
I hate the word defeat but I’m a representation of it 
I feel like a helpless child 
I can’t find the words to express, or rather I can’t say my thoughts they’re too painful for even me to feel, or bare. If I put them they become real, exposed and out there for people to see and judge
I say just how trapped I am how low for fear of losing the most important person to me.
you can’t always be honest in this world 
to keep you safe you sometimes gave to keep secrets and silence to yourself
Besides keeping secrets is something I’ve known. It’s got me to this.

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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster

    I just wanted to send a big hug. I can really hear how much you're hurting right now :(

    The world never felt so sad
    I have never felt so small and lost
    Purpose in life but I feel so lifeless and empty
    I hate the word defeat but I’m a representation of it 
    I feel like a helpless child
    It sounds like you're feeling really miserable and depressed, would you say so?

    If you want to talk some more about how this feels and what it's like for you, we're always here to support you <3

    You know I don't see you as the representation of defeat, at all. You're still breathing, you're still looking after your daughter, still opening up about how you're feeling... You're still here. And I'm glad and think you're strong (hopefully being told that doesn't make you feel worse haha).

    Can you miss feeling like you belonged to someone? Even if that someone is not a nice person?
    I believe you can, especially if that person wasn't nice or abused you, and that's a valid feeling. It could be because it's all you've known, because you feel disturbed or can't process what happened.

    I say just how trapped I am how low for fear of losing the most important person to me.

    Only if you feel like sharing, I wondered if that's your daughter, or is it different?

    I understand how you feel around saying your thoughts - we most certainly won't judge if you ever do feel up to it.

    Much love and strength <3
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    CarolineVCarolineV Posts: 133 The Mix Convert
    Hi Natalie

    It sounds like you're feeling really lost right now, but I'm glad you're able to open up to us here.
    @kathleen0172 is right, the fact that you're here and you're talking about your feelings shows how strong you are.

    Would you like to share some more about what's going on for you? We're all here to listen <3
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    NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 177 Helping Hand
    Yes Caroline, sorry I will share more later once the little one is in bed and have a bit more peace. My minds really chaotic at the moment. Hopefully I’ll make more sense later.

    thanks xx
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    NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 177 Helping Hand
    Thanks Kathleen, going to respond when I get home later to your responses, don’t want to give a rushed response because I’m not anxious

    thanks xx
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    NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 177 Helping Hand
    I feel like I’ve lost my identity. I’ve never known who I am or why I’m here. 

    Im going to be honest here and I already know I’m a complete freak. When he hurt me I felt numb/empty. But it’s all I know, it’s normal to be hurt, I’m already broken, anxious, damaged, there’s nothing that can change that now. Can a part of you want to be hurt? 

    I opened up, now I’m back in the silence, instead I don’t keep his secrets it’s out there, I keep it secret because I disgust and shame myself. I don’t want to be hurt but I don’t have it any other way.

    I wish I could be free - the words I want/need to say are there, I’m not sure what’s stopping me right now, fear of the unknown and conscious of TW 

    thanks for your words 

    Natalie 

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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited May 2019
    Hey Natalie,

    It makes sense that you feel like you've lost your identity. I'm sorry you feel like this <3

    You're not a freak, and your feelings around being hurt being all you know are understandable. Reading your reply and your first post, I wondered if because of the abuse being all you've known, you feel lost and like you don't know where you belong, and you're unsure of who you are in the world where it's no longer happening? Or would you say otherwise?

    A sense of who you are and why you're here can be an important thing in life, and I imagine not having that could make you feel lost :pensive: I can relate to this, in my own way. Sometimes thinking of the little fragments and things you know about yourself (e.g a liking to write or a caring heart) can help you rebuild your identity, have you tried that? No worries if you don't want to, it doesn't help everyone.

    It sounds like you're really struggling, sending strength your way bud <3
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    I hope you are feeling a bit better now 💗
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