Goodbye Relationships: Mandy Comes First

MirabelleMirabelle Owl WhispererKensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
Mandy has been in my care for a long time, and I have always told my girlfriends that her care takes priority. One by one they agreed at the time, so nothing was held back by me. Mandy never responded well to our mother, who died last Christmas. She never got on with our guardian, but she always came to me, and came to me for anything.

The number of times I've soothed Mandy on my lap, drying her tears away, hugging her, and reassuring her that everything would be okay (and it's always good to cry!), and that she can be strong when with me. It has taken 7 months to get Mandy to open up.

And then my latest girlfriend got jealous of Mandy and worse, this afternoon was nasty and threatening to her. That was the last straw! This evening I said goodbye to our relationship because there is no way I'm ever giving up on my sweet Mandy. I will not tolerate jealousy in any relationship - what did my girlfriend know anyway?

Technically Mandy isn't blood-related to me. I just happened to be adopted by her family, but have always watched over her and she is getting much stronger now. More so than ever before. Mandy hasn't self-injured in what must be two months now. I'm so proud, I told her. :) While anuty looked on smiling, Mandy lovingly put her arms around me. She looked so happy, so content now I have stopped my relationship with that girl. We do most things: owling, busking, skateboarding together, fishing - cooking. She and I share each other's hobbies, we love sharing our music, too. She composes lyrics with a guitar I gave her. Mandy is so musically talented, yet fragile so it's not been an easy time. But we are close and I love her dependency on me because I am guiding her; I am strong for her.

My guardian aunt, the new one, said that when Mandy and I became 18, if we wanted and the time was right, then our relationship could become deeper. My guardian knows the law, but I said the most important thing of all is seeing Mandy well again, and whatever sacrifice that took, I will be with her though she cannot be left alone, not yet.

Be assured though I am doing self-care as previously explained on Aife's very good topic, and being mindful that Mandy self-cares, too and shares a lot of it with me.

http://www.themix.org.uk/community/f...-is-struggling

So as of tonight, relationships are taking a back seat. I have no regrets.:rainbow2:
'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

- Howard Gardner

Comments

  • FranFran Posts: 118 The Mix convert
    Hey @Mirabelle,
    Mandy is really lucky to have you in her life!!
    I also want to say that I'm really happy that your aunt Fiona will adopt you!! After all you went through it's good to know that good things are happening!!
    It's nice of hers to say that, when you both are 18, you'll be able to freely decide what kind of relationship to have!!

    Take Care!! :heart:

    - Fran
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 623 Extreme Poster
    Hey Mirabelle

    As Fran said, Mandy is very lucky to have you, it sounds like you have a very special relationship and good on you for putting her first :)

    Very important to self care too so I'm glad you are both doing that. Well done for looking after yourself, and thanks for sharing :heart:

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi @Fran[/USER] and [USER="99408"]Lucy307

    I am so grateful for your encouragements and our living with a new aunt taking care of both of us means Mandy and I are having a more meaningful family relationship - and being listened to. Our aunty Fiona makes time for the both of us, and singly and because of this we will never feel badly neglected again. This enables me to spend more quality time with Mandy, building her up, but also enabling me to enjoy self-care more often. This Easter weekend has been wonderful.

    The difference in Mandy compared to months ago is remarkable. She fairly bounces along, so much so that this weekend was nicknamed Tigger. Hahaa! It suits her so well! :d Seriously though, I am very grateful for your support and the support from other volunteers and staff. This means a lot to me.

    Wishing you both all the best, and have a super week!

    ~Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 The Mix convert
    Hi Belle,

    Its great to here that you are able to take care of Mandy which it sounds like you do really well and that you really care about her. I am pleased that your aunty is looking after you and that you have a good relationship with her.

    Well done for still making sure that you have time for self-care for yourself this is often something which we can forget when helping others, but it is the most important part so that we can make sure that we are ok.

    Hope your all ok.
    Rayofhope:rainbow::rainbow2:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi @Rayofhope

    Mandy and I went to Monaco last week and did a couple of concerts in this beautiful mini city-state, and yesterday were invited back to a very posh night club venue where with our band, performed an extended and exhausting 5 hour set. Though we were handsomely paid well for the extra time with our six-member band, neither of us can sleep. Its always the same when gigging at night clubs and dance venues. Some good news though: we have a personal trainer! She is very highly qualified and been helping us set about concentrating on the emotional aspects including the spiritual in addition to setting us much better exercise routines. So my self-care afterwards has been doing the history degree course which has been spanned out nicely so we can perform as musicians, yet can return to our studies in-between concerts.

    Mandy and I are very close, happy and love being together and more so since our guardians have released us from family restrictions so we can spread our wings and enjoy life more. This warmer sunnier weather has much reduced those terrible aches and pains the juvenile rheumatoid arthritis has caused, and now with summer on the way we have a whole bunch of concerts my agent has set us up with, and all through May we'll be performing back in Italy, France, Spain and there is a poss we'll be going to the USA sometime in July. Nothing as yet planned.

    Mandy wears my ring; I wear her's. We are, I am delighted to tell you, engaged and feel so peaceful about it. She has been building herself up, and me of myself and together we also self-care, this being also a variety of activities including sea fishing, and bringing home our catch of whatever the mediterranean puts in our drag nets. Other times we stop to visit a church and meditate/ pray. We love the spiritual aspect, not just the physical aspect of self-care that broadens into massage or reading, or sewing (I love cross stitch!) or Mandy beading or making gold/abalone bangles and necklaces which has become a thriving little business that is both online and among those who know her. Our olde r aunt is being so caring. She loves us being together and committed that honestly I can say we have been happier and more at peace inside.

    Thank you for reaching out to me again. It's so appreciated. :thumb:

    ~ Belle :rainbow2:
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • FranFran Posts: 118 The Mix convert
    Hey @Mirabelle!! Congratulations for your engagement!! It's such a good news :love::love:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Noob
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hey Mirabelle

    As Fran said, Mandy is very lucky to have you, it sounds like you have a very special relationship and good on you for putting her first :)

    Very important to self care too so I'm glad you are both doing that. Well done for looking after yourself, and thanks for sharing :heart:

    - Lucy

    Hey Lucy,

    It's very sweet what you and many other helpers have said about me, and I have always stressed how important self care should be. My form of self care is grubbing around under the bonnet of some old car. Restoring old cars has always been a passion, and all of them increase in value year by year. For many months I've been restoring a 1983 Citroen 2CV Dolly to its original best, its paintwork is cream and dark crimson and it's nearly ready for the road! Since I passed my drivers' test only last week, it's exciting we can get on the road and with the old French beauty worth more than £16,000 .....and I have 5 other Citroens in various states or restoration, plus an earlier version of Alpha Romeo's splendid Alpha Spider in 'Marlbro Orange' coachwork. Once restored it will be worth a lot of money.

    Whereas Belle self cares doing her tudor history degree course which keeps her happy and relaxed, all part of looking after herself. She is strong, but then both of us are.

    We share everything. Sometimes we bicker, but as Belle's signature says, 'Love is no fun / without bickering' :d I love her. I have always loved and looked up to her ever since like 10 years ago? That is how much I have looked to her for so many thing including eating disorder and SI which Belle has helped me well away from.

    Our aunt Fiona though is being a bit of a pain as she's unused to older children, has toddlers herself so she walks around in a daze thats typical of mothers, haha. Our aunt is not being as helpful as expected, but as you have said, once we become 18 then we can choose to walk our own path.

    Just recentlyBelle has been suffering more unhappy anniversaries, and today we have come home to East Dean after a long concert yesterday in Spain, so this coming week I can look after her - then we return to concerts next weekend.

    Being engaged is exciting though we have yet to set a date. We will when the time feels right. Because it's important we agree to be feeling good, and settled because marriage is a big step and not to be taken lightly.

    In finishing, I joined The Mix forum to be here for Belle and keep her company. She needs me here to watch over her and give guidance. Thank you and @Fran[/USER] and [USER="96422"]Rayofhope[/USER] for your ongoing support. Because it really means a lot to both of us, and without you we may have been in a far worse state. Your guidance and encouragement has been terrific and I am lost for words also for [USER="95712"]Aife in her support to my beautiful girl, Belle.

    Lots of love,

    Mandy
    I'm driven by self doubt.
  • FranFran Posts: 118 The Mix convert
    Hi @Floxy!!
    It's so nice to finally meet you Mandy!!
    How sweet you are, you made my day with what you have just posted!
    I wish you two all the happiness in the world!!
    Welcome to the board :heart:

    - Fran
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Noob
    Fran wrote: »
    Hi @Floxy!!
    It's so nice to finally meet you Mandy!!
    How sweet you are, you made my day with what you have just posted!
    I wish you two all the happiness in the world!!
    Welcome to the board :heart:

    - Fran

    Aww thank you @Fran :) And again, thank you for your support to Belle when I wasn't here.

    What's your little doggy's name? It cooks so cute that I want to hug it, gooo :blush:
    I'm driven by self doubt.
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Fran wrote: »
    Hey @Mirabelle!! Congratulations for your engagement!! It's such a good news :love::love:

    Thank you, @Fran. It's such a great feeling when our entire family say we always were meant for each other. For the older ones to give us their blessing means so much.

    All the best,

    Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
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