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I’m in a rough situation about sex

Katielacky16Katielacky16 Posts: 2 Literally just got here
Hey so I’m 14 and I have a boyfriend who is 16, we have been together for a little while and we have done everything besides sex such as oral and all of the above. I think I’m ready to have sex but there is two things holding me back. 1st of all my parents threatened to take me in and get me checked to see if I’m still a virgin. Can they do that? And second of all I’m worried about getting pregnant and I want to take contraceptives but have no way of taking them so what should I do if I’m too scared to talk to my parents about it cause they are VERY non understanding and they will take me away from my boyfriend if I am sexually active with them which I don’t want to ever happen


  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Hello and welcome to the boards. I hope you will stay and get further help as time goes on. The Mix is a registered charity and has a most awesome collection of self-help articles, and I urge you to get reading some of the subjects here under Sex & Relationships: http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships <all 32 pages of awesomeness! :thumb:

    The first thing I must tell you is that the age of consent for sexual activity in the UK is 16, so if you live in this country and are under 16, then you and your boyfriend are breaking the law. That said, if someone had told my boyfriend and I that the intimacy we were doing several years ago was illegal, then I may never have become pregnant. However, my situation was different and personal, so if you intend pursuing intercourse, then buying condoms is essential to avoid pregnancy. Your boyfriend should be able to buy condoms, they don't cost a fortune and he may be able to obtain them through his doctor's surgery's family planning section. Never have unprotected sex.

    Your parents are quite within their right to have you medically examined to determine your virginity. My immediate impression is they very definitely do not want you embarking on sex, and are absolutely within their right to stop your boyfriend from seeing you. Listen, Katie - I'm not deliberately being unpleasant - I'm just telling you how it is. You say your parents 'are VERY non understanding' - but honestly, have you ever stopped to listen about their anxieties and why they don't want you having sex so young? The fact is, your parents actually care for you very much and they worry lots because you won't listen to them. They may come across as hard, unreasoning and an awful lot of blah, but they have their standards be they religious or whatever - they are being like this to protect you.

    Wishing you all the best and happy Easter (if you celebrate it),

    ~Belle :wave:

    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 971 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey Katielacky16,

    Sorry to hear you're in a bit of a difficult situation! There is a great article here http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/virginity/am-i-ready-for-sex-3341.html to help you determine if you are ready for sex and also has some useful links including the different methods of contraception you can use. You can get these freely from sexual health clinics if you have one nearby.

    Of course there are laws in place but it's a personal choice for when you feel you are ready. As for the medical exam to check if you are still a virgin, I'm not a medical expert but all kinds of factors can lead to your hymen breaking, not just sex, so I wouldn't be too concerned about that. Your parents obviously have your best interests at heart but I don't think that means they need to know every detail of your life - even when you get older it can still be uncomfortable to have conversations about sex with your parents. I personally avoid it like the plague!

    Hope that helps a little *hug* how are you feeling about it?

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hey @Katoelacky16,

    First of all, if you feel ready then that's what matters. You do say that you "think" you feel ready so I would say it's best to be sure about this. You don't want to rush into it, only to realise afterwards that you weren't.

    Second of all, if your parents try to take you for an examination, the doctor will probably tell them they can't prove anything one way or the other because as Lucy says, there are lots of other ways the hymen can break (e.g. tampons, horseriding, gymnastics, etc).

    In terms of contraceptives, I would definitely recommend you take them if you do decide you're ready to have sex. You don't have to talk to your parents about it, there are lots of places that offer advice about contraceptives. The easiest and safest method would be to use condoms but if you don't want to do that, then you can always visit your local sexual health clinic and ask for something different. They are all completely confidential and the people who work there are genuinely really nice and helpful - I remember when I first went I was really nervous because I thought they'd judge me because I was young and looked even younger than my age, but not a single person was judgmental and they gave me so much good advice!

    Hope that helps :)

  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,767 Account Deactivated
    This must be very difficult for you especially as you love each other.

    Your parents are really just trying to protect you as under 16 it is illegal and they don't want you to end up pregnant and alone.

    If you are adamant about underage sex then you definitely need to do it right.

    Definitely get him to buy condoms to protect yourself from STIs, they can double as a form of contraception however if they're not good enough for you (if you don't like the failure rate) you can get put on more reliable forms of contraception such as the pill, implant or injection ect.

    Your parents don't need to know about this and you can go to your GP or a sexual health clinic and get whatever form of contraception you like, provided you are mature enough and understand the information given they will not tell your parents and pills or the implant is easy to hide.

    Most importantly, make sure you are ready and trust him, you won't enjoy intercourse if you're scared or if he doesn't really care.

    Use plenty of lube and take it slow if you're absolutely certain and most importantly,
    Be careful.
    Sex should be fun and have consent from both parties, even if consent changes halfway through you should still stop x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
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