If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
He asked me for consent after having sex
OliveTree
Posts: 2 Newbie
I started seeing a guy in July last year and we had sex for the first time a month later, in August.
On the night we first had sex, I knew I wanted to have sex with him and he made the first move so I was sure that he wanted to have sex with me.
Then 2 months after, he asked me whether I actually wanted to have sex with him that night in August. He said that he wasn't sure because I didn't give him a clear yes or no. I told him that I did want to have sex with him. I was shocked that he would wait 2 months to ask me this. If he wasn't sure whether I wanted to have sex with him, he could have asked me that night. I thought I made it clear that I wanted him, by kissing and touching him.
My issue is that as he was unsure of my consent he should have stopped in the moment to ask me instead of continuing.
What if I had said no when he had asked me 2 months after?
I feel hurt. I'm questioning whether he respects me and thinking about all of this is preventing me from being more open and enthusiastic with him.
I would really appreciate advice on what to do in my situation. I've been thinking about it on and off ever since he asked me.
And I would appreciate seeing this from another perspective. Am I dealing with a guy with low self-esteem or a guy who doesn't respect me?
Many thanks.
On the night we first had sex, I knew I wanted to have sex with him and he made the first move so I was sure that he wanted to have sex with me.
Then 2 months after, he asked me whether I actually wanted to have sex with him that night in August. He said that he wasn't sure because I didn't give him a clear yes or no. I told him that I did want to have sex with him. I was shocked that he would wait 2 months to ask me this. If he wasn't sure whether I wanted to have sex with him, he could have asked me that night. I thought I made it clear that I wanted him, by kissing and touching him.
My issue is that as he was unsure of my consent he should have stopped in the moment to ask me instead of continuing.
What if I had said no when he had asked me 2 months after?
I feel hurt. I'm questioning whether he respects me and thinking about all of this is preventing me from being more open and enthusiastic with him.
I would really appreciate advice on what to do in my situation. I've been thinking about it on and off ever since he asked me.
And I would appreciate seeing this from another perspective. Am I dealing with a guy with low self-esteem or a guy who doesn't respect me?
Many thanks.
0
Comments
This has been resolved now. I asked the questions in another forum. It's a non-issue. I believe I've been overthinking the whole thing and my hurt is misguided. He did nothing wrong and was just being his sensitive self. Time to move on.
It's good to know it's ok now!! It's absolutely normal to overthink a little bit, so there's nothing to worry about!
It's absolutely great of yours reaching out for advice in forums, as asking for someone else's opinion is particularly helpful to realize whether you had better do something or just see things from a different perspective!
Take care,
- Fran