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Today’s been tough...

Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
I’ve had one of them days with my depression where everything seems impossible, it took me all my energy to do the simple task of getting out of bed and my urges and thoughts have been creeping back in. I’ve been doing okay for a couple of weeks (not great but not too bad, getting on with life, thinking to the future) but I can feel myself slipping again, thinking about things that have happened, my purpose for being here today, everything. I feel so exhausted, everything aches, but I’m numb to it all now... sorry for the rant just needed to get it out x


  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi

    I'm sorry to hear how tough today has been :( It's good to rant, there's nothing to be sorry for x

    It's positive that you've not been too bad the past couple of weeks. I can imagine feeling so crap again could be a very hopeless and tiring experience. How do you feel about it?

    I really hope tomorrow's a bit better. We're all here to support you x

    Sending love and hugs,
    Kathleen <3
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    Hello @kathleen0172

    i feel upset and frustrated that I’m struggling again... it’s just one step forward two steps back if you get me x
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,519 Community Veteran
    I don't really know what to say, just wanted to send hugs. I second Kathleen, I hope tomorrow is better for you.  Do you have anything you can do that you enjoy to help distract you a bit? it's good to recognize that you're slipping, even though it's not great you canput things in place to stop you slipping even further. <3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi
    Hey Butterfly,

    It's understandable that you feel upset and frustrated about being back to struggling <3 For me, feeling somewhat better for a bit would bring hope and it'd be really nice to have that relief - and then feeling very bad again would just knock it all down. I certainly get you on one step forward, two steps back.

    I just wondered if anything made you feel okay for a couple of weeks (e.g., you've been having therapy which has been helping, or something good happened), or were you just in better spirits?

    Keep us posted, if you'd like to. Stay strong x

    Kathleen <3
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    @BubblesGoesBoo thank you, I have distractions yeah but it’s just a case of using them sometimes I don’t have the motivation to
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer

    Thanks, no I haven’t had therapy or anything that’s what’s weird I’m in the same place support wise at the moment as I have been but I’m not sure what brought me to feel better. I guess I was busy maybe? Not really sure x
  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 687 Super Moderator
    Hey butterfly23 :heart:

    How are you doing today? We are here for you, you are not alone. 

    You don't need to say sorry for posting, we care about you. 

    Have you thought about maybe speaking to you GP about what support options are available for you, just an idea, We know it's not always easy to seek support, but you deserve support. 

    Sending hugs to you :heart: 

                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" 

    - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    @Stephanie. Thank you I appreciate the support, I’ve spoke to my GP but in my area there isn’t anything for over 18s apart from IAPT and going private unfortunately so it’s quite hard x
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 175 Super Moderator
    Hey @Butterfly23

    How has today been? I hope you can tell that a lot of people care about you here and that you should not feel bad about having a bit of a "rant". It feels good to speak our mind, and sometimes we don't know what we are going to say until we've actually said it - that's one of the beautiful things about a safe space like the Mix. 

    I agree with @BubblesGoesBoo in that it is extremely healthy that you recognise you may be slipping again. Perhaps it might not be about stopping yourself slipping, or feeling powerless about being unable to stop yourself slipping in the future, but rather what protocols do you think you might be able to put in place to help your future self recover from a slip? 

    We all care about you so much, and I think a lot of us are sending virtual hugs in way of support. It's brutal to think that people go through so much by themselves. Is there anyone close to you that you are talking to about this or would feel able to talk to? 

    Sending so many strong and positive thoughts your way. Keep posting <3
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    Hello @JamJar
    thank you it means a lot, today has been a lot more difficult to be honest... there’s not really many people to talk to at all really, I’m just feeling so alone and isolated at the moment.
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi

    I'm really sad to hear yesterday was even harder for you. I can hear you're feeling bad :(   

    You said earlier how the reason you were doing okay for a couple of weeks could be that you were busy. I think that makes a lot of sense. Do you think that's because keeping busy gives you a distraction from your thoughts, or is it a bit different?

    We're here for you to talk to anytime. You're not alone.

    Sending hugs forever <3
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    @kathleen0172 yeah it gives me a distraction 
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