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How to cope with dates of trauma. ?

SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Maybe possible trigger warning..

Not sure anyone knows how to cope on dates of abuse/ trauma every year, but anyway im really struggling. On friday, Saturday and sunday are the dates 4 years ago of abuse. I know some will read this thinking it is only dates but those dates were quite important at the time. And was made to do dirty sexual acts for 3 days and i mean i hate the whole of January cause the abuser told me if i didnt agree to this sexual act he would force me to do it in the new year as some sort of resolution, it wasnt on new years day but i still find it all so triggering just feel the same fear of something bad is going to happen again.

I feel dirty with myself all the time. But seem to feel it more, the more gets closer to the dates. Where i just feel so so so dirty i get so agitated trying to find ways to be clean, like purging and showering so much, but still feeling like actual dirt on me and my skin. And it is so horrible and makes me want to die cause i cant stand being in my own body and skin knowing where it has been and what have done.

I would like to think that one day the dates would mean something different and postive other than suriving & trying not to kill myself but dont see how feeling this low and feel like abuser is winning .

😭😭😭😭i literally can't cope with so much self hate.Fml
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

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    One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 599 Incredible Poster
    Hey I totally understand I had a bad experience back in 2011 and while I’ve come to understand it was all due to a miss understanding (I am not making excuses for what happened) it did have a nasty feel to it. It’s strange how days can have meaning and trigger thoughts/feelings.

    Do you think that you could give these days a new meaning? For example it could be on these days that you go on a shopping trip, go to a certain place such as camping or a couple of days away somewhere. I know it will be hard at first but eventually it might help to take the negativity out of those few days.

    For me these thoughts lasted on this particular day for a couple of years meaning (3 times) but eventually as I worked through it with someone I managed to change these feelings for “I am here today, I am strong and it’s just a memory.”

    Like I say have a think about some of your favourite things to do and do these every year on these days it might be able to help you connect these days with something positive rather than something negative.
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Oh god I would really like to know how to deal with dates of trauma too. I hate hate hate Monday nights because that was the day of the week it happened but I guess 13th of July is a trigger too because that was the Month, Same as you Shaunie I would like to one day think the dates mean something different. I am sorry that you are struggling with dates too😔 its so so hard
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Shaunie,

    Reading your post, it's really clear how intensely difficult this is for you. :( It sounds like you're trying really hard to 'unshackle' yourself from what happened, but you keep being pulled back by those memories and horrible associations?

    Although I don't have any lived experience to share, I just wanted to say I agree with what OIAM has said here. Days that carry such negative memories and feeling for us can be hard to get through, but working on giving them 'new meaning' rather than trying to white knuckle it every time can really help in the long term.

    These things are never easy of course, and you might never completely overwrite those memories, but it might be good to think about what new and positive things you could associate with those days. And remember, that person and those memories don't have to hold any power over you. :) (I don't know how helpful that is to hear, but thought it was worth throwing in)

    Have you ever had any professional support for dealing with what happened? Counselling can be a really powerful tool when it comes to opening ourselves up to making life changes and healing like this.

    Look after yourself, and keep us posted. *hug*
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you OIAM, Lost sense & Mike
    For your understanding & comments.

    im glad you see it in that view now OIAM! Amd like 'am here today, iam strong and just a memory"
    i also try to remind myself of the quotes i have in my sinature on here. As well as remebering recovery from trauam will be hard but not as hard as what already been through.
    Lostsense do really hope you will also one day be able to cope with the dates too


    When i was at minds sanctuary few weeks ago. I spoke to someone for a few hours and she also told me that one day i would be able to find a new meaning and do something i enjoy. But said this year am struggling too much so just need to focus on staying alive and safe. But id think doing somethint id enjoy would help. But then she offered me place to go to minds sanctuary on Friday, Saturday and Sunday for 6pm to 1am. But said i dont have to speak about it or speak at all and could just sleep but stay somewhere safe. But i feel like that is so much of their time in such a short space and would feel bad. I have been to that place only twice. I found it so so helpful cause such lovey people there but felt like i was using time someone else could of had. But idk how else id cope but dont wanna use so much time. But then this time last year i got sectioned for similar reasons and dont want the same.

    I havent had professional help with wha has happened. I mean i had help from NSPCC but that was more on how to prevent abuse again cause i was seen a very vulnerable😒so didnthelp that much with how i felt.
    But the person in Minds sanctuary said it would be good to wait for my DBT for BPD and then after to go find long term counselling for what been through and she gave me leaflet for it. But then said the wait is very long. But i cant cope feeling this disgusting for much longer😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Not coping already. I really need to die. I cant stand feeling dirty anymore.
    Sucha bummer cause i dont want to die just need to. I kmow life can be great for some. But not living and i wont ever. But need to remember what is best for me & all the people i burden, even if those few seconds or minutes are horrible.
    Someone shot me.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    MochanMochan Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Shaunie. I'm really sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I can tell that this has been a really hard time for you and wanted to let you know that you're not a burden. It must have been really hard to share how you're feeling but I'm really glad that you did. You should feel proud of yourself for acknowledging these difficult feelings and for being so honest in this forum.

    Are you able to speak to your GP about being referred more quickly to a service that can provide support? Would you find it helpful to talk to someone at The Samaritans? The NHS also provides some places that can provide support here: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/getting-help/

    We're always here for you at The Mix.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Decide not to go to Minds sanctuary. So am feeling dirty wanting to die instead. Fml.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    So sad
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Someone pls kill me now
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Always get so suicidal i think this is literally it. Im gunna die today. But i always wake up next mornig. Pathetic really
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    No one cares . everyone wants me dead
    Im a dirty slut so dont blame them. I deserve to die . burden everyone.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    I have done so many dirty sexual stuff. Some forced and some that i did in exchange to use someones shower. But it doesn't matter, i still did it. Still am dirty slut
    Massive urges to suicide😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Sorry xoxooxox
    Ignore me probs wil anywa.y m
    Am just attention seeker slut. Who sits in self pitty playing victim to depression, wondering why im gettint no where. Cause i dont fucking try. Oh dear Shaunie. will get no where like this. The abuser wil win everytime cause am pathetic. Yeah its possible to recover and to not feel dirty. But thats only if i want to recover. I dont want to cause i cant be bothered anymore. Too exhausted. So i will remian stuck here feeling depressed and sorry for nyself til i die .
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Oh 💩
    If only there was a way to delete comments now
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Shaunie,

    How are you doing? Sounds like your going through a hard time at the moment we are here to listen if you would like to talk about anything.

    If there are comments which you do want to delete then you can report them and leave a comment on the report saying you would like them to be deleted or you could PM the mix team and they can delete them for you.

    Hope you feeling better today and we do care about you.
    Rayofhope:rainbow2:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi @Shaunie

    I'm so sorry you're going through this :(. I understand your issue with dates... Mine is New Years Eve/Day. Thought I'd never enjoy myself again, and for a good few years after it happened I would cry through the whole evening. Sending you massive hugs. It does gets better. I don't know when, but it does. Surrounding yourself with loved ones helps. If there's any way you can distract yourself, do it, but also please still allow yourself to feel :heart:

    You mentioned you haven't had professional help for what happened. Is there any way you think you would be able to or want to talk to someone about what you've been through? We are so grateful you speak out here but we can't always reply immediately, whereas some other services can. What do you think about instant message/text/call/face to face counselling services? Have you tried any? Hope you manage to go back to Minds Sanctuary too, sounds like it has been quite helpful. Please don't feel like you are burdening them because you have the human right to support, we all do! Take as much time as you need.

    Sending you masses of love (and please never worry about being judged here - you can post 10000 times in a row and we'll still care just as much as your 1st post) *hug*

    Lucy x
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you very much x

    Feeling tiny bit better now
    Have tried and stil trying online counselling but not finding that helpful tbh:///
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    MochanMochan Posts: 65 Boards Initiate
    Hi @Shaunie. It's good to hear that you feel a bit better now. If ever you feel down again, remember that we're here to listen and help you find support.

    It sounds as though the online counselling is not going well which I'm sorry to hear. Can you tell us why it's not helpful?
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