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Drowning in depression

Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
Hi all,

I am crap at writing about how i feel so i am sorry. I had counselling yesterday where i spoke about the ongoing emotional abuse from my parents and the impact/ ongoing investigation of the police of the guy that tried to assault me 3 years ago and how it impacts me to this day.

I am feeling really lost, upset, frustrated about everything and it honestly feels like things will never get better and my parents don't seem to care at all, i feel like i at a constant battle with my suicidal thoughts and struggles with my gender identity. It feels like everything is taking me down and i try to act strong but im really not, im living a lie, behind this mask is a girl who see's suicide as an option, crying out for help, upset and just completely lost but i struggle to be vulnerable out of fear of someone hurting me and i live in fear that they guy will try and assault me again even though i have a restraining order against him for the past 3 years.

Everything is a mess, im a mess, i feel like a burden and that im not and never ever will be good enough. I am just a horrible person with nothing to give to the world.
''You were in the wilderness
Looking for your own purpose
Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
I knew you always would''

- James Arthur (YOU)

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 7,244 Master Poster
    Hiya @Jess101 ,

    I'm sorry hear you're not doing so good. You've written and explained this very well. No one can be strong all the time and it's ok to get the support. So well done!

    How did counselling go the other day? Have you found it helpful?

    As you probably know I'm no good at giving advice but, sending you *hugs*, always here if you want someone to listen!!

    Take care,
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • RileyRiley Posts: 814 Super Moderator
    Hey there Jess.

    First of all you did a great job explaining yourself so no need to worry about that. It definitely sounds like you've been having a rough time and I'm sorry you've had to go through so much. Bottling up your emotions like that can be very dangerous so it's good that you're talking on here and to your counsellor about it all, is there anyone else in your life you can safely open up to about how you're feeling? There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.

    I hope things start looking up for you really soon.

    - Riley
  • Georgia2803Georgia2803 Noob Posts: 1
    my childhood has been rubbish i have cerebral palsy and a fibromatosis which a tumour on my leg. My mum and step dad are always speaking to me like im a peice of s**** they have trod in, They always call me fat, useless, waist of a life, im never going to amount to anything. They say to me that im a attention seeker and that my pain in my leg is nothing and that im over exaggerating, so they make me do more chores.
    I used to see pain management and saw a counsellor there but i got discharged, i am seeing them again but im scared about telling them how i feel because they write everything in a letter and that gets sent to my home address and to the GP,
    Its making me feel so low because i did tell someone in school and they got a social worker involved but my mum told them a pack of lies saying that i was a attention seeker and i was making it up, and told me to tell them i was making up.

    I can't really move out because of my disabilities so can't work enough to actually be able to keep a roof above my head,
  • nish215nish215 Posts: 64 Moderator
    Hi Jacob!

    Wish I could've seen this sooner, how are you feeling right now? It's sounds like you've been going through a rough patch but I hope things have started getting better for you :)

    We're always here to talk :)

    -Nish
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