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My story
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey there everyone,
Before I explain how I found myself registering on your site(great work BTW to everyone involved, it's heart warming to see people bunching together to help out people reaching out), let me tell you a little about myself.
I have spent my whole life moving around. I was born in Aershire, Scotland and have since moved around a LOT, I lost count of how many houses I've been in after number 20, so I'd guess the actual number to be around 30. I am 22 years of age, so I've moved more than once a year on average, and never lived anywhere longer than 2 years. I've lived in many parts of Scotland, England, spent a year in Northern Ireland, currently living in Wales, but to top it all off I spent 6 years of my childhood living in India, a completely unique and unforgettable experience which I'm privileged to have gone through. The reasons for my travelling were circumstantial and a bit messed up, but this is dragging on long enough so I'm gonna skip past that bit.
While I do feel lucky to have lived this life, it has given me some significant downsides. I struggle to 'fit in' with people, I spent most of my school years moving from school to school during which I got quite badly bullied as I was the new kid everywhere, so I made my first real friend at 16. I've stayed in the same general area since then(well, same side of the country so that's basically local for me) and slowly but surely have made a few more great friends, which really is great. But there's something missing. Maybe it's because of my chaotic past, but I find it very hard to make attachments to people, to form connections.
So now I've been single for 4 years and have only had one girlfriend before that, which ended quite badly and shattered my confidence. I am not single because I'm unable to find a girlfriend, I am just terrified of opening myself up to someone(which I find incredibly difficult in person) just to get shut down and for things to fall apart.
I dunno, I've been rambling but I've had depression for many years now and it keeps coming back in cycles. I'm pretty tired of it now and I'm feeling more and more broken each day. Not because of a lack of a relationship, I've just always felt a bit 'different' to other people and I just really find it hard to find my place anywhere in society and honestly, I feel incredibly lonely.
I'm doing a course in teaching English abroad, I'm hoping this will help me overcome my anxiety and give me a fresh perspective of life somewhere far away. But I'm worried my problems will follow me wherever I go, so if anyone can relate to me, I could really do with some encouragement, support or advice
Or just have a talk to someone, I've never really opened up about myself before like this before, I guess I didn't really notice how bad things are getting until they've accumulated to this point.
Again, I think it's amazing that you guys take the time to help others out, so massive kudos to you guys, you never know how much someone needs just a few words of support
Before I explain how I found myself registering on your site(great work BTW to everyone involved, it's heart warming to see people bunching together to help out people reaching out), let me tell you a little about myself.
I have spent my whole life moving around. I was born in Aershire, Scotland and have since moved around a LOT, I lost count of how many houses I've been in after number 20, so I'd guess the actual number to be around 30. I am 22 years of age, so I've moved more than once a year on average, and never lived anywhere longer than 2 years. I've lived in many parts of Scotland, England, spent a year in Northern Ireland, currently living in Wales, but to top it all off I spent 6 years of my childhood living in India, a completely unique and unforgettable experience which I'm privileged to have gone through. The reasons for my travelling were circumstantial and a bit messed up, but this is dragging on long enough so I'm gonna skip past that bit.
While I do feel lucky to have lived this life, it has given me some significant downsides. I struggle to 'fit in' with people, I spent most of my school years moving from school to school during which I got quite badly bullied as I was the new kid everywhere, so I made my first real friend at 16. I've stayed in the same general area since then(well, same side of the country so that's basically local for me) and slowly but surely have made a few more great friends, which really is great. But there's something missing. Maybe it's because of my chaotic past, but I find it very hard to make attachments to people, to form connections.
So now I've been single for 4 years and have only had one girlfriend before that, which ended quite badly and shattered my confidence. I am not single because I'm unable to find a girlfriend, I am just terrified of opening myself up to someone(which I find incredibly difficult in person) just to get shut down and for things to fall apart.
I dunno, I've been rambling but I've had depression for many years now and it keeps coming back in cycles. I'm pretty tired of it now and I'm feeling more and more broken each day. Not because of a lack of a relationship, I've just always felt a bit 'different' to other people and I just really find it hard to find my place anywhere in society and honestly, I feel incredibly lonely.
I'm doing a course in teaching English abroad, I'm hoping this will help me overcome my anxiety and give me a fresh perspective of life somewhere far away. But I'm worried my problems will follow me wherever I go, so if anyone can relate to me, I could really do with some encouragement, support or advice
Or just have a talk to someone, I've never really opened up about myself before like this before, I guess I didn't really notice how bad things are getting until they've accumulated to this point.Again, I think it's amazing that you guys take the time to help others out, so massive kudos to you guys, you never know how much someone needs just a few words of support
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Comments
Welcome to the boards! I'm Eleanor, 14, it's lovely to meet you.
Although I can't relate to what you're going through with the travelling around as have lived in my current house (in similar part of Scotland to where you were born what a coincidence) for most of my life. But I just wanted to reach out to you. I think you've been incredibly brave in opening up to us and I hope you can continue to do so.
Glad you found us, take care,
- Eleanor
I can relate to some of your experiences, not that I've had a broken relationship because my partner has always been with my family, but I know how difficult it is opening up to people IRL. Being single for 4 years should not be a stigma. You had every right to feel as you did, but try and find a way of getting past what was, because that is in the past now and we have the day at hand until timorrow, when you could begin thinking differently. That you can do it.
Are you being treated for this depression? Your doctor will deffs help you here. They could also refer you to a counsellor - and counsellors are highly trained to help people who find it so difficult to open up. Having a counsellor to begin opening up to could begin making a difference to you life.
I'm 18 and live at home with mum, my 2 sisters and a sweet girl partner. I'm half Spanish, half Brititish. It's great having you join. Everyone here is so good and I hope you will stay and become part of our online family.
All the best,
Julie
Sorry that this response is quite late, but hopefully this will still be helpful to you in some way.
Although your experience of moving around of course has had some negative effects as you have said, you are also so right in saying that you have been blessed with a very original experience, and you should definitely embrace the individuality that it brings to your story.
I can relate to you in some ways as I too do find making new friends difficult at times, mental health problems making that ten times more difficult of course, but it seems that you have got some good friends now who I hope you can talk to when you feel you need them. I would also definitely agree with Princessa that talking to a doctor or counsellor could be a really good way of dealing with anything you're going through at the moment.
As for not having a girlfriend, it's definitely not something to be too concerned about although I can completely see why it would be on your mind. But as long as you're focussing on you, the right person will come along eventually who will understand and support you, just try not to worry about when that may be, and this person will help you become more confident opening up, just as your friends I'm sure try to. I hope that your teaching course is also going well as that sounds like it will definitely give you something positive to invest time into that will no doubt give you a fresh start and come with plenty of positives of its own.
I hope you're doing well and have a great holiday!
Rachel x