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Advice...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am needing some advice. I have low self esteem and I struggle in social situations. I have friends but they are not very nice and I don't get invited to do anything at all with them and if I do they don't really speak to me at all. It's the same at school and I want to feel happy and make the most of my life and reach my full potential. Could anyone give me advice?

Comments

  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,158 Community Manager
    Hey Fallen, and welcome to the community. :wave: Great to see you posting.

    Big questions! I get the impression you're not too happy with your friendship group?

    When we surround ourselves with people we don't gel with, it can be quite easy to think, that because we're not having the experience we think we should be, that we're somehow defective. I'm making a lot of assumptions here so just say if you think this is off the mark, but sometimes social situations can be made vastly more enjoyable and comfortable just by changing the people that we're with. I guess my point being that sometimes it's not us, but the company we keep, if that makes sense?

    That said, if meeting people is the struggle then that suggestion probably isn't very helpful! Haha. I know I used to struggle with the same thing when I was at school and so I met a lot of my friends online in the first instance. Doesn't work for everyone, of course.

    When you think about where you want to be, and reaching your full potential as you put it, what are the barriers you see to getting there? :chin:

    Low self-esteem and struggling with social situations are common topics around here, so hopefully people will be able to chip in with some more useful insight. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
  • FeatheredDreamsFeatheredDreams Miniposter Posts: 91 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hmm, it can be a tough situation.
    IMO - no friends are better than bad friends. My old friend group - i felt stressed when I spoke to them incase they'd hate me because they talked shit about a lot of people, left me out when i didn't want to partake in their mean things, and I couldnt be myself around them because they'd hate me if i was myself...I didn't have many friends aside these people, but i realised that i'd only get even more depressed if i stayed around them, I didn't want to feel bad and trapped so I just ditched them. It was a little lonely at first, but I guess it's not so bad for me because for years i've always had online friends much better than those guys could ever be, and y'know it feels so much better now...I can vent to my new friends who won't hate me for it, I can be myself, and there's no more stress over being associated with a bunch of very rude and mean people. It was a relief, really.

    That said, i don't know your exact situation, but if it were me i'd probably say ditch them. If they're not good friends to you they don't deserve to be your friends, and you don't deserve to feel awful/awkward around them. For other friends, life finds a way to give them to you...socialising can be awkward but I promise you that most of the people you talk to find socialising just as awkward...i met one of my friends just because I enthused about conspiracy theories a lot, ahaha. I'm also a hermit so most of my friends for years have been online - most I met playing MMORPGs, so finding online communities may be a good alternative if socialising irl is hard? I find it's way easier to meet people online.



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