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"I crave touch, yet I flinch every time someone is close enough."

peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
Hey everyone :)

I was thinking about starting a new thread, but I wasn't too sure what on, until I remembered this one quote I read somewhere online. It really resonates with me personally, and I was wondering what everyone else's thoughts and experiences were on this sort of situation?

I think it's quite scary, for myself personally, because I always jump to the conclusion that I will end up isolating myself and living alone in the future, but maybe I've just never met someone who I can fully say that I love, romantically, and have the feeling be mutual. That said, I do think my thoughts are quite dramatic, I would still have my friends and family, even if I don't have a romantic partner. There is more to life than romance, I think, and I fully believe that you don't need to find your "other half" because I am not a half! I'm a full being in my own right, and I need to love and be comfortable with myself first. But that doesn't mean I don't crave cuddles. It's quite troublesome, truthfully.

I'm interested in hearing everyone's replies :)

-peachysoo
Buttercup8

Comments

  • FranFran Posts: 118 Boards Initiate
    Hey @peachysoo,
    I really like your idea!!
    Actually I agree with you on this. I think that talking about halves can give a wrong perception about how things actually go. I believe that a person has to feel "complete" before finding a partner, otherwise relationships can become complicated and people may struggle to find their real self.
    Being at ease with who you are is essential to start a sane relationship. Of course when two people become a couple, they inevitably change and adapt to one another, but in order for this process to be as sane as possible it is important that they are ok with who they are.

    - Fran
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 964 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @peachysoo,

    Great quote, actually really resonates with me too in quite a literal way. I went through a bad experience about 5 years ago when a guy 'friend' tried taking advantage of me. Since then, I do find myself physically flinching when guys try to get close to me, which is a shame. I'm a very loving & touchy person so this is a real contradiction against my personality, but something I can't quite control (yet).

    Think this will resonate with quite a few of us here that have been through similar.

    Thanks for sharing :rainbow:

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,217 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Think a lot of people can relate to this. Quite a grey confusing error. But supose everyone craves human affection - just we are wary and not trusting sometimes. Think its someone else presents & warth that can feel comforting. And we all feel the need to be less alone and stuff

    But i also agree and think its best not to think of things as “finding other half” as i feel that thought process can make us feel more alone. i think sometimes we are trying to find “other half” and love to escape from ourselves. And that we dont need to be loved or touched by someone special to be happy or realise our self worth. And i know sometimes people can get to points where they feel the constant need to be touch and shown affection but have to learn to be alone too. And have to love yourself no matter how been treated or what people think of you. And would be maybe easier for relatonships ect
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    I relate to this quote a lot! i went through a trauma a few years ago and found it quite literally impossible to get close to someone emotionally, i just feel like their all out to hurt me. i agree about the whole being whole on your own thing, i think it's important to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else, or things can get messy.
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • PuffinEthicsPuffinEthics Posts: 74 Moderator
    Hi @peachysoo

    What a lovely thing to say, we all are full beings, you are so right! There's lots of pressure in life to find a partner to be a vital part of that, so many books, tv, film, etc is all about searching for love, so its so important that you've shared that you feel like this.

    I've relied on relationships often in my life to make me feel worth something, and that's created problems for me down the line, and having to work that out while in a serious relationship with someone is much harder than if I'd just done it on my own.

    You can do everything at your own pace, and not being in physical relationships with people now, doesn't mean you won't ever be if thats eventually what you want.
    People change, life changes, everything changes, it sounds like you know yourself and what you're comfortable with, and thats a really positive position to be in.

    There's nothing to say you won't find someone who feels the same, and just wants a cuddle every now and again.
    How are you feeling now you've heard some people here at the mix feel the same?

    Thanks for sharing everyone,

    PuffinEthics :rainbow2:
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Fran wrote: »
    Hey @peachysoo,
    I really like your idea!!
    Actually I agree with you on this. I think that talking about halves can give a wrong perception about how things actually go. I believe that a person has to feel "complete" before finding a partner, otherwise relationships can become complicated and people may struggle to find their real self.
    Being at ease with who you are is essential to start a sane relationship. Of course when two people become a couple, they inevitably change and adapt to one another, but in order for this process to be as sane as possible it is important that they are ok with who they are.

    - Fran
    Hey Fran,
    Thank you!! I also completely agree that it could lead to complications later on if you're not fully okay with yourself in a relationship, but it's also inevitable that both will change and grow around each other.

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hey @peachysoo,

    Great quote, actually really resonates with me too in quite a literal way. I went through a bad experience about 5 years ago when a guy 'friend' tried taking advantage of me. Since then, I do find myself physically flinching when guys try to get close to me, which is a shame. I'm a very loving & touchy person so this is a real contradiction against my personality, but something I can't quite control (yet).

    Think this will resonate with quite a few of us here that have been through similar.

    Thanks for sharing :rainbow:

    - Lucy
    Hey Lucy,

    I'm sorry to hear about your horrible experience, it must feel quite disorienting when there's such a contradiction with how you know you are personally :( but I'm glad that you recognise that you're strong and brave enough to be able to control it, even if it's not the case just yet!

    I hope that anyone that has went through similar things can find some sort of reassurance in knowing you're not alone :heart:

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Think a lot of people can relate to this. Quite a grey confusing error. But supose everyone craves human affection - just we are wary and not trusting sometimes. Think its someone else presents & warth that can feel comforting. And we all feel the need to be less alone and stuff

    But i also agree and think its best not to think of things as “finding other half” as i feel that thought process can make us feel more alone. i think sometimes we are trying to find “other half” and love to escape from ourselves. And that we dont need to be loved or touched by someone special to be happy or realise our self worth. And i know sometimes people can get to points where they feel the constant need to be touch and shown affection but have to learn to be alone too. And have to love yourself no matter how been treated or what people think of you. And would be maybe easier for relatonships ect
    Hey Shaunie,
    Yeah, I agree about being wary and distrusting at the same time as naturally wanting the comforting warmth of someone else, as well as maybe being not so happy with ourselves, or our situation, and trying to find someone else as an escape from these things, when, in reality, this might just aggravate things further down the line instead.

    Perhaps the best solution is to learn to love yourself, but it's quite tough :(

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    I relate to this quote a lot! i went through a trauma a few years ago and found it quite literally impossible to get close to someone emotionally, i just feel like their all out to hurt me. i agree about the whole being whole on your own thing, i think it's important to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else, or things can get messy.
    Hey BubblesGoesBoo,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, but I hope you can feel some sort of comfort in knowing you're not alone and you have people very willing to support you the best they can here at the very least.

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Hi @peachysoo

    What a lovely thing to say, we all are full beings, you are so right! There's lots of pressure in life to find a partner to be a vital part of that, so many books, tv, film, etc is all about searching for love, so its so important that you've shared that you feel like this.

    I've relied on relationships often in my life to make me feel worth something, and that's created problems for me down the line, and having to work that out while in a serious relationship with someone is much harder than if I'd just done it on my own.

    You can do everything at your own pace, and not being in physical relationships with people now, doesn't mean you won't ever be if thats eventually what you want.
    People change, life changes, everything changes, it sounds like you know yourself and what you're comfortable with, and thats a really positive position to be in.

    There's nothing to say you won't find someone who feels the same, and just wants a cuddle every now and again.
    How are you feeling now you've heard some people here at the mix feel the same?

    Thanks for sharing everyone,

    PuffinEthics :rainbow2:
    Hey PuffinEthics,

    Thank you! I think it can be quite easy to have our perceptions quite warped because of how media and books portray love, like our expectations of what a relationship should be like, or maybe how we should prioritise finding someone before loving ourselves (maybe this is a bit of a stretch but I think it's still a possibility).

    I'm really sorry to hear you've felt you've needed to be in a relationship for you to feel self-worth; I think I can somewhat personally relate to your feelings with this. It must have been really tough to realise your feelings while in a serious relationship.

    It's really nice to hear that reminder that you can do things at your own pace. I think that's something quite easily forgotten, when everyone around you seem to be so far ahead with you in their own experiences, so you feel some sort of indirect peer pressure to push yourself too, to fit in for example. Don't want to be left behind. But it is also important to remember that you don't owe anyone anything, you don't need to change yourself to fit the mould, you don't need to push yourself through things you're not ready for yet. You're important and, like you said, everything changes. Even if the situation you're in at this point in time isn't so great, it won't always be like this.

    I think it's really nice knowing there's a community here that have undergone similar experiences and feel the same. It's like a safe place where you can talk to people and get support from those who personally just... get it. And that's one of the most comforting and important things, I think, you could get if you have ever gone through something traumatic - somewhere with some people who want to help you, but understand where the boundaries are.

    -peachysoo
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