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Sexual assault or over reacting?
A couple of months ago my friend was telling me about when she was sexually assulted. After the conversation I was thinking about an experience I had that seemed very similar. When I was 12 I went to hang out with a friend. She was going to her boyfriends house so I went with her. When we arrived, he had a friend there about 16 years old he said, so we were all just hanging out and watching tv. They started making out so it was a little awkward because I’ve never even kissed a boy before. He kissed me and we started making out and it was really weird(I assumed cause it was my first kiss so it was normal). After a while he started grabbing my butt and private area. I was startled of course because I was a Virgin, never had a kiss, much less been touched like that. I think he noticed how awkward it was so he kind of backed off so I assumed he was stopping. Then he tried sticking his hand down my pants and I grabbed his arm and stood up. It was a really awkward and uncomfortable situation and I didn’t want to be there so we left. I always thought of it as my fault. I ruined my first kiss experience, I shouldn’t have put myself in that position. I was raised better to know not to go to a boys house. I never thought of him doing something wrong. After that I was very careful with my firsts. I never told a boy I loved them because I wanted my first to be better, I never had sex because I wanted my first to be special because I already screwed up my first kiss. But when I heard my friends story and how similar they sounded it alarmed me. I never told anyone because I was embarrassed and assumed it was always my fault, and they would think that too. I never told him no, or stop. I kissed him back? Now, 11 years later, why would anyone think it was anything if it hasn’t effected me this whole time? I don’t feel like a victim or think about it everyday. I’m not as upset as my friend was but I also don’t let myself think about it in detail either. I explained this to my boyfriend of the past 6 years and his reaction wasn’t the best, but I don’t really know what I hoped for? After 6 years now I have this big secret? Now I really don’t want to ask anyone I know about it because it wasn’t the reaction I give to people when they tell me about these experiences. I’m really disappointed but I thought I’d ask strangers who won’t judge. Thank you.
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